Just TRYING to survive the Screaming Twenties where it's a Good And Fun Time to be immunocompromised in America. Icon Description: The words "Remember Minab" on a black background. There is no banner. Thirties. White. Genderqueer they/them. Bisexual. Actual cyborg 🤖 and sick as all hell. 🎭 I named my cane Cassandra 🦇 have a sideblog where I sometimes draw mini comix @apt-comix. I have a slightly warmer BlueSky at temperate-hands
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None of these fuckass peace deals with Iran and Gaza and Israel and the US are going anywhere because Israel and the US will not stop killing and they've shown that they are not even open to any sort of peace, they've violated every deal. There can be no REAL peace while they are still on the face of this earth
A 19-year-old black trans girl was shot to death this month, and there has been absolutely no media reporting on it - despite extensive reporting on almost identical incidents in the same part of Florida, at the same time. The police, as usual, misgendered her in the police report and have done nothing to find her killer. Her name was Jayla Mcgee. Black trans people deserve to grow old.
Police misgendered Jayla McGee, local media overlooked her homicide, and her community was left to make sure she was not erased.
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I've been meaning to make a post talking about my stroke because y'all got bits and pieces of the recovery but I never actually told the story of HOW it went down and the thing is the type of stroke I had is usually the type young people have and since having mine i've now heard multiple stories of people under 40 having very similar strokes and the scary thing is, is that they didn't get help right away. Because you're young and healthy and sure you feel weird but it'll pass right? but it doesn't, and it gets worse, and by the time you get to the hospital (some people literally take days to go) the deficits are worse and recovery is harder.
so here's a super long post about strokes in general, and mine in particular/what I went through.
So for strokes the signs are abbreviated BE FAST. Balance loss, Eyesight changes, Face drooping, Arm weakness, Speech difficulty, -> Time to call 911.
Had I known those MAYBE I would have figured it out but my symptoms were a little mixed. I was reading (fanfic!) in bed because it was a sunday morning and i had nothing pressing to do and suddenly got dizzy. I put my laptop aside because my eyes were blurring (Eyesight changes - symptom #1), and laid down, thinking it would pass, it didn't, it's a little vague how it progressed because I'd been having headaches and neckpain for about 3 weeks leading up to it so I was like 'idk is this a migraine?' (headaches can be a stroke symptom so symptom #2) but i got nauseous and eventually got up and to my utmost surprise I immediately fell over as if I was the drunkest of frat bros. The room literally spun before my eyes as I fell to the floor (Balance loss - symptom #3). I have had some Nights and I had never been that unsteady before. I crawled my way to the bathroom, threw up (nausea - not a common stroke symptom) , took 800mg of ibuprofen, and crawled back to bed.
if you know anything about ibuprofen you might know it's a mild blood thinner and that's a high dose. I may have inadvertently helped myself with that one. I was just feeling like shit and thinking 'idk this might help'
At this point I still thought we were still in Normal Land. Sure, it was a weird morning, but Surely There Was A Reason. (Yes There Was) Anyway, as I'm lying there willing my body to stop suffering I realize my arm is going numb (stroke symptom #4) and I switch positions, because weird, but it doesn't go away, and I gave it a good little while. I'm on a medication that can make my limbs tingle but it usually just does it to my fingers and it dissipates quickly but this wasn't dissipating, and then I realized one of my legs was also going numb. Then one side of my face is going numb.
(at the time I did not look in the mirror but I had a drooping eyelid - symptom #5)
Those all seem bad. I grab my computer and google 'when to go to the hospital for dizzyness' as that felt like the worst of my problems. and indeed the list I found highlighted that if you are also experiencing loss of balance, blurred vision, nausea, and limb numbness, you should see a doctor. That seems like far too many symptoms to be having all to be listed. I grab my phone (thankfully plugged in and by my bed), and start layering on more clothing because it's about 10 degrees out and i'm in a pajama dress. The very nice man at 911 talks with me and sends an ambulance, I tell him I don't think I can get out the front door of my building on my own and he asks if I can get to MY apartment door to which I say yes and he assures me that's fine they will have keys to my building.
(I have been since informed they love to chop down doors but no, I could get that far)
I wait by my door laying down on the ground and they arrive pretty quickly. They see to me in the hallway, which is more of a lobby in my building and the only place with room for me to lie down (I cannot stand unassisted at this point) they ask me a bunch of questions, take vitals, and ask me where I would like to be taken. Me, having never had to go to the fucking hospital in an emergency before, simply go 'wherever is close' because I again, I am having a stroke and do not have the wherewithal to think through these things.
A big firefighter helps me down the stairs (it's only a half flight and I still almost did not make it) and we get underway.
At the hospital they wheel me into triage and I mostly lie there gratefully and answer some questions and respond to some tests (grip strength, following a pen with my eyes, that sort of thing) and then I hear what is great when you've been at urgent care for two hours but what is Very Bad when you just arrived in an ambulance and that's 'She's next'. I jumped the line for a CT scan and an MRI. I was there less than ten minutes before I was actively being scanned. honestly closer to five.
my active symptoms seem to have been worse than some of the stories I've heard, not being able to walk AT ALL in particular, although some other are pretty equal (Footless Jo on youtube had a stroke around the same time I did of the same type and has discussed hers, she delayed going in despite the severity for a variety of reasons and it sounds like her recovery has been difficult) My recovery was pretty easy because i was actively being cared for and on blood thinners right away. I was pretty out of it in the beginning, but I was only in the hospital for 6 days and then in a rehab for another 4 to relearn how to walk and balance, then i was released unto the world and just spent time going to physical therapy and recovering for awhile. I was out of work for about 8 weeks total. I basically had the best outcome for a stroke. I recovered almost fully back to 100% (I'm about 2% less sure footed than I used to be, but it's rarely noticeable), my face still feels a little weird but has markedly improved so I live in hope it will eventually get back to normal. It massively sucked. But strokes can fuck you up for life and I came out a weird medical story to tell and have to take some extra medication now/precautions to take (i cannot do certain types of yoga, no weightlifting, no push ups, no going on rollercoasters.... things that could strain my neck essentially) but overall I escaped very lucky.
For anyone who has ever had covid before, please be sure you are aware of stroke symptoms. Each successive infection raises the risk in a pretty major way, and a lot of people are dying young due to not knowing these signs or being afraid to act on them. Please take care of yourselves.
“There are many ways to read animal poems, but the thing that I like most to keep in mind while reading them: I am an animal, too, reckless and brutish and full of need. I am complex and hungry for survival and while I am witnessing the animal, it is often witnessing me, too. My world, after all, is not the only one.”
my farming sim game will have animal butchery as a normalized part of the gameplay loop to act as a lightning rod to draw all the discourse and thinkpieces away from topics that would annoy me more
in my farming sim game that has animal butchery as a normalized part of the gameplay loop, shipped products will be sold on a weekly basis, not a daily one. you get a big windfall once a week and then you budget around that. if you want more money in the interim you have to go sell to the local merchants whatever products they specialize in.
in my farming sim game, getting married to one of the townspeople will have a significant impact on your gameplay. if you marry the rival farmer, their smaller farm will be merged with yours. if you marry the town alchemist/doctor you get a buff to all your alchemy and you wake up from getting knocked out in your own home instead of their clinic. if you marry the priestess she uh, idk she does weather related divine magic for you so you can choose the weather, idk i haven't thought too hard about that one yet
these tags are probably a joke but genuinely i do think that more games with romance candidates in general should require you to at least be on friendly terms with their family/close friends before they will romance/marry you. so yes. romancing the MILF will require attending her kid's pretend tea party first. to prove you mean business
i really really really really really like hadestown's repeated use of "eurydice was a hungry girl" because at first pass you might think oh, she's scrappy and street smart and her ambition is going to be the foil to orpheus's idealist romanticism. but nope! no she is literally hungry. she is starving. that is her motivator and everybody knows it. she loves, oh she does, but she can't be fucking blamed for fulfilling her physical needs first.
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the musical STARTS with hades looking back btw. “you’re early” “i missed you” is hades looking back. is anybody listening. orpheus is told he can’t look back because hades knows he will because hades can’t stop himself from looking back. and that’s why the world is out of tune.
I think I've made this post before but I truly believe that a lot of trans discourse would disappear if we acknowledged that transmisogyny and transandrophobia go hand in hand and aren't necessarily strict opposites.
And I firmly believe that both can affect all trans people due to the combination of transphobia, malgendering and misgendering that we experience.
Plus allowing both terms to be used freely regardless of which way your transitioning allows more freedom for the nuances of intersex, transneutral and nonbinary individuals without pushing them into a binary or forcing them to disclose the details of their agab/transition.
Basically everyone who's part of a minority experiences some kind of discrimination. Almost everyone also has some kind of privilege. I'm a disabled trans woman of color and a religious minority. My husband having a job is class privilege, and there's privilege intrinsic in the fact that I'm not black. A black trans woman not being disabled is also a kind of privilege. If you're disabled, trans, and unemployed, still being white is a privilege.
Everybody's situation in different, and this isn't the discrimination Olympics. Comparing who has the most privilege vs the most discrimination is roundly pretty foolish. Just fucking support each other and stop treating people whose experience is different from yours like the enemy. The only conflict that should matter is the 1% against literally everyone else.
And while we're at it, people who have enough money to own a home or have health insurance still aren't the enemy. That's not the 1% or the rich.
If someone gets most of their money from doing actual work, they're not "The Rich" regardless of what the job is or how much money. "The Rich" we're talking about eating can be defined as people who get most or all of their money from owning a needed resource or the product of someone else's labor, rather than performing labor of their own.
If you go on vacation and someone else has to pick up the slack at your workplace because you perform labor, you're not the 1%. Jeff Bezos sits on a beach and makes money because he owns the warehouses and shipping infrastructure and the product of the labor of people who work there.
the thing about being bullied for being weird as a kid is that even if you've always embraced being weird your brain is still always looking for the line where it's too much. you can be as proudly and intentionally weird as you want and you can love being weird but your mind is still convinced there's a point where you get too weird and people start treating you like a weird looking bug again. also it feels like you reach that point 500 times a day even if everyone you've spoken to today found you pleasant and likable and even if you're completely alone in your house with nobody looking at you at all.
my mom taught me the therapeutic power of cleaning. open all the windows. throw out the old. wipe down the entire house. burn some incense. roast some coffee. then rest. that way the tears from last night don’t feel as heavy.
No it’s actually been studied and proven that for people with anxiety and depression that it’s really good for us it gives us a sense of control, setting, and being well grounded. It allows to make a new place out of the old and is really relaxing
It is such a catch-22, that cleaning when you are depressed (and likely less able to gather the executive functioning to do so) also alleviates it. After having a good clean, I always feel more in control and less stressed. It’s the getting started that is the hardest part. The good news is, even a tiny bit of cleaning has a positive effect, so start with what you can manage.
Even if all you can do is put three dishes in the dishwasher, or move the dirty laundry pile to outside the laundry door, or throw out that box of leftovers that have been sitting in the fridge for 2 weeks
My therapy professor always gets his patients to just wipe the bathroom mirror when they’re feeling that way. Just the mirror, nothing more. But then by the time his patients are done with the mirror, most of them report “well, I was already in the bathroom, so I did the sink and tub too.” And before they know it, they’ve cleaned an entire bathroom.
My therapist once told me that, every day, I should try and do at least one thing that I either enjoyed, or gave me a sense of mastery. And honestly, the enjoyment thing can kind of seem overrated, especially when you feel like crap, but the mastery thing? Doing laundry or taking out the trash or whatever else I can bring myself to accomplish?
do what you can, forgive yourself for what you can’t, and challenge yourself to do better tomorrow (and it’s okay to fail at this; just try again the next tomorrow)
shirt that says 'i do not consent to being photographed' with a qr code that takes u to a site where u download a virus that exports ur data 2 my cloud and then factory resets ur phone
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its so awkward when people ask me why i dropped out and i have to be like "inadequate disability support" bc no one wants to hear this. they're always like i thought they had to provide that though isn't it the law? girl you might want to sit down i have some bad news about the litigation-based enforcement of the americans with disabilities act
then if i do say that theyre like, couldnt you sue? well theoretically maybe but not without spending more money than i have and putting myself through absolute hell. so no. no i can't.
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