i don't bite (much) @offduty-vampire - Tumblr Blog

About:

Mod is an adult and does not make any promises about the sfw-ness of this blog, so please no minors, thank you!

Also please do not try to involve me in discourse. I am not interested in arguing. I've been on this godforsaken website too long to take anything you say seriously. I block liberally.

Main Kins:

Vampire

Jackal

Caracal

Some fictionkins that I don't really feel like listing out here. Idc about doubles so it shouldn't matter. You'll probably catch on.

•18+ Adults Only

Watch Anya Live on Cam

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.

✓ Live Streaming✓ Interactive Chat✓ Private Shows✓ HD Quality✓ Free Actions

Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming

brandinotbroke

microslop is currently feuding with some nerd and it's the funniest thing ever

basically, some guy called nightmare-eclipse has found several zero-day exploits in windows and at first contacted microsoft about it but they kept ignoring him (even though they have a bug bounty program, so technically they have to pay him a grant for finding these)

so then he started posting them publicly whenever he found any in hopes of microsoft finally fixing them that way, but of course that leaves windows users vulnerable, because now not-so-nice hackers can see exactly how they can use those exploits. He has found FOUR so far and microsoft did nothing about it.

microsoft then deleted the guy's gitlab account and sued him, after which he said they should mark july 14th in their calender because he is done playing nice and is going to "shatter their bones"

do-not-u-dare

let’s talk about how they made it impossible to function without a phone and digitalised everything and then turned around and went “actually! these phone things aren’t safe for kids but it’s magically ok once you’re eighteen. guess you’ll have to have your life dictated by your parents now lol cause we’re gonna take the devices away from you. IT’S FOR YOUR OWN GOOD WHY ARE YOU COMPLAINING”

do-not-u-dare

ok my apologies. take away my ability to buy anything too ig because these fuckass stores don’t accept cash anymore. take away my ability to communicate with people outside my house and school because I can’t text and I can’t email and I cant drive to them either and I can’t even fucking get public transport without a phone either. can’t order at a fucking restaurant without being asked to get a membership and install an app and also very sorry but you can only order through our online menu now! have you ever considered that it’s not just about instagram?

jaubaius

aeforvirra

Aw he’s just looking for love

oarfjsh

are you his beautiful wife? you are not his beatiful wife? sad snooting

itssquidbian

feminist retelling shoulsnt be the woman does some girlboss shit femist retelling is she does the same stuff except u actually give a shit abt her perspective and thoughts and feelings as a human being this time

•18+ Adults Only

Watch Anya Live on Cam

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.

✓ Live Streaming✓ Interactive Chat✓ Private Shows✓ HD Quality✓ Free Actions

Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming

socialistexan

vitabreva

themummersfolly

How dare you leave this in the tags.

charlesoberonn

coruscanttojerusalem

It is in his bittersweet and touching book on the Asian expulsion from Uganda that one can trace the beginnings of author and intellectual M

Here's the whole interview with Mahmood Mamdani, who seems to be a very interesting guy in his own right. You may have heard of him from his book, Good Muslim, Bad Muslim.

bats-online

Ideas in the 1890s: What if cocaine was a health drink

Ideas in the 1920s: We should make a new kind of plastic you can eat

Ideas in the 1960s: We should invent a new and more civil racism

Ideas in the 1980s: What if you could have sex with Hello World

Ideas in the 1990s: What if cars had TVs in them

Ideas in the 2000s: Is it gay to wash your hair?

Ideas in the 2010s: What if a refrigerator was made of goo

Ideas in the 2020s: What if there was a website where you could talk to Pepsi

forfawkssake

I hate it when you’re reading smut and you can’t figure out what position they’re in.

jonmoxleys

sometimes it just ends up being something like

onlyhereforthedrama

ITS BACK

dontleavemydreams-deactivated20

lord

uhmgilinsky

Y’ALL NEED JESUS

forfawkssake

Please stop reblogging this post

myterribletwenties

This post made my water break

myterribletwenties

In honor of my daughter’s first birthday next week, I’m sharing the post that made me laugh so hard that it broke my water.

forfawkssake

WHAT

hotchstuff

God, I love this accursed website.

myterribletwenties

Hey internet, the girl that was born from this post is 4 years old today (July 2 2021) also, the gif still makes me laugh. Happy Birthday, Marceline!!

twomanyfandomshelp

Happy July 2nd, 2024, guess Marceline is 7 now

insufferable-yapper

Happy July 2nd, 2025; she’s 8 now (5am for me)

myterriblethirties

Happy Birthday to my Marceline, 8 years ago today (July 2, 2025) she came into this world five days before her due date to see wtf was so funny 🤣 this post, like many other things, are on a long list of topics to discuss when she’s older lol

brokenteardrops

Happy 9th Birthday Little Marceline!!! (July 2 2026)

myterriblethirties

It’s July 2 2026 internet, help me wish a Happy Birthday to my brilliant and beautiful 9 year old, Marceline! I’ve shown her (most of) the comments and she says “thank u internet 😁😁”

demilypyro

vampires are so full of shit. "oh the human race is beneath us, you're just livestock to us" I don't think you know what livestock is. do you feed us? care for us? protect us from predators? no. you just slink around dark alleys and ambush people. that's not what a higher being does. that's a bottom feeder. a parasite. karate punches your head off

melusinemuse

janusfnc14

She Would Say That. She would DO that.

prettiestplatypus

The new Pokemon TCG Pocket full art goes crazy!

•18+ Adults Only

Watch Anya Live on Cam

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.

✓ Live Streaming✓ Interactive Chat✓ Private Shows✓ HD Quality✓ Free Actions

Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming

downwithpeople

teaboot

I wasn’t gonna talk about it but one of my parents died the other day and the weirdest part has been not talking about it, specifically because they sucked and I kind of don’t care and that’s not a very hashtag relateable thing to bring up around the office so I’m just walking around at work rn like “nah not much going on hbu”

teaboot

As a “dark humour is my coping mechanism” person I would describe this feeling as “children’s birthday clown with a flashbang grenade” and I gotta say, the deeply fucked up power is intoxicating

teaboot

Man with the power to end any conversation

enki2

shop5

let’s be real the pressure to use AI as an adult is exactly what they said the pressure the do drugs as a teenager would be like but the people that told us that caved immediately for the AI and definitely did not just say no

midnights-dragon

•18+ Adults Only

Watch Anya Live on Cam

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.

✓ Live Streaming✓ Interactive Chat✓ Private Shows✓ HD Quality✓ Free Actions

Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming

hanleialuke

5 things your character can't do while speaking

Choke. Just think about it, seriously. Think about what choking is and imagine speaking while it’s happening. That would fuckin’ hurt, man.

Hiss. Look, it’s just not possible, okay? No matter how “evil” you want your character to seem.

Snarl. Animals snarls. The Beast from Beauty and the Beast snarls. The Hulk snarls. You know who doesn’t snarl? PEOPLE WHEN THEY’RE SPEAKING.

Shriek. Come on, 99% of the time, “shriek” is not the word you want.Let’s face it: if you put an exclamation point at the end of the sentence, your reader gets the picture. Don’t bring to mind banshees and screaming toddlers.

Sneer. I’m not even going to bother explaining this one. “SNEER” ISN’T EVEN A SOUND.

phrux

Choked is not meant to be taken literally, an obstruction in the throat. It means they’re having difficultly speaking, they’re forcing the words out with difficulty. Often used when the character is convulsed in tears or laughter.

Hiss is a low, threatening whisper. Raw, guttural, vicious. It is NOT a literal hiss like an animal, it is a tone of voice that serves the same function. Someone will hiss that they’re going to cut your throat- a message from one person to the other.

Snarl is the same kind of thing. Not literal, it’s a tone of voice that serves the same function. It’s raw and gutteral like a hiss, but more savage than vicious. It’s loud, it’s showy, it’s intimidating. It’s very alpha male, big man, look at how fucking dangerous I am. I’ll take ALL of you on. Even if they’re snarling at one person in particular, nobody better back them up or they’re gonna get fucked up too.

Shriek. Come on, seriously? We’ve all heard people shriek either in fear or outrage. High pitched, loud, out of control, feminine. Men can shriek, but it’s funny and emasculating. Think angry italian women throwing pots and pans or ladies on tables who just saw a mouse.

Sneering is contempt whether it’s a facial expression or a tone of voice or both. There are a hundred different ways to sneer with your voice, but it all adds up to the same thing.