A lot of weird bullshit. Have Fun.

Like for example how I checked forty firewalls for a security issue because I know nobody else at the company was aware of the breach happening because I'm the only one who reads security news regularly and how each of those forty probably should have been a fifteen minute ticket and I'm just now realizing that I probably have like ten hours of billing that I did before I technically started today. Goddamnit. I don't want to make forty fucking tickets but I should probably make forty fucking tickets.

I am incapable of keeping my nose in my own department nobody keeps up with security news unless there is a literally global outage and it makes me insane I feel like I need to create an internal newsletter or put together an aggregator or some shit.

Wait, listening to the same song on repeat is stimming?

I do not mean a normal amount of listening to the same song on repeat I mean that in October and November 2022 the only thing I listened to was Type O Negative's "Black No. 1" and I listened to it for 18 hours a day. This is, apparently, a kind of stimming.

*quietly hides the four playlists that I have that are just copies of one song from different recordings or releases*

To be clear I do not know what the normal amount is. When Large Bastard and I started dating I had a tape in my car with Tom Petty's "Dancing at the Zombie Zoo" on it that I knew exactly when to flip the other side (halfway through "Yer so Bad") so that I could flip it again and listen to Zombie Zoo again and I did that enough that Large Bastard still can't listen to Tom Petty and also it wore through the tape. So whatever normal is it is probably less than that.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN MOST KIDS DON'T HAVE TO BE TRAINED OUT OF WALKING ON TIP TOES

When not wearing shoes, will you be wearing socks? "Always" and "never" are both very diagnostic here.

Well, you see, the answer to this is nuanced because I Have A System (said while groaning and putting my face in my hands).

Transcript: Yesterday my cousin said that my rooster wasn't a real rooster. He said he's a Walmart rooster. *chicken noises* Does this not look like a real rooster to you? *chicken makes a sound again* Sure, he's small, but he has feelings.

important context this person looks and sounds like they’re gonna cry

Also important to note that the rooster appears to be roughly the size of a large pigeon.

The pigeon people have informed me he is the size of a normal pigeon, or perhaps even a small pigeon. Fucking rip.

@screaming-velociraptor bird post!

No offense to Mithrun but he really was dumber than a 14 year old. Thistle had that shit locked down for ONE THOUSAND YEARS. Sure he wasn't having a great time for most of it but in terms of duration that Minecraft kid was the most successful Dungeon Lord in history. Mithrun's fake little tea party collapsed and got him eaten within 5 years. The hubris of snake pussy. Meanwhile the Winged Lion had to orchestrate Delgal's escape to the surface and a whole fake hero prophecy just to get out from under Thistle's littlest jester boot.

it’s weird that professional letters are supposed to start with “dear.” i don’t even call my mom that

my darling hiring manager. my springtime rose. if hired i will bring a strong work ethic to this position