Trying my Best

i have a private pinned post that just has a link to this dashboard on it, it's great. two dashboards for life

A cinematic masterpiece.

I CANNOT stress enough that in the Spy Kids films, Danny Trejo is literally playing his titular character from the Machete movies, who happens to be the kids’ uncle, because the movies have the same director

what this reply misses is that Machete originated *in* Spy Kids. the Machete movies are Spy Kids spinoffs

I think it’s important to make clear that Robert Rodriguez, the director, says that Spy Kids and Machete are alternate universe versions of each other , while Danny Trejo, the actor, says that what happens in Machete is just what he does when he’s not hanging out with the kids

friend is trying to sell her car bc shes moving to a state with vehicle inspections and her prius lives in defiance of god. anyway so shes cleaning it out at my apartment complex bc we have dumpsters and her roommate forgot to pay the trash bill. i will be liveblogging my experience watching her do this and you will understand why i refuse to help her

"oh no i disturbed the nursery section of The Colony!!! D: D: " awesomesauce. i hope an asteroid comes and kills us both

i must stress: before today she DID NOT KNOW about the ant colony in there . she thought ants just really liked to climb inside anytime the car was parked.

bringing this post back bc i found a video of her offering me the phantom cd set and i said no because the box was coated in a syrupy mat of human hair and she was confused because "we know whos hair it is" ???? as if the origin of the hair was the only fucking holdup

@entities-of-posts

The Corruption

Valuable supplemental research.

"boys have dirty rooms but clean cars, girls have clean rooms but dirty cars" is a statistical error. Most car owners keep it neat regardless of gender. Ants Georgette, who drives around in a Prius-shaped ant colony (their little ant feet do the Fred Flintstone thing), is an outlier adn should not have been counted.

Imagine being a full ass adult and needing to beef with a puppet who suggested *checks notes* basic empathy.

My girlfriend shouted "Deported to where? Sesame Street?!"

Herding sheep, looking after kids, and playing healer in videogames: every day you're surprised of the sheer innovative genius of how they'll find the most inconvenient goddamn places just outside your reach to get hurt or put themselves in lethal danger.

Isn’t this sheep in real life?

Children in real life also.

The humble Oxford comma

#you can understand op by using your brain

When you post on tumblr: every day you're surprised by the sheer innovative genius of the ways they'll find to miss understand you

being a kid and hearing adults say stuff like "woah 2011 was 4 years ago haha" didn't really convey the fucking horror of a youtube video crossing my recommended labelled "9 years ago" and it's from 2017. that's not true. 9 years ago is 2010 or something. don't lie.

car is a sentient beast that eats dollars and can tell when you have money in your bank account

funniest fucking thing about this is that he did all this with the monks and there was a whole thing about centering himself and being more in control and then the playoffs rolled around and he basically lost his shit right left and center, including being thrown out of a game for intentionally elbowing another player in the throat

no matter how little you think you know about history you shouldn’t beat yourself up over it because there is always someone who knows less than you and is more confident about it. someone once said that bridgerton was medieval to me

another person also thought that the middle ages were the period in between wwi and wwii so you should always be proud of yourself for having any sort of knowledge about the medieval period. i’m proud of you for not thinking fdr was an important medieval figure.