Powdered Wigs and Screaming

me, reaching into my dresser drawer for black pants: I hope this isn’t the pair with big holes worn in the inner thighs

My personal experience with being asked this question and then given that line, is that the neurotypical person expected you to feel shame. I have some slightly less anecdotal evidence to back up this anecdotal experience. I took substitute teacher training once, and we were told that the best thing to do with middle schoolers "acting up," was to shame them, to figure out how to draw attention to them and this negative attention in front of their peers would shame them into good behaviour, or at least silence. I raised my hand, having already distinguished myself as the "weirdo" of the group, and said, "Is this the reason I spent a lot of time in the principal's office for truthfully, loudly, and clearly answering questions like, 'would you care to share your thoughts with the class?'" And was told yes, that was a perfect example, but I was the rare case where it backfires.

I'd say for many people the difference is based on the presumption of whatever happened being intentional or not, and people are really bad at discerning this, especially for neurodivergent people and children. If a person gives what they think are clear instructions and someone doesn't follow them, or they see someone doing something that to them feels obstinate for "no reason," etc., they can't always grasp that something they think is simple couple be misunderstood. Instead they assume that person is being difficult on purpose, and thus view any explanation of why the person is acting that way as a sort of lie or deflection from responsibility rather than a rational explanation. A teacher who can't figure out the difference sees two kids with no homework - one is a slacker who says the dog ate it, and the other is an undiagnosed autistic who insists the instructions were unclear - as the same, because doing the homework "should" have been easy and automatic, when the two kids are not actually the same at all.

Important rules for the "age verification" era of the internet that we're living in: