buck realises he's in love with eddie and immediately talks himself out of it. because he Can't be in love with eddie. he Won't be, actually. Nope! so he googles how to get over someone and ends up reading like. a cosmo article with bullet points. and he's like, Great! i can do this! so he—well. the first rule is cut off contact and he can’t really do that. unless he puts in for another transfer request. but then everyone will know something's Up so. he buys a house instead (normal). Space! and avoids eddie as much as possible. makes excuses for not hanging out. it's fine! it's only temporary! until he gets over him! he writes down all of his feelings in a letter and then burns it. he puts all of his photos of eddie in a box. so he doesn't have to Look at them. he joins a dating app. meets up with a few people. and it's fine. it's just fine! he's doing so good. by the fourth date he doesn't even mention eddie at all! he's getting such a good grade in getting over eddie!
meanwhile. eddie is going Crazy. buck is acting Weird and he's not talking to anyone about it, LEAST of all eddie. and work is getting more and more tense. because buck will barely even Look at him. and eddie's getting mad. and he keeps trying to confront buck about it. but buck keeps giving him excuses and saying weird, cryptic things like, give me a couple more weeks! and eddie keeps trying to press him, a couple more weeks for WHAT? and buck's just like. uh. you know. to settle. into the house and stuff. busy busy! don't worry about it! and eddie's like, chris misses you. and buck's face goes :( and he's like, a couple more weeks. anyway a couple weeks pass and eddie is Miserable and he's had Enough. and drives to buck’s new house and is like, i'm not leaving until you tell me what's going on, buck. you've been avoiding me for WEEKS and it's not Fair. at least tell me WHY. and buck takes a breath and says, okay but the first thing you need to know is that i'm not in love with you. and that's... not what eddie expected. he blinks, says carefully, you're not in love with me. and buck's like, yeah. and eddie's like, okay? chest doing something weird. and buck says, but i was. for a while. and eddie's entire body just freezes. stock still. manages to croak out, buck, what— and buck cuts him off, says, i'm not anymore! i swear! but i had to get over you. which is why— and eddie finishes absently, which is why you've been weird. and buck's like, exactly! and eddie feels a little like he’s having an out of body experience. swallows. tries to form words. says, okay. so. let me just—see if i have this right. you were in love with me. and buck nods. and eddie's like, but now you're not. and buck nods again. and eddie says, because you got over me. and buck says, right! isn't that great? see, nothing has to change! i fixed it. and eddie feels Sick. for some reason. like there's a pit in his stomach. gnawing and endless. says blankly, you fixed it. and buck's like, yeah. you don't have to worry. and—
and eddie does not know what to say to that because. Well, this should be a good thing, right? eddie's straight, right? so it should be a good thing. that buck isn't in love with him anymore. ANYMORE. because he WAS. in love with him. but it doesn't Feel good. it hurts, actually. in his chest. how did buck get over him that fast? is he that easy to get over? and why is buck telling him this NOW? now that he's not in love with him anymore? why does eddie want—fuck. how could buck have been in love with him and NOT TOLD HIM? that's not fair. and now he's just not anymore? so eddie doesn't get to—he just went and got over eddie without consulting him about it. without eddie being allowed to live with the knowledge that buck is in love with him. and all of this is spiralling around eddie's head, and buck's still talking. telling eddie everything's fine now and nothing has to change. and eddie tries to say, thank you for telling me, i'm glad you figured it out and we can go back to normal! because that's what he Should say, right? because he shouldn't be upset and angry that his best friend ISN'T in love with him. that's a weird thing for a straight guy to be upset and angry about. he should be relieved. but he's Not. he feels like his ribs are collapsing inwards. and what comes out is, what if i don't want you to be over me? and buck's like, What? frowns and then his eyes widen, big saucers, like he’s hearing the words back. and eddie's like, you don't just Get Over someone that quickly. and buck's like, wait. what is happening here? and eddie's like, you were in love with me and you didn't even let me have a say? and at this point buck looks like he’s been hit over the head. and eddie's heart is beating so fast he’s sure the whole city could probably hear it. and buck's like, i don't understand what you're saying. and eddie says, i don't want you to be over me. which is—true. somehow. he doesn't realise how true it is until he says it. and he's moving now. toward buck. a natural gravitation. and buck says, eddie. and eddie says, buck. and buck says, don't. like it physically pains him.
and eddie stops. just short of buck. Close. and it's like there's a current running through him. like wires have connected somewhere. illumination. and he says, so when did you stop? yesterday? the day before? and buck says, eddie. pained. and eddie murmurs, i don't want you to stop. and buck lets out a sob and eddie leans in. slow. gives buck a chance to move away. but buck pulls him in. and eddie kisses him. and buck kisses him back like someone who is very much Not over him. and eddie breathes a laugh into buck's mouth. pulls away, says, i think i'm in love with you. and buck says, no, you're not. and eddie says, yeah, i am. laughs softly again, everything shaking loose. because he is. fuck. he IS. and buck's looking at him like he’s certifiably insane. and eddie says, any tips on how to get over you? since you're an expert now and everything. and buck laughs wetly. says, actually i think i failed the class. and eddie says, good. and kisses him again.
