Man I miss free the nipple. Its getting warmer and we don’t even have free the nipple anymore

i’ve been withholding my personality from my colleagues for months now because i’m very different from them and i thought my peculiar way of…being…and off-putting hobbies would be met with disgust but i invited them over last week and now they are all excitedly bringing me bones and trinkets and even the fresh roadkill (!!!) they find and think my curiosities collection is the coolest thing ever. the moral here is if you give people the chance to see you they might actually love you.

stop. analyse that text through the lens of its author's intentions and original historical context. okay now take the author out back and kill them dead and analyse that text as though it were published by your mutual yesterday and is in direct conversation the contemporary discourse that's most relevant to your life. okay now pick your favorite angle of interpretation and come up with the strongest possible argument against it. now imagine that the text is your best friend and that it means you well and that you naturally give it every benefit of the doubt because you're on its side and you want the best for it. now imagine that the text wants you dead and it'll eat you if you don't eat it first. now pretend that you found this text locked away in a cave with no evidence of when or where it came from and you have to divine its meaning solely through its internal coherence and nothing else. okay now address the elephant in the room aspect of the text you've been ignoring because you find it boring or confusing or uncomfortable and become the number one expert on it. now spend forty minutes assigning all the characters dnd classes with at least three sentences of reasoning each. okay now do the cha cha slide.

Modern vampire who has spent the last 70-ish years of their immortality primarily being slutty in nightclubs and non-lethal snacking on hookups shocked and uncomfortable that most vampires older than the lightbulb are really into torture and cruelty and eating babies alive. Super excited to finally meet his own kind and then oh no. oh fuck. time out wtf are they doing. this is profoundly unsexy they bit that guy’s arm off and are letting him crawl around screaming and crying. there’s not even any kissing or grinding or club music. is this normal?? i am Going to throw up i’ve gotta get these poor ppl out of here. askjeeves how to smuggle 30 naked prisoners (assorted genders) out of vampire mansion time sensitive.

a book should be $5 a little drink should be $2 and museum access should be free and all hours

the worst part of summer is that people get sooo comfortable expressing their disgust at having to see other people’s bodies. they’re always complaining about wrinkly old men at the nude hot springs or fat women in bikinis at the beach. I hate that shit. if you’re not capable of being normal about bodies you personally don’t find attractive, just turn your head to look at something else! and if you’re not smart enough to do that, then at least do the rest of us the courtesy of suffering in silence, because we don’t wanna hear your weird comments. thanks.

it's kind of crazy to not allow kids to swear. why do they have to perform their own childness. is it like, a sex thing for parents, some kinda power play, or what?

it's the same as how violating gender roles (and especially being transgender) makes other people around you uncomfortable even though it has nothing to do with them. it makes the artifice of the social category visible, when people prefer to believe that it's natural. that has implications for the viewer's actions and position within the social category, not just the person they're viewing. they could violate those gender roles in the same way, and so the fact that they're not doing so becomes a choice, rather than a natural inevitability, and their separation from the "opposite" gender becomes lessened, and what does that mean for their own gender? if children aren't a fundamentally different type of creature from adults, with appropriately different moral standards for what behavior towards them are acceptable, then maybe some of the ways that they have treated (and intend to continue to treat) children were like, bad? these types of social categories require active maintenance to keep people believing in the reality and naturalness of the category, and making people do arbitrary and visible stuff like that is a component of that maintenance

okay hang on let me get into sweetheart mode [rips open my ribcage and a bunch of really gross looking sludge falls out and i'm clearly in horrible pain but i'm smiling so sincerely and warmly at you through the tears in my eyes that you can almost bring yourself to ignore it]