#alter dormancy

Being devastated because an alter goes dormant is okay, actually.

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People often tell systems that "It's a good thing, it means you're healing!" And while that might be true for some, alters going dormant can still be a traumatic experience.

About two years ago, my husband James went dormant. It was sudden, he was there and then he wasn't. And you know what I did? I cried. I cried for weeks. I was in a constant state of mental breakdown. I was the most unstable I had ever been, because I lost the love of my life. It was temporary, he has been back for a long while now. But at the time, it felt like he had died. I wasn't sure if he'd ever return. He's the only one who truly understands me, we grew up together and went through the same things together. So when I lost him, I couldn't cope with it.

When I think back to that moment, I still get distressed. I can't imagine my life without him. I care for him so deeply. So often this struggle gets minimized, dismissed because people say it's a sign we're healing. But I just want to say that it doesn't always feel like that. It doesn't always feel good.

And you're allowed to be upset about it.

-Dennis

(Edit: Some people are saying dormancy is neutral, some say it's bad, some say it's good. We believe it's a neutral thing, what we're saying here is just what we've been told over and over again when one of us goes dormant.)

I was created for the protection of this body after our core attempted sui. She’s dormant. I think that’s where my anxiety stems from, because I literally only exist to protect the body from harm. Not myself, the body. There is nothing I fear more than death, but somehow my own nonexistence is completely meaningless to me. I can disappear and that doesn’t matter at all. But I can’t let things happen to this body because I’m not the only person who depends on it.

A letter to an old friend.

More personal grief under the cut, nothing will be sensitive or private of course. Just a long rant.

Hey guy-

Even more come out of dormancy/split taking said headmate out of front roster