tomfoolery is my hobby

your mychart skin biopsy results are in. you have the mole that turns you into the joker

@crowscriven ocean creature for you

If you are attracted to a girl it's important to show her sinister artifacts and relics

you can't oppression olympics your way out of how your trauma affected you.

"other people had it worse" bitch! I don't care! just from looking at you it's plain and obvious that you've had a time of it! a person can drown in six inches of water, it doesn't matter if someone else is drowning in ten feet! you're both still fucking drowning! show yourself a little bit of compassion before I come over there and do it for you. this is a threat

I’m gonna propose “I guess you haven’t read the silmarillion then :/” as a default response to anyone not understanding a reference to something obscure. even if it’s not remotely Tolkien related. I want to build up a perception that perhaps the sum total of human knowledge is contained in the silmarillion

XKCD and Tumblr once again providing weapons I cannot use

experiencing adolescence in the 2010s has fucked my perspective of the word “epic” totally beyond repair. i will forever view it in the same league as words like “awesomesauce” and “legitness” im sorry. theres just no going back

Stop Humidity the air is trying to touch me Inappropriately

But if it was a GIRL hanging out the passenger side of her best friend's ride trying to holla at me then I might feel differently...

I need to talk to more people with a fake eye. Where my prosthetic eye people at. I need to talk hyperspecific experiences.

does anyone else get the thing where sometimes if you startle really hard, your fake eye squeezes out a bit of goop, like the stereotypical peeing in fear but instead it’s eye goop

or you know the thing where when the wind is really cold and blowing right at your face, and you know it’s probably not literally blowing into the cracks around your eye to hit your eye socket, because your eye is #secure in there, but it sure feels like that’s what it’s doing? And what it’s actually doing is just freezing the shit out of this chunk of kinda-ceramic that is both nakedly exposed to the frigid air and directly touching soft, warm inner parts of your body that are really not designed to be touched by outside forces?

this fucker gets so dry on airplanes.

for 3 years running I took my eye out on Halloween to greet trick-or-treaters with an empty eye socket, and not once in three years did any of the kids even notice, and I gotta be honest: that was a real blow to morale. Am I not cool? Am I not creepy? Am I so utterly incomparable to a bowl of free candy?

does anyone else almost never rub their real eye when tired, for trained fear of injuring it in any way, but compensate by rubbing their fake eye extra hard, because it feels nothing?