Jay the Juiceman

basketball dracula isn't real dude he can't-- *sudden squeaking noises from the shadows*

*two pool toys having sex tumble by in the wind* oh thank god

*thunderous slam dunk noise*

I love helping everyone rediscover the fact that the opening passage of My Immortal is a parody of the opening passage of The Vampire Lestat and not just a generic exaggeration of the typical fanfic Mary Sue introduction. One of the many delightful goth kid Easter eggs the author planted for the audience.

I'm convinced My Immortal is a big joke, not a legitimate amateur teenage fanfic

my 100% proof of this is how she always spells sirius black's name as "serious". at one point, sirius says something in a grave manner, written in the story as: "serious said siriusly". its my favorite bit

My fat fairy ass eating the sprinkles off of donuts and sipping on sprite puddles

fairies r fat as shit off nectar

You can just say Haruki Murakami's books

tom nook is NOT a landlord!!! he is a construction worker! he SELLS you a WHOLE HOUSE! He is not CHARGING YOU however many bells a month to live there! You PURCHASE a HOME that he BUILDS FOR YOU and then you PAY HIM FOR HIS SERVICE. He charges no interest he sets no time limit it is a relationship built on trust. the only penalty you get for not paying off your home is that he won't build more home until you pay him for the first one. A guy that builds you a house wherever you want him to and then charges you for the cost of construction is not a landlord you own the fucking home

He is, however, in the mafia

We already said he was in construction