it is illegal to be mean to me

#i am high and exhausted why does the dude in the comic look like straight adamtots #like im siding with the cool leftist lady and the baby

When your deadbeat dad (vampiric maker) finally comes home with the milk (lestat’s mom bomb) and you can be a happy family again! (toxic couple that commits atrocities together)

man sometimes friendship really is just "I saw this and knew it would give you psychic damage. please respond with agony" and then they do. and it's great

it must be so freeing to be as stupid as a ceo. not a single thought echoing through that hollowed out skull. you get paid more money in 20 minutes than a handful of small countries make in a year combined to say the biggest number you can think of and if your company doesn’t hit that number you get to fire all of them

Man this store has a weird playlist, it's all Weird Al songs but with the lyrics switched out for ones that aren't funny.

HOW IS MY SISTER STRAIGHT UP CARRYING A GUZHENG?????

I think if Ryan Gosling saw the hey girl I mean they meme he would get a little sad and confused and say something like “I always respect peoples pronouns..”