lobster kin

I’ve been watching so many old garbage movies recently that I’ve started to have like 60s sci fi themed nightmares where I’m being attacked by like horrible ape monsters and it’s actually scary as fuck! What an awful problem to have

Last night I had a dream about a terrible science experiment called Moon 13 that involved putting scantily clad women inside of large lava lamps to harness their innate psychic ability. I wish this was a joke

I love it when a classicist has clearly gotten so lost in the BCE sauce that their perception of time has become deeply warped. Case in point: the article I’m currently reading just described the Byzantine era as “a period relatively modern.”

the P in HP stands for PISS

"I'm not calling the people who believe in this conspiracy theory racist" I am. They're racist. Maybe not out of malice, but the fact that they believe in this is in itself racist. These conspiracies are always about brown people. Machu Pichu, the Pyramids, Göbekli Tepe, Easter Island, it is ALWAYS POC. It's never the Parthenon, it's never the Colliseum, despite the fact that these were built around the same time as some of the other sites these conspiracy chucklefucks like to throw around, it's never something fucking European. It's always "primitive people" with "stone tools" and "no understanding of modern engineering" so "clearly someone must have taught them this or given them the technology because CLEARLY they were just too Primitive and Savage to figure it out themselves." Fuck off with that shit.

every august without fail is like i will give you some of the most beautiful golden summer moments of your life but also you will be thinking about childhood and loss constantly. it will always be either 5pm or 2am

all gambling advertising should be illegal

same goes for weight loss and alcohol and credit cards and vapes and crypto and medicine and religion and. all adverts should be illegal.

i don’t feel like debating that topic much farther bc truthfully if it comes down to “women will lose to men in every sport bc they don’t have as much testosterone!!!!!” my elite feminist response is honest to god “ok we will lose with honor as equals instead of having our own special Easy Mode Female category so we can win amongst ourselves” like i’m sorry i just can’t be persuaded. i’m a brick wall. i want co-ed sports

i bring a sort of “women can lose at some sports against men if it means being regarded as equals” vibe to the debate that “testosterone objectively increases performance” people don’t really like

they should invent a disproportionate emotional response that goes away when you understand it's disproportionate. they should invent a way to logic yourself out of emotions

when your uncle gets the christmas pudding to a sustainable boil and it smells like straight up skeletons

how the fuck is this #solarpunk

the pudding contains a biological element

putting ketchup on fries is too permanent for me … i have to dip . i control the sauce

"rickrolling is mean" rickrolling is the gentle, kind, prosocial descendant of what we used to do on the internet, which was putting a redirect to goatse in every possible misspelling of a url

Rickrolling is a beautiful achievement in collective disarmament. We designated a perfectly pleasant pop song as The Prank Song, we agreed that if someone tricks you into listening to it, that means they Owned You, and now no one has to look at goatse anymore.