Nordic jungle

Intense background and criminal background checks and anything violent automatically disqualifies you.

Make getting a gun/gun permit more like getting a driver’s license:

permit to learn

includes an exam with 18 or more questions on the policies, laws, and etc of guns and gun ownership

if you get more than 8 questions incorrect you must retake it.

30 hours of practical experience at a gun range with a licensed teacher

Must take a 5 hour class on the dangers of guns and how to use them safely which will then yield you a certificate that grants you to take the practical exam and lasts for one year. If you don’t gain the license within the allotted year you must retake the class.

A practical exam with a licensed instructor who will grade you on various skills. If you pass you may be granted a permit on the weapon of your choice, the exams may differ on the type of firearm you want.

Follow the Japanese model where you must have two gun safes in different areas of the house, one to store the gun and one to store the bullets and you must provide the police with information on where those safes are.

No concealed carry and only handguns may be allowed to be out in public.

If transporting a weapon, it must be in the trunk of the vehicle, in a bag or some other case, safety on and unloaded and may not leave the vehicle until you are at the destination.

If you’re a hunter or some other gun hobbyist that requires a functional weapon other than a handgun then the gun must stay on the premises, whether that is a gun range or the Fish and Wildlife facility.

If you live in a rural area where police (and people, for that matter) are few and far between, something akin to a deer hunting rifle should provide plenty of protection from predators and poachers, you still have to follow the aforementioned steps.

It was simple, effective, and meant that the only guns in civilian hands were on farms a fuckmillion miles away from the cities and were actually being used for constructive purposes, not just collecting dust in a closet, waiting for some curious five year old to find them and blow their own heads off.

The other day a rifle was discharged in my street.  It was used by a volunteer wildlife rescue worker to euthanise a badly injured kangaroo.  He kept it in a locked case in his truck until he determined there was no way to save the animal.  He retrieved it, fired it once, returned it to its case and then phoned the local police department to let them know that he had discharged a firearm and why he’d done so, because it’s a semi-rural area and most people are like me.  It was the first time, in my 20+ years of living in Australia, that I’ve ever seen a gun fired for anything other than practice.

Plastic bags

Old Man McGregor

Sea Swine

Underwater Lipstick

This Geek

Sheepshead Fish because Peopletoothed Fish was taken

A dick

Seizure machines

Seamus who I met at a Rave in downtown Seattle once.

Cosmic Brain if nothing was going on in there

But given that it’s a pain to seek out each one one by one, I’ve got a list of links in order a smidge further down! Please try to support Dark Horse Comics if you can, but if you’re broke like me and still want to read, the Internet is a beautiful place. According to the wiki page, there are at least two more installments to come, scheduled for May 1st and June 5th, but there’s no real update schedule for the series as a whole.

Do note: they are graphic, gory, and sad, with a lot of body horror. But they’re really fantastic.

Beasts of Burden: Animal Rites contains: 1. Stray 2. The Unfamiliar 3. Let Sleeping Dogs Lie 4. A Dog and His Boy 5. The Gathering Storm 6. Lost 7. Something Whiskered This Way Comes 8. Grave Happenings

9. Sacrifice (Hellboy Crossover)

Beasts of Burden: Neighborhood Watch contains: 10. Food Run 11. Story Time 12. The View From The Hill (the one in this post!)

Jeff Goldblum:

Flanos

My God.

If ever there was a job that made you despair for humanity.

I learned two things there: 

1. People are petty-ass bitches who can’t stand to see their “neighbor on welfare” doing “better” than they are.

2. 99.9999% of the time there was no actual fraud, just a GROSS lack of knowledge as to how the welfare system actually works on the part of both non-recipients.

Example: Had some guy report his neighbor for owning an “expensive antique car”. Said car was a 1978 Buick with no remaining paint, no hubcaps, and was at least fifth-hand. At the time, the year was 2002. I politely explained that a) that’s not a classic car and b) he should pity his neighbor the gas mileage and insurance costs. The caller said he had not thought of that and hung up.

My other favorite was someone calling to report that their “neighbor on welfare” who was a single mother with no income or support had her children in a “private school”. I asked what the name of the school was. Said private school is actually a charity-run orphanage and school for children who have no parents, or whose family situation is less than stable. I informed the caller of this and they hung up without a word.

Someone else called and felt that their “neighbor on welfare” should have to sell all their jewelry, antiques, family heirlooms, and collection of vintage sports memorabilia before they could be eligible to be “given free money” by the state.

The system is old, overtaxed, convoluted, and being forced to function in a way that was never intended. Like the workhouses of the 19th c, welfare was originally for out of work men. But the people who wound up using it were women, children, the disabled, and the elderly. This continues to this day.

Me, ears perking up: “Great! Can I have their name?”

Customer: “It’s Stephanie ____”

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