life has been good recently.
those were the warm, fulfilling days you would spend outside. those were the days you'd find yourself laughing in a crowd of people you barely know, but who make you feel something tingling inside your chest, right under the ribcage. you'd go to the riverside and sit on the steps, still slightly cold after the long winter, but you'd be warm from conversations, music, cheap wine and cigarettes you just found on the road.
those were the days you'd accept being lonely. you'd understand loneliness and happiness do not necessarily go hand in hand, but you do not need to be with someone to feel happy. you'd read your book alone in your room, and while it would make you feel miserable, you'd still smile at the end of it.
those were the days of truly embracing your student life. days of having coffee for breakfast, but nothing else. days of counting every cent you have in your bank account, and being pleasantly surprised it is just enough to afford a pack of cigarettes.
those were the days of staying up all night, but not for the reasons most 16-year-olds dream of. it was to watch movies that would bring you back to said age.
those were the days you re-evaluate things. things like friendship, adulthood, music, books, education, even your cleaning habits, or the lack of thereof. you'd write things down in your journal, and then you'd look at them and laugh at how stupid, how trivial they are, even though a few days ago they weren't considered as such. these were the days of quick growth, but unnoticed by anyone.
it was all about spontaneous decisions, and silky night robes, and summer dresses, and bulky boots, and dry forearms, and chipped nailpolish, and staying hydrated, and taking care of everyone around you. it was in soft movements to tuck your hair behind your ear, and your playlists, and your steps, but also in the subtle lines of your face, your posture, the way you'd talk to strangers.
those days, those things didn't have a name. it would be barbaric to label them, to give them a name that would keep them a constant, unmoving, non-progressing 'things'. and they obviously weren't. it lay on the surface that they were just a visitor, but that they would also not say farewell - rather, a goodbye with a tight hug. and that maybe, eventually, they would stay for longer periods of time, and be more prominent, more present.
but that is yet to be seen. :)
photo credits to me. i am the owner. please do not use without contacting me about it prior.