we were chased!

Arranged marriages are the norm on Erid, but unlike on Earth, these marriages are strictly for producing children and/or strengthening alliances between families. And I do mean strictly. Romance is STRONGLY discouraged between arranged partners, perhaps even to the extent of being outlawed historically.

For such a long-lived species, keeping a stable child-rearing situation is imperative. Especially considering they tend to have five kids at a time, and every single member of the species is constantly multitasking and can't focus for longer than like, twenty minutes. I think child-rearing is mostly likely a communal activity (like it has been on Earth historically), and I think that platonic, non-passionate relationships are encouraged in these situations to maximise chances for a positive upbringing.

Now anyone can tell you that platonic relationships are not necessarily non-passionate or non-violent, but that's the fun thing about culture, it doesn't always map onto reality - the idea of raising children in calm/peaceful environments is more important than, y'know, it actually happening, and the idea that platonic relationships are better for children is more widespread than the acknowledgement that Man I Think It Depends.

So: platonic relationships are the ideal for raising children. This also (in theory) allows for communal raising to be more streamlined and easy to implement. Because you have your Designated Secondary Parental Figure, your extended family members, and your friends. That's who is allowed to help raise your child. What more could you need? So far so good-ish!

But then that inevitably creates a hierarchy wherein romantic relationships are ... not frowned upon, per se. But they're not supposed to happen within the context of raising a family. They're supposed to happen completely removed from it. I don't think you can structure a society around platonic relationships without allowing for the reality of romance - well, I mean, you could. They're aliens. But we're not going to, for reasons of fun and angst - so I think what might end up happening is, once again taking a cue from human history, you do get romantic relationships ... so long as they don't interfere with your platonic family, much the same way that a lot of human societies looked the other way with regards to same-gender relationships as long as the participants were discreet and didn't endanger the hegemonic family structure in the society at the time. Y'know, like Chinese emperors, French princes, and English queens having their favourites, which were tolerated only as long as the royals kept popping out viable heirs and didn't flaunt it too much.

I think that this would lead to interesting situations where you might end up in an arranged marriage with someone and if you do fall in love with them, you're expected to keep it a secret! Because what are you, some kind of freak? Trying to destablise the family structure for your weird obsession with another person? Who you're having kids with?! Don't you know that could mess up your kids for life?!

You get where I'm going with this. Being romantically involved with the parent of your children is some weird pervert shit on Erid.

If we accept that arranged marriages also have the goal of stabilising long-term alliances, it would add to the taboo, because it's not only the children you affect, it's the wider community. If that relationship goes south, or the romance ends, you're putting everyone else through your selfish feelings about it. Better to keep the relationship stable, platonic, and mutually non-passionate.

All of this to say: I think that the term "mate" on Erid may have a specific meaning - "secondary parent of my (future or current) children, with whom I share custody and a mutually platonic relationship."

And I think. That Adrian and Rocky might have fallen in love anyway.

I think that they held off on having kids for that reason. The social pressure is probably quite high to avoid having children if you're romantically involved. And I think that Rocky confessing to Grace that he misses Adrian the most from Erid is a very vulnerable thing that he only mentioned once he understood that on Earth, romance and child-rearing aren't segregated things, and in fact are most often expected. I think that he thought he wouldn't have to explain the whole mates vs. romance thing and so he felt safe telling somebody - not just anybody either, but his best friend and saviour - the truth about the person he loves.

And here we go into grockdrian territory:

Of course, all of this happens prior to Rocky realising that 1. Grace WILL be returning to Erid with him, and he hasn't explained the whole romance vs. mates thing, and 2. Rocky is falling for Grace, whose culture doesn't seem to do multiple romances (Grace is not fully queer literate. Living in San Francisco gave him the bare minimum but nothing else, he hasn't mentioned polyamory to Rocky), so Grace probably wouldn't want to be with Rocky if Rocky's still with Adrian, which he definitely does want to be, let alone be with Rocky AND Adrian, and 3. A romance with Grace probably WOULD be accepted by the majority of Erid since they're planet saviours and all, and they can't have children, even with Grace's gross human body, but that would mean hiding his relationship with Adrian, which was painful enough when it was just the two of them.

Coming back to this because like… How much flack does Rocky get for his devotion to Grace? Romantic relationships are seen as inherently unstable. Keeping Grace alive on Erid is not just expensive and difficult, it's prioritising the needs of a single person (an alien!) over so many other things. Not only that, but it requires teams of specialists. A bad romance might disrupt others in the family group, but this interstellar romance is disrupting careers and industries at a never before seen scale! This goes against Eridian values and norms so hard it's insane. Humans have a shorter lifespan than some pets. Rocky, wtf are you doinggg??

The video diaries aren’t just Grace talking to Earth. They’re Grace talking to Stratt. Doing what he always did for her, explaining the science, breaking it down. It’s not clear how much of the rest of his life he remembers over the course of the movie (and beyond) but he absolutely remembers her, she is what he has left of Earth to hold on to up there.

It’s undeniable that she’s the one he’s addressing in the final entry, when he says goodbye. But I didn’t realize it was all of them. She is the “Grace friend” Rocky asks about. It puts her there on the ship with him, as long as he can communicate to her they’re still connected, he still has a sense of her presence with him. And how much more of a gut punch that makes his memory of the sedation, as he grew to trust her all over again through his flashbacks, as he felt closer and closer to someone who was light-years away. Only to remember that she betrayed him, that he failed her, that the friendship he was still relying on as he pieced himself back together was already gone, and even if he went back it could never be the same.

guy from 2006: do you have dude where's my car

guy(?) from 1862: and these hormone remedies you spoke of earlier, they allow you to develop sexual characteristics of a female? is that true? are they expensive?

me: nah theyre not that expensive, i can hook you up bartholemew. seconding dude wheres my car

guy who owns multiple criterion blu rays: i do not own such a movie physically

me: its chill its on tubi

guy from 2006: tubi rocks

me: yeah tubis chill. here [plays the movie]

girl from 1862: BY JOVE? ARE THESE MOVING PICTURES? HOW FASCINATING! ...do they make pornographic content like this?

their relationship is special to me

she needed. a chair

1)when he meets Jorah he would immediately behead him for being a slaver and fleeing his sentence