Animal Crackers

pitch for my new tarot card “Skeleton… Skeleton Fly Guy. Yeah. That’s What We’re Going With”

Baby sphinx trying to be like mama and waylaying travelers, but all its riddles are completely non-sensical like the ones a 1st grader would tell

The tumblrest sentence I have ever seen

im realizing very fast that people do not in fact know that sometimes things in stories suck on purpose and it sucking is the point

I absolutely blame Facebook for this shift. Words cannot describe how freaking WEIRD it was in the mid-00s when there was suddenly this popular website where you were required to use your real, brickspace name and encouraged to post photos of yourself. Every single bit of Standard Internet Safety prior to then said that you should never ever ever do either of those.

omg 2005/2006. When all our parents, who had been telling us for YEARS to never use our real names on the internet, suddenly all got facebook accounts and started using their real names on the internet like it was totally normal. Complete mental whiplash. Before then, it was WEIRD to use your real name on the internet. Like, people who did that were weirdos.

[Image Description: initial tweet by Mini Modu, @ MinModulation, that says "The idea of the internet as a third space for co-identities, 'avatars', 'pseudonyms', doesn't really exist for normies. They love selfies and I.Ds--the net is purely a marketing platform for their Face, like the mall. They lo..." the tweet gets cut off as it's retweeted by SuRge, @ SRG_Works, who adds "The fact that normies never embraced the idea that the 'net was a great place to have 'alter egos' and just be free from insane societal pressure really is wild. Instead they used the Internet to double down and make it for non-conformists to escape." End I.D]

the “sexy lamp test” but for disabled folks: if you can replace your disabled character with a beloved pet dog that needs an expensive surgery to survive then you have to throw out your manuscript 

reblogging one of my most underrated posts: the dying dog test

I’m gonna make my medical school advisees do this on their application essays too I think.

Knead and roll him like the dough he CRAVES IT

dump his ass. move to a walkable city. start hormones. get into fiber crafts. dye your hair weird. grow an herb garden. foster a distrustful cat. take a welding class. invite your friends over for tea and cake. get way too into obscure media. explore a new cuisine. lie to the police. protest in the streets. life has so many possibilities don't it?

make out with a frenemy. buy noise cancelling headphones. wear office inappropriate attire. quit a toxic workplace. improve your apartment. start a dog walking sidegig. get on first name basis with your local librarians. bully politicians at town hall meetings. get an unexpected piercing. cultivate farmer's market connections. trade recipes with a gossipy old neighbor. unionize your apartment complex. move to the countryside. let a friend take you larping. keep a sword on your mantleplace

get a tattoo on your 40th birthday. be tempted to buy a loom. do a charity drag show. sue your landlord. buy a really nice kitchen appliance. volunteer at an anarchist soup kitchen. rediscover a tv show you watched when you were 8. spam your state senators. shop at asian grocery stores. do cosplay. buy trans flags in bulk and mount them along the highway. go viral for unexpected reasons. move in with your best friend. make lemoncello with leftover lemon rinds. run for school board membership. explore pegging.

update: i'm delighted to report this post has been responsible for at least one person dumping his ass

update: three four people

ambitious indie project this, surprise box-office hit that, iron lung (production budget: $3mil) is the 'someone who is good at the economy please help me budget this, my family is dying' tweet.

i got spanish anon hate for this one btw

I don't want people who voted green to die, but I had to choose blue again, since we're not told what happens if majority votes green. The first one said that everyone survives if the majority votes blue, but the second poll doesn't say the same thing about green. I'm forced to assume that this question is being asked by a evil trickster deity that is maliciously hiding the information of what happens if the majority votes green.

i never said that

This reminds me of my corsetmaker days when i found myself searching for "extra thick boning."

today i learned that the finnish word for ‘hazardous waste’ is ongelmajäte, which can also translate as ‘problematic garbage’ and my roommate and i immediately agreed this is a word that belongs on tumblr.

Your fave is ongelmajäte

in german it’s Sondermüll which means special trash and that too belongs on tumblr

One man’s ongelmajäte is another man’s sondermüll.

I'm still thinking about the guy who saw me realize my wheelchair wouldn't fit in the elevator because he (also a wheelchair user) was already inside it and immediately quipped, "This elevator ain't accessible enough for the both of us."