#did problems

I was created for the protection of this body after our core attempted sui. She’s dormant. I think that’s where my anxiety stems from, because I literally only exist to protect the body from harm. Not myself, the body. There is nothing I fear more than death, but somehow my own nonexistence is completely meaningless to me. I can disappear and that doesn’t matter at all. But I can’t let things happen to this body because I’m not the only person who depends on it.

I feel so detached from my sense of self !!

I hate being blurry and not being able to figure out who I am, if I'm a new alter, an old one coming back from dormancy, or whatever :3

I miss someone, but I can't even place who !

I feel like there's something wrong with me and that I'm faking everything I've done !

And I've had basically no human contact all day 💜

Today's been so great so far ! /sarc

Hope you're doing better than me rn ^^

The artist drew a heavily altered version of the source character so it doesn't look like said introjected at all anymore: 😿

Then proceeded to refuse to consider it after I discovered that PDID is a thing.

Meanwhile, ironically, though I don't have major blackout moments, I do have a few minor ones on occasion.

I can't tell you how many times I might get snapped at for asking a question I just asked a minute ago. Not fun to try to explain "Oh sorry, my brain forgot it existed." So I just laugh it off and pretend I'm not terrified of the fact I don't remember the fact I just asked the same question.

Or I'll be cleaning and suddenly "come to" while walking to return an object I cleaned back to its place and I'll have to look at it and look around to see where I got it from because last I remember I was cleaning a different object. Like idk, what do you mean I cleaned this, since when?

And later in I'll laugh about these moments, but at the time it's pretty terrifying that I can't remember something that literally happened a minute before.

So idk. But at least some things are starting to make sense.