#waking

I'm feeling a bit less nervous about my teeth, too. But the insecurity is coming back to me a bit more and more as I wake up more, so it's probably still good I'm going to the dentist today. It's probably good I can get it checked out.

My husband has been in the habit of barging into the room and waking me up from a dead sleep for non emergencies.

We currently sleep in separate bedrooms. This started because I couldn’t get good sleep. I tend to go to bed earlier than him, and I kept getting woken up through the night when he would come to bed. I’m a light sleeper, so I brushed things off that would wake me up. But he is also a restless sleeper and him constantly moving would keep me up for hours until he was able to fall asleep. I snore, and he’s expressed that it makes it hard for him to fall asleep as well. When I would have a hard time sleeping, I would just get up and go sleep in the extra bedroom. He would get upset because we weren’t sleeping in the same bed and started telling me he was scared to move in bed because he didn’t want to wake me up. I tried harder to stay in the room, but it got to a point that I couldn’t take it anymore, I was having a hard time functioning during the day. It finally came to a head and we got into an argument that involved him following me to the extra bedroom, yelling at me that I need to make a choice where I’m sleeping and me yelling back that I’m sleeping in there every night from now on.

Fast forward to a night when he was working late. He had a rough day. Earlier in the day something happened with our firestick remotes and one ended up not being synced to the correct tv and didn’t work in the bedroom. At about 1am, he barged into the extra room demanding me to fix it and explain what happened. He forced me to get out of bed to try and fix it. I was so groggy I couldn’t think straight. I finally put it together what had happened, but wasn’t sure how to fix it in the moment. This turned into an argument in the middle of the night, me yelling at him that he simply could have just scrolled through his phone like he always does anyway and wait until morning to figure it out. He got offended that I said all he does is scroll through his phone and cut off any communication. The next morning the remote synced itself and the problem solved itself.

Last night, I got woken up because he was worried he had pink eye. He’s been sick and blowing his nose and coughing a lot. He probably has the flu but is refusing to go to urgent care. He first called me on my phone to ask where the eye drops are. Again, being groggy from just being woken up, I told him where I thought they were. I told him I’m very sleepy and can’t think straight. He hung up on me. Ten minutes later he barged into the room and made me look at his eyes to see if he had pink eye. I said yes they looked pink and watery. He stormed out and I guess went back to bed. As I lay there awake, I realized that his eyes might be pink because of all the strain from nose blowing and coughing. I texted him this and got a thanks kind of answer. Ive also been sick and had a hard time getting back to sleep from coughing. I finally fall asleep at some point and woke up to texts saying how sick he is and that he can’t call out of work because in the past he’s been told that he has to go to work because we can’t afford for him to miss a days pay. An argument ensued, mostly because I’m tired of his combative demeanor whenever he doesn’t feel well. I won’t go into more detail, but it ended with me apologizing for things I’ve said to him and ensured him that he should stay home from work today.

I know that he reacts from stress that he has trouble handling, but am I over reacting by asking him to not wake me up for non-emergencies? I haven’t had this conversation yet because of his mental state with being sick. This is an unacceptable behavior, but does he get a pass due to stress and I just need to let it go?

Reddit consensus: NOT OVERREACTING (NOR) (100% confidence)

Top comment: “NOR.

You live with this man but can’t tell him to stop waking you up for these non-emergencies?

Until you establish some rules about what qualifies as an emergency, get used to this behavior.”

Notable explanation: “No you are not. NOR. This actually strikes me as very concerning behavior. I'm not your standard reddit therapist here to tell you to go scorched earth on your relationship....

But #1 his willingness and seeming need to wake you up at night strikes me as desiring control or power over you. Sleep is a pretty intimate personal thing. To be forcibly waken from it when vulnerable... I don't know. But OP if he's ever shown signs of being controlling or domineering before, seriously step back and look at these patterns and determine if you need to ensure your own safety...

#2 it does seem you guys have deeper issue than this sleep thing. The way you communicate.. and admittedly, I'm biased toward you. Your hub seems to be pretty insufferable about... just being considerate in general. But all the same, you don't seem to converse like two people in a loving, teammate relationship. It could be hard for him to accept you guys might not be sleep compatible and an emotional.topuc provoking this... but if your conversations are anything like this usually, I'd be concerned”

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