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The Sword is the only thing of Wing’s that Drift owns, the only thing that reminds him of Wing (unless of course he looks into a mirror). It’s a comfort, knowing that, at all times, a piece of Wing will be with him, as if Wing is watching over him, protecting him.

Every time he places it onto its stand when he recharges, he fears that when he wakes up it will be gone. The first few nights after leaving New Crystal City was spent holding the Sword close, clutching it so it remains safe in his arms.

Even the thought of not having that comfort on his back, not feeling the heavy weight of the Sword, sends Drift spiralling sometimes. The Sword is essentially his lifeline, a reminder to stay good, to do better, and to live.

So, that's my situation rigth now: Im 18, and dont have any big girl job experience, just ended high school, AND NO ONE IN THIS FUCKED PLACE THAT I LIVE ON WANTS TO HIRE ME. LIKE, I CAN JUST APPLY IF IM OVER 18 AND HAVE EXPERIENCE, LIKE? HOW DA FUCK IM GOING TO HAVE ANY EXPERIENCE IF YOU DONT WANT TO HIRE ME?

And im a not very shy girl, just around people i dont know so well, I've already been called for two job tests, and i got kick out of these two jobs in 2 and 1 FUCKING DAY, THEY FUCKING KNEW THAT I DONT HAVE EXPERIENCE AND EXPLAINED TO ME THAT THEY WANT A PERSON WITH MORE EXPERIENCE, FUCK OFF.

english is not my first language btw and im too fucking lazy to go study seriously about this language, so hope y'all understand

(Actually, that was a draft I made at the beginning of the year; I'm employed now. Happy ending. Just posting this now because i think was SOO funny that i was so hopeless 👍

So: I had a pretty non-violent upbringing. Though it wasn't without disruption and trauma, it wasn't violent and I didn't experience much death and loss close to home. I also had an upbringing that left me pretty ignorant of the world at large. I didn't encounter anti-Black racism, and the media myself and my family consumed was purposefully diverse (like the middle Star Treks).

Now, I always had a drive to Do Justice. Naturally, I was attracted to police work first, because of the impression that copaganda had left with me. I thought that was how to do good and protect people.

Because, on the surface, the threats that I understood existed in America came from criminals and guns and violence. How could it be any other way? What I saw on TV was Bad People doing Bad Things and police putting things to Rights.

When did I learn that the causes of violence were so complex? Not until I was boots-on-the-ground meeting abjectly poor people and promising to defend them, earning their trust, hearing their stories, and coming to understand them. And even on top of that, really feeling out the shape of the criminal justice system and its numerous traps, which I have sketched out for Tumblr in the How The Justice System Works posts, took even longer. It took years of seeing and experiencing things firsthand and hearing from every person involved and realizing how complicated the truth is and following common threads anyway.

At this point, I've spent a literal decade learning this system. My knowledge and understanding of the juvenile "justice" system particularly in my state... like, I'm definitely in the top 100 experts, probably in the top 50, and maybe in the top 25. (A terrifying realization.)

Understanding required on-the-ground knowledge. It wasn't just viewing individual acts -- this crime, that police shooting, this prosecution, that mental health call -- and reaching conclusions. It was knowing where the training comes from. What the rules are. What the "gold standard" is. And even smaller things too: what the police sergeant says before he sends everyone out on patrol. The in-jokes. The sideways glances. The shorthand.

It's not that I think I need a master's degree to understand the Middle East (though to put together enough history to really get to causative roots, someone might need one). It's that my experience of the Israel-Palestine conflict is a whole lot of people Confidently Stating what they believe to be the Truth on Tumblr, combined with individual journalistic pieces. Lads and ladies, I've read the individual journalistic pieces on the criminal justice system, and they are the tiniest of windows, and they don't explain anything. I just don't trust all these sources of information!

Not that I think this information is necessarily wrong -- though, of course, it might be. Let's say everything I've seen and heard relates truthful facts, such as they are. Knowing that certain acts took place is only the first part of understanding a conflict. It's barely enough to start understanding who's responsible for even just that one act!

I think young people especially have a very difficult time with this. They haven't had the experience to really settle in one place and start to Understand how a system works, any system. There's nothing wrong with them; they're still growing. They don't know yet that when you open yourself up to points of view that are truly, absolutely foreign to yourself, you learn truths you didn't even imagine existed.

Today, when I see a kid shoot another kid, I don't see a little gangster criminal who needs to be locked up. I see a tragic trend of young black people in my city feeling like they need to carry a gun for protection, and the natural escalation that occurs from that point. I see causation that involves a world of violence and risk for them, where they do not trust the police and where owning a gun and having a gun is glorified. And I think it's pretty common now to acknowledge that gang violence is something that is perpetuated by the actions of the police and solidified by systemic barriers to economic freedom and progress. It's nice that the broader understanding has made it into the story so I don't have to explain it from jump every time.

But I'm just lacking that understanding when it comes to Israel and Palestine. Reading books will only go so far. (Which, I do still read books, but like. I understand the limitations therein.)

I simply cannot attain the level of understanding that I have for my clients with an overseas conflict. Not without without, like, a huge learning curve, and abandoning a place where I truly believe I am doing good.

I don't know their ground reality. I haven't held their hands and looked into their eyes and listened to their voices. And don't tell me "there are documentaries" -- I was a film production major on top of a poli sci major and I've done documentary filmmaking. I know how easy it is to make even a neutral event into propaganda. And there are so many people who want to make propaganda out of Israel and Palestine.

So, yeah, truth is complicated. My kid-who-shot-another-kid example: I'm drawing from a real life case here. My client was obviously not without blame. Brought the gun. Pulled the trigger. Took a human life. That is murder. It affected so many people. It removed a person from the world forever. War-related violence is also not okay!!

(In fact, at this point, I think I've come down pretty hard against violence of all kinds. From the state especially.)

And, even setting All This Shit aside, I think judgment and blame are impediments in a peace process.

So, while I can make some pretty simple statements, the majority of my judgment is reserved. That's just how it's going to be. Not because I'm pro-Jewish. Not because I'm pro-Arab. Not because I'm picking a side. Because of who I choose to be. I choose to be this.

I want Palestinians to be able to thrive without the oppressive and traumatic infliction of state violence. I would also like my Jewish friends here to be able to thrive without fear of a shooter breaking into a house of worship and killing their friends and family.