it is illegal to be mean to me

taylor swift would release a 30th special edition of the tortured poets department to block the vampire lestats spot on the billboard chart and within 24 hrs travis kelce would go missing

being extremely out of the loop especially regarding social media trends and discourse means you often end up learning things only after they've been turned into memes like ten times removed from the original context. for example the first time I ever read the term "girl dinner" it was on a gif of the T-Rex from Jurassic Park eating people so you can imagine the confusion when some time later I stumbled upon posts where people were hating on it and calling it gender essentialist

it's seriously fucked up that our society expects women to spend most of their energy hunting alone and fighting for their food while men can just chill with their herds as they munch on leaves

“Based on your likes!” And it’s either the worst take in existence or pure untagged gibberish from a fandom that normally consists of three (3) people.

Shout out to mediocre black people actually. Shout out to black people who are bad at shit. You don’t need to be the best for your life to matter.

the thing is they really do let you hit because you're goofy.

i say shit like "whuh oh!" and it makes girls want to kiss me under moonlight for some reason

Gabrielle offhandedly saying “oh by the way I’ll be dead by spring” to her son slumped on the floor in a pool of his own blood is exactly how my emotionally constipated family likes to deliver bad news

you should get a second evening for reading fan fiction. And you should get an extra day in the week to do arts and crafts.

lestat using noah's ark as an excuse for his incest...girl you have to know you're reaching

I wish people were as scared of getting into a car accident as they are of being true crime'd. Maybe then they wouldn't be on their phones while driving.

True crime girlies will be like "wtf I would never go for a walk at night, what if the hash slinging slasher gets me" and then use their knees to merge with no turn signal in front of a semi while applying makeup with both hands

i think you should be able to emoji react to MyChart lab results