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creekfiend

although if we ARE talking about passive aggression my technique is generally (and I have had a LOT OF PRACTICE developing it lmao) is to interpret what I think they're implying and then say "are you asking me to (x)?" in a very polite tone with a friendly (sincere! not mocking!) smile. I find that this often 1. ceases the tiresome cycle of ignoring passive aggressive behavior -> behavior escalates -> ignore it -> it escalates, and on and on that you get if you simply ignore it, 2. lets the person know that in the future they can just fucking ask you directly for god's sake, and very importantly 3. although I strive not to sound condescending when I do this, it is inescapably and obviously something that I learned to say when talking to toddlers. the people I use this with the most (mostly older female relatives but not infrequently on men as well) will often catch a hint of that and sort of realize that their method of approaching me was childish, not in a derogatory sense, but in the sense that they don't need to try to get me to do stuff in the way they got used to working in the past. they can do it differently.

obviously how effective this is varies wildly based on the relationship, or lack thereof, that you have with the other person. but I find it effective with people who are In Your Life but don't meaningfully have any control over you. quite often it DOES result in increased directness in the future, especially if it's something I end up doing fairly often. and it's not rude; I'm just politely seeking clarification about what is being communicated. it makes the person have to think about what effect they were expecting their behavior to have on my behavior, and then just... tell me straightforwardly. but without escalating the situation or making the person feel 'called out' most of the time.

its very simple but I so much more often see people say "always ignore passive aggressive communication" and while I think that's absolutely a good approach much of the time, especially especially from strangers. it is not especially EFFECTIVE at helping them change how they're approaching communicating with you in the future. in my experience. so. I prefer to use my method when I determine that it might be effective.

gayofgaymark2

I use this technique on my grandmother a lot.

She frequently makes requests by telling me what I want, eg "oh wouldn't you like to.." "don't you think it's be nice if..."

It used to drive me up the wall, but now as an adult with better understanding of what's happening I say "Actually I'm fine with x, but I'd be happy to do y if that's what you want?"

One day she actually asked me, "Why is it so important to you that I say that y is what I want?"

and i got to say "Well I don't like being told what I want. I have enough life experience to know my own desires and limitations, and I can advocate for them when I need to. However your opinions do matter to me and I want to take them into account. It's much less stressful for me to do so when I'm not guessing what's in your mind."

And folks, she Actually Listened.

Later that day she wanted something that ended up not being possible, but because she said so directly I was able to help her find a different way to achieve the same goal!

She still slips up, of course, but it was so good to see her Understand.

creekfiend

I love thissssss. yes I have had similar experiences modeling this behavior for older female relatives. I think a lot of them got real used to having to be indirect to get their needs met and it becomes maladaptive but they get stuck.

gh0stienj0yer

i need to get off tumblr i’m at the aquarium admiring the fish and my brain goes “posts that make you want to get in the water” what are you talking about. these are live fish in the room with you. what post.

gh0stienj0yer

posts that make you want to get in the water

bevsi

I don’t think there’s anything inherently wrong with relating to characters, “they’re literally me” etc but if that’s the only way you engage with stories you’re kinda missing the whole point of Characters being vehicles through which we can see perspectives outside of our own. and also you’re going to get upset when the Character acts in a way that is not Personally Relatable to You

bevsi

doubly for shipping. at risk if biting the hand that feeds me, a well written fictional relationship should ideally be more than a didactic template for how to have a nice relationship

onedirectionforever

“you support gay rights so you must be gay”

i support animal rights do i look like a fucking alpaca to you

onedirectionforever

turns out i am gay

monsieurenjlolras

holy shit how’d this alpaca learn how to type

mywitchcultblr

Diversity win! The alpaca is gay!

adreamthatsworthkeeping

thebirdkiwi

he was a llama

fritextramole

a llama?! he’s supposed to be dead!

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sunflowerbutch

🥚

crack egg directly into hot pan, scramble while cooking

crack egg directly into cold pan, stir/scramble, then cook

crack egg into bowl, whisk or stir, THEN pour into pan and cook

other

results

Voting ended onMar 31, 2024

coughloop

leopardmask-ao3

Or you use a plastic/silicon spatula?? Or a silicon whisk?? go to literally any dollar store they have shitty plastic/silicon kitchen utensils you can scramble eggs with without scratching up your pans

great-and-small

Now that’s what I call

great-and-small

@rpepperpotshipssciencebros please forgive me for this one

son-of-drogo

I hate this site so much.

moveslikekeithrichards

this might be kind of a reach but is there a way for printers to connect to devices so that documents can be printed from them

avidcollectorofdust

Really glad predictive text exists. Should i bring my own parking lot

The trope where people don't recognize each other because it's been so long since they last interacted and they've both changed so much that they're basically strangers UNTIL one of them does their Signature Thing™ and the other just stops dead because oh. It's YOU. All at once it's so clearly you

petrichormeraki

This flavor of reblog to this post always makes me laugh so hard thank you

helloitsbees

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yorkshirearthurdent

I think if I heard I Gotta Feeling by The Black Eyed Peas in the correct circumstances it could move me to tears. It's like the promise of a brighter future that never came to pass

yasfera2-deactivated20220905

mortimermcmirestinks

every fucking time I see this I miss the "7 month old" part, then when I see the image I fucking lose it. god fucking dammit

aristocrating

its 2026 i cannot handle any more fucking "author A obviously ripped off author B" discourse by people Who Have Only Seen the work of author B and admit themselves that they have no further knowledge of the literary landscape they are moving in. like.

nudityandnerdery

itreallyatemyhand

dickstolebyanalien

walk up in the club like what up i got a pip plup

i-am-a-fish

please do not look up to me. I am 1 inch tall. I'm down here. if you look up you won't see me

breezey-with-an-e-art

but what if i.....

i-am-a-fish

I REALLY LIKE THIS ART THIS IS SO CUTE I'M BEING HELD UP

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youngerfrankenstein

To put it very bluntly.

You will always make a better impact helping people who need it than trying to hurt people you think deserve it.

jane-vampeyre

tomfoolery at an all time high

internetwesley

we are so fucking back baby

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