intpslushi

*needs to save money for christmas and decides the only thing that they're going to buy durring their shift is a drink for lunch

*3 days later

your stomach and mind ever get into a disagreement about if ur hungry or not?

So, I feel like whenever I enter into any form of a new realtionship, rather that be, romantic or a friendship/ causal aquantance, I can always tell if it is going be productive/ positive for either party involved within the first few conversations with that person and I know that is assuming a shit load with a butt fuck generalralizations in place, but that's not exactly the point of this post

I usually do this by analysing what they say and then trying to determine how they've arrived at their conculsions, by asking an Intp amount of questions (so a butt fuck amount) and then using that as a loose bases of what their thought patterns are/ how they think and function, (a lot of the times I agree with someone on a matter, but entirely very much disagree with why they feel that way and why that's the stance they've taken on the subject, which in my opinion, can sometimes be just as bad as disagreeing entirely, if not worse in some cases, so the reason why, is extremely important) but if you figure that out, you should be able to predict potential areas of future conflict and then from their see if their is enough area left over where u probably won't conflict and then decide if that particular relationship is worth further time investment

But often times I find myself entering into a new realtionship, analyzing it for its worth, and then usually arriving at the conclusion, that it's not, but proceeding anyway, like an idoit, who knows better, but is so lonely and filled with so many ideas and hope for the world/ things they want to do/ share with others, and then just desperately wanting this person to be that for them, but knowing in the back of their mind, that they too are not right for the intps mind, but intp holds out hope anyway, hoping that they were wrong in their initial conclusions

I've said all this to ask if any other Intps do this? I doubt if many do tho, because I wouldn't, if I wasn't surrounded by xSxJ's 24/7 and it is absolutely hell, talk about disagreeing on literally everything, and then when you do agree, it's for entirely different reasons, that I usually disagree with, so many times I have been toren down and my mood killed from it, so I tend to accept any chance at a new relationship thrown my way, even if I know it will burn from the start, at least it is something new to experience in a sense

to me personally, I consider the act of creating new things, having different and original ideas to be the most important thing in the world ( just general creativity/ new things in any manner really rather that be art, like music or paintings, new technology, written stories and shows, new ways of doing something, a new and forward way of thinking/ seeing things in a new way that is for the better, general positive change etc.) and not a lot of people are capable of creating things like this/ have a very hard time with it, and I'm not trying to slam anyone here by any means, we're all very different people and we each have our place and our thing that we excel in, but for me this use to be mine, but it hasn't been for a very long time now, I've been so depressed, extremely depressed for so long and for so many different reasons and I just feel like Ive lost all the creativity that I ever had and that was the thing that kept me going, and that is so hard, because like I said, that's what I view as the most important thing, it just means so much to me because it can be such a positive thing for the world, change is so important, it's what moves us forward as a race and let's us achieve new, greater and better things

but honestly everyday I just want to end it, (my life) but I have no faith, and eternal nothingness sounds kinda dull really, but peaceful, but honestly tho, I think that you'd just be gone and nothing ever again, so why does anything matter at all then, right? Yeah, well that's the base of my depression, so imma just leave that alone, but tbh I just want to make and create and do as much good as I can before I go, and let others enjoy what I've done when I'm gone, but I'm struggling with the creative part like I said, so.... I'm having a rough time finding reason for existence even more so than usual

Also, idek what this blog is anymore, I'm pretty sure the content is changing to more of just my thoughts rather than whatever it was before, but I suppose that's better than not posting at all, right? Idk let me know and msg me your thoughts if u want, or not that's also good too

It is so fucking hard to even get some lame ass "taco stand" job when the first impression you always make on people is your a total bitch/ cunt face, like why? WTF ABOUT SAYING HI COULD I POSSIBLY BE GETTING WRONG???

I've asked a lot of people about their first impressions of me and it's always the same, very negative, so I'm pretty damn sure it's the reason for my lack of employment (the jobs I'm applying for require no special skills/ degrees)

I don't get it, I try so fucking hard to be "normal" (whatever the fuck that is, you boring bitches) and tell you what you want to hear, but still, NO JOB FOR MEEEE

Tbh tho, I'm too good for your bitch asses anyway, I just need a few dollars to start my business, yes you heard me right, A FUCKING BUSINESS, this is what the world has done to me, IM TURNING INTO A FUCKING ENTJ... omg, someone give me a problem to solve, b4 its too late, BESIDES MY OWN THO PLEASE

so I was scrolling through some of my old screenshots on my phone (2,707 and counting) and I found a pic of some really useful information that I'd been looking online forever for now, so from what has apprently become my basic instinct at this point, I got all excited and I took a screenshot of my screenshot without even thinking about it and realizing what I had just done...

Anyone else ever rattle off something completely logically and coherent to someone, and then when you're done, that person be beyond confused and have no idea what you just said to them, and basically act like you just spoke to them in some ancient ass dead language?

like wtf, do I not speak english motherfucker?! what part of that could have possibly confused you?!?

*4:21 am

Me: Oh hey brain, would it alright if I got some sleep now?

Brain: Uhm... well actually I'm a little busy right now, I'm contemplating everything you did today, several new random ideas, some possible outcomes for the future, the reason for existence, what your new career path should be, among a few billion other things right now, so can I get back to you on that?

Me: ....

Me: Uhm, nvm that's alright...

Brain: Yep, welp guess I better get back at it!

ever scroll through your old posts and come across something and be like "da fuck is dis shit? I don't remember writing this even a little bit... did I get hacked?!"

I have 3 Quizzes, 4 Tests and 5 homework assignments all due in 3 days and I'm sitting here playing my ukulele