#short term memory

it makes me sick, sometimes. thinking about what i've forgotten.

disclaimer : if you don't want your work here, hmu!!

All of this executive dysfunction before and afterwards. I wonder how much of it is my medication sedation effects and how much my brain has changed from various traumas.

I have goals but they’ve been more difficult to reach them due to learning disabilities and the brain fog with the executive dysfunction. And they seem harder to achieve even as I break them down.

It’s so hard to concentrate on what my body needs on daily basis. Sometimes I tend to be so wrapped up things that I forget to eat for a while. Sometimes I don’t sleep and my visual and auditory symptoms spike up, sometimes I get so depressed I feel like lead for a month and I lose pleasure/interest in a lot of things involuntarily.

I’m trying to take care of my body as much as possible, but it’s annoying because some of my meds just cause a little extra weight gain over the past couple years. Despite diet changes and more activity. It just doesn’t seem to want to leave. But also just accepting that it’s from side effects and loving myself as change as I get older.

I wish my car didn’t get ruined by my family member, so that I could actually get out and meet people and hopefully work on the side, even though my last job caused me sciatica. So the basic lifting criteria on jobs sucks. I remember before injury, I was really active and in best shape of my life, but still mentally going through it. Though I am happy that it was my car that was taken rather than family.

I wish there was more housing for people with disabilities around my area. All the new housing being developed are for the elderly though. It took me many years to visit an opening that was good except my roommates triggered some ptsd symptoms. So back to being on a waiting list.

I wish my learning disabilities didn’t “gatekeep” me from attaining/finishing higher education because literally my brain cannot do math, without trying to get 2 years of math credits waived even with notes from doctors and the neurologist. It’d be a stretch.

I keep trying to study for certifications, but my brain gets stuck on certain formulas or information overload. But it’d possibly open the door to a remote job.

It just seems I got dealt a terrible hand of cards. But always trying to look forward to the next thing