Nihilistic Existentialism

To anyone who reads this: Please make sure you’ve eaten today. Refill your water if you need to, and give yourself time to breathe. Sometimes doing the bare minimum for yourself feels impossible. If you’re going to put your energy into any one thing today, it should be for looking after yourself. Just maintaining your existence is enough.

I am simultaneously watching tik toks, listening to music, cracking every joint in my tiny body, and drafting a text message to a friend. Also my dad is vacuuming and the sound makes me angry. The fact that my distractions are distracting me is also upsetting why am I even writing this?

Every once in awhile, a friend and I will hyper-fixate on the same subject, and we’ll waste an entire lunch period ranting about cephalopods

What even is advertising these days? I saw a commercial where the gist was “gen z, you’re fucked. You should totally join the army about it!” Like bruh. Then the next commercial was a cereal ad with Tony the Tiger kin being normalized. They took the time to animate it and not once did anyone say ‘is this weird?’

I love Thai curry, yellow curry with beef especially, but I react to spice like potassium in water. Boom. Everything hurts, everything’s numb, my teeth hurt, but the curry is too good. I’ve had so much milk (lactose free) and I’m barely halfway through my bowl. I even ordered the mild. MILD! I’d blame my white genes but my dad puts ghost pepper hot sauce on all the shit.

Mukbang is ruining my life

Mondays suck but small children have no concept of this. I’m on Zoom with my writing teacher and her 4-year-old daughter just yells “morning mommy I made you coffee!!!” My teacher is afraid but literally every sleep deprived teen in the class just smiled and laughed. They want this child as the president. Small children are alright. ☕️

Happy anniversary to that one time my appendix nearly ruptured and I had to go into emergency surgery to get the bitch out my body. The pain was so bad that it caused me to throw up and I didn’t even think to go in right away since it felt like cramps. I also wasn’t considered for surgery right away since the doctors had to do several invasive tests to see if I was pregnant, despite my protests of being a gay virgin. Frustrating to say the least. Anyways, I came out of surgery, bit my lip while I was high, and missed several exams. Nightmare precursor to 2020, so it’s gonna be hard to top that this year.

Do you ever just vibe so good that you’re completely unaware that you’re a human person? That everything is so far away and the present is something so forgettable. Transcendent.

My buddy just gave me some homemade bagels and they are so good! It was really sweet of him and I was so hungry so I’m just sitting here with a multitude of bagels just vibing and loving friendship :)