i hope you live. i hope we both live

God could you imagine a scene in a fantasy movie or some shit where the heroes kill the main villain’s prized general or some shit and the villain pins one of their henchmen to the wall and is all like “Who killed my second-in-command?!?” and the henchman just like “we don’t know sir it was just some band of no-name adventurers!” and then the camera pans over to the adventurers just like 

I’ve been informed that No-Name brand is not commonly found outside of Canada so let me explain that these products are what I’m referencing with this

i go to the shop and I ask if they have any raspberries. they say no, they used to sell raspberries, but they haven't had any in stock in the last 15 years. I ask if there's somewhere else I can go to buy raspberries. They say no, with confidence and pride, they're the only shop around who has ever sold or will ever sell raspberries. Other shops might sell other fruit, sure, but they have a monopoly on all raspberries forever. I ask if they're possibly planning on them selling them again in future? they say they can't tell me that.

mozzarella and cheddar when i open my fridge and its not their time to be added to a fuckalicious grilled cheese sandwich

I do think part of the reason we don't have standardized clothes sizing is because clothes are. Really complicated. Most of them do actually have more than one aspect of fit. It makes sense that companies resist printing like the dozens of measurements they use to make, say, a pair of jeans. On one level, it's just a lot for a customer to think about and consider. And then on the other...