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May we all learn to extend grace, compassion, and love to the people we have been condemning for their seeming lack of those things.

Is this from Muppet's Goncharov?

It is! Only the directors cut though.

Isn't the Count Slavic or Romanian? He's definitely not German.

Aye, the original post was about muppets die hard, and the count’s playing gruber, who is of course German. But then goncharov took over and welp

Oooh, okay. Makes sense.

Back when I worked at walgreens I didn't know witch hazel was a real thing people would come in asking for it and I'd be like yeah it's on aisle 3 next to the wolfsbane and eye of newt you fucking idiot bastard

"exercise will give you more energy" gets said a lot as a common piece of health advice but I think it needs to be expanded into "exercising will make you tired while you do it, and you will continue to be tired immediately afterwards, sometimes even the next day too, but over months of consistent exercise, your muscles will get stronger and therefore get less tired out by everyday activities, making you feel like day-to-day life takes less physical energy than it used to"

being a rectangle

they probably cant love me back in a human or even mammalian sense, but my goldfish with their smooth pea-sized brain have learned to trust that i will make them better when they are sick. i feel like crying about this often

Maybe Princess the tarantula never had anything resembling what we as humans know as emotions, but she still came out of her burrow and up to the glass when we’d talk to her and used to stare at the drawing I’d tape to her terrarium. Maybe she couldn’t even comprehend what we were, but she knew we were there to take care of her. And even if she never showed that sort of curiosity or trust we’d still love her.

Idk if Munchie the praying mantis felt love for me, but I do know he trusted me enough to climb onto my hand when offered and was comfortable with allowing me to carry him places despite me being absolutely massive in comparison to him. So that's close enough in my book.

"Like soo bad he did that but did you see that sick ass trick-"

SPEΛKING FROM EXPERIENCE: IT'S KIND OF BOTH. INHΛLE THROVGH MOVTH, EXHΛLE THROVGH GILLS.

Died. Now you are made of salt.

you’re a contractor looking at some dredged up junk

Pissed off British guy bosses around a mute guy and makes him go through hell

go put your fist through a fucking log

youre a dumbass who keeps dying from the stupidest shit ever

You fall in a hole and act as therapist for some creatures so hard you make them touch grass

You drive around in a vehicle approximately 30-90 years old

You yell at lizards in the rural country.

Your grampa dies so now you have to farm.

daddy issues, and its sequel, granddaddy issues

Guy in a hat has abandonment issues and dies a lot.

You catch critters and harvest their poop.

these guys cancelled me and I’m bitter about it, kill them. Btw here’s a cult

old man looks walks around an old building for like 5 hours, gets stuck in ink occasionally

Man finds floppydisk, plays a card game on it

Guy runs around, kills things, dies a lot

Garden simulator

girls are being bothered by the grand scheme of things

You just do the same thing over and over until you get bored.

Your family’s beef with a moth is now your problem to deal with.

The medical treatment bills in this town are insane and you’ve decided to take it up with managers

All this paperwork

Stranded on an island. No combat mechanic, no stakes. There’s a landlord there.

Guy punches an antimatter warhead because he ate without a table.

Mailman has a REALLY bad day

oh my god and it's a Canada Goose so this is the equivalent of befriending a small demon

OP you're wrong. Duck, duck is the most perfect name for a goose, ever.

These guys would be the biggest hit at any Renaissance fair they went to.

Your Fridge is spying on you, your TV is always on (and spying on you) your washing machine doesn't work without a permanent connection to the internet, everything but the food you eat (for now) has a microchip and a lithium ion battery and all of them need to be wirelessly recharged by beaming electricity in their general direction instead of making an actual physical connection.

Plus the Energy Star™ thing is a scam and always has been. Way back when it was fairly new some guys proved it by submitting, among other things, a diesel-powered alarm clock and got approved. And everyone just kinda ignored it.