Confabulations of an Apprentice Savant

Working as a teacher in a kindergarten/first grade Mild/Moderate Special Education class is exhausting.

It is also rewarding. 

My students are loving and caring. My students are hard working and interested in school. HOWEVER, they are still children with disabilities.

Even when I am consoling a student for the 43rd time today or hearing my name repeated (shuffled in with a para’s name or two) or keeping calm as a student punches, screams, or kicks me, I am still their teacher.

This week was the best run week of my classroom. I blame it on the fact that 3-4 students were absent each day except Friday (when only 1 was absent). I also blame it on the fact that my students know the routines now. Whatever the cause may be, this week was fun, exhilarating, and fulfilling.

HOWEVER, this week was also exhausting. 

Today (Friday) was a crazy day for our class. Everyone was off the hook and there were so many school activities to attend to that we were scattered. In the first 20 minutes of school I had already dealt with 3 meltdowns and a 5th grade teacher referring to me as an angel. (Yes being called an angel is something I must deal with: I am not an angel, I don’t know what I am but I am not an angel)

As soon as I got home at 6 (after TGIF at the librarians house and dinner with my always awesome hubby) my body crashed. I was asleep by 7. When my husband came home from his meeting, I cried on his shoulder because I was so exhausted. Now it is 10 pm and I can’t sleep because of that nap.

 I love my job. I feel so fulfilled. But when my job is my entire life and I pour all my energy into it, I come home feeling empty and drained and I have nothing left to give. 

I got married, moved back to my hometown, and started a new job.

My husband is a wonderful romantic who didn’t know that marriage would be this hard but is working very diligently with me to improve our relationship.

My job is difficult but rewarding.

My home is finally feeling like home.

Today I get my drivers license with my real name on it. 

Today was my last day at LOPC.  When I began interning there last summer,  I didn’t know I would find a church home to last me an entire year.  I thought it would just be another job. 

However, I learned that if you want to feel like you have a church family, you have to get involved.  They WILL want to keep you if you put your gifts to use.  I volunteered for Sunday School teaching this year and no matter how late I was up the night before, I made it a priority. 

Today, this year’s intern bought me flowers.  Because I was the first intern EVER for the church, he told me I have a legacy to live up to. We’ve worked together at volunteer events this year.  I reminded him that he has his own legacy to make with the youth and that he has his own accomplishments.  

Yesterday we talked for a total of 10 minutes and not at all today.  This is the least we’ve talked since he was laid off six months ago (from CAL Fire) and it is SO STRESSFUL.  All day I just wanted to get a text to know if he was alive! I just got the first text since noon (It’s 10 pm) and it basically said “I’m having fun. Everyone is tired and irritable. I miss you.” 

Yesterday, we unpacked all of our new wedding gifts.  This meant clearing out the bathroom, the closets, and the kitchen and unpacking 50+ boxes of new things and putting it all away.  This also meant filling the compost bin with cardboard boxes, the garbage bin with foam and plastic stuffing, and the back of the truck with things to donate.

I am so glad that he is so willing to clean out his life to accommodate mine.  I move all of my things to the house in 12 days and we get married in 19.  

I immediately decided to surprise him and come home on the train tonight after I go to the graduation. My mom was gonna pick me up and take me over to his house (although she thought I would just surprise him at church).

This morning he admitted that he forgot to book our last night for our honeymoon and needed to do that still and I feigned anger. He asked how he could make it up to me and I told him to pick me up at the train station tonight.

He was so giddy when he found out I was coming home.

I was skeptical and then he started listing things off.

“Empty, hopeless, frustrated, angry, maybe a little lonely.”