i cooka da pizza

[AFTER REVEALING VERY TELLING PERSONAL INFO] But don’t read into that. let’s move along

[AFTER REVEALING VERY TELLING PERSONAL INFO] But don’t read into that. let’s move along

when psy sang ‘ayyyyyy sexy lady!’ in gangnam style… ngl he was real for that!!

call him Mr. Potato Head the way I sucked the pussy off of him and choked on it

Choking hazard for men over 30

clit like a 1-block lego stud im swallowing it whole and if i die i die

fascinated by jeff the killer tbh. everyone in that creepypasta has generic white usamerican names (jeff, keith, barbara, billy, etc.) except for jeff the killer's doe eyed little brother liu. why is he liu. is liu chinese? it's okay if he's chinese. is jeff also chinese? has jeff the killer been chinese this whole time? am I a bad person?

i love writing out numbers and then putting them in parentheses like "one (1)" even when i dont need to i think its funny

People who haven't seen Madoka Magica might not know this, but both the characters Mami and Homura are magical girls who use guns as weapons. But while Mami's gun are magical, Homura's are literally just normal guns she stole from the government.

“never kill yourself” is such a funny phrase to me that i think it’s accidently started working. its like an affrimation. say ‘never kill yourself’ enough times as a joke and maybe you won’t try to kill yourself over minor inconviences anymore

"🥪" is shorthand for "🍞🧀🍅🥬🍞"

can you people stop reblogging this my notes look like lunchtime

has anyone seen my pet bacteriophage its name is styrofoam and its about [hand touching the floor] this tall