get your vitamin d levels checked

stop. analyse that text through the lens of its author's intentions and original historical context. okay now take the author out back and kill them dead and analyse that text as though it were published by your mutual yesterday and is in direct conversation with the contemporary discourse that's most relevant to your life. okay now pick your favorite angle of interpretation and come up with the strongest possible argument against it. now imagine that the text is your best friend and that it means you well and that you naturally give it every benefit of the doubt because you're on its side and you want the best for it. now imagine that the text wants you dead and it'll eat you if you don't eat it first. now pretend that you found this text locked away in a cave with no evidence of when or where it came from and you have to divine its meaning solely through its internal coherence and nothing else. okay now address the elephant in the room aspect of the text you've been ignoring because you find it boring or confusing or uncomfortable and become the number one expert on it. now spend forty minutes assigning all the characters dnd classes with at least three sentences of reasoning each. okay now do the cha cha slide.

Everybody's masc until MIKA comes on

"okay ❤️ yay ❤️" remains an unmatched response

A cat is a machine that turns proteins into violence.

OH MY GOD MY CATS HAVE FANART

horrible fucking partner just said apropos of nothing “and i’ll SUCK, and i’ll FUCK, and i’ll BLOW YOUR BACK OUT” like the big bad wolf.

Hello, welcome to 2050, our gallery - oh, no, that art is not done with AI, the industry collapsed decades ago, but human artists have rediscovered the aesthetic and are using it ironically. Yeah they call it Neo-Modern AI Chic, they've been trying to recover surviving slop and put it in the archives. Oh, we're very into 2020s aesthetics now. You remember, Hyperlink Unburbia? Rustic Pseudo-Cryptid? Self-Care Shadowscape? You don't...know any of those? That's weird. They really define your time, is all, uh, and we're into it

something about Toy Story toys is so strange to me. versions of animated characters based on real world toys, turned back into toys that are slightly different than the actual toys. slinky dog with a rubber spiral instead of a classic metal slinky. the porcelain bo peep and cloth woody turned into jointed plastic action figures. when toy story 4 came out and i saw a $30 talking action figure of forky, a character made out of a spork and a pipe cleaner, i stood in the walmart toy aisle staring at it like cameron from ferris bueller's day off staring at that painting in the art museum

"Well this spot worked for the last gals"

@onenicebugperday

now realize that this is what bees have done to us