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Giant African Land Snails eat bones in order to get calcium for their shells, but are also among God's most innocent of creatures and thus contain no malice. Hope this helps.
Giant African land snails are (as far as I know) the only invasive species in the US that poses risks to all three categories of environmental damage, human health, AND structural damage--because they will eat stucco and plaster in their hunt for calcium.
Of course I don't blame the snails for this, they are just doing their snail thing and it's not their fault we introduced them to a new place where there's lots of delicious native vegetation and building materials to devour. But if bones are not available they WILL eat your house.
listen it's not that I think epic the musical is a perfect adaption of the odyssey but it was an impressive passion project that knew what it wanted to be and knew what people gravitated to in the original work and it put significant effort into conveying this through its unique medium and tone to the point that hundreds of other people felt compelled to put effort into their own artistic interpretations of that version of the story. and that's really cool! and yes I would be more critical if it was a 100 million dollar project made by a professional because what the fuck do you mean you're a world-famous director and you cut the my name is nobody scene are you goddamn serious
Ok so headcanon time I feel like because hobbits like to gossip and get up in each other's business so much, as basically a defense mechanism they've developed a very different and far more intricate system of marriage than other races. Instead of it naturally being a romantic thing, it's basically a public declaration for when you move in together of what your relationship to each other is, so you can live together in peace without rampant speculation. (Hobbits don't really see a point in marriage for your own sake, since you and your partner(s) should know the nature of your relationship without a piece of paper saying it. If you want to throw a party about yourselves that's perfectly acceptable at any point in your relationship, but mostly it's for the sake of the general public.)
They have four main types of marriage and at least twenty subsets (mostly for various poly arrangements), all of which have names in the hobbit language (which I will get to work on at some point). Their word for 'marriage' literally translates to 'one-souled', reflecting their view of marriage vs the rest of Middle Earth automatically assuming a romantic connotation for the word. You can marry your romantic partner, but also your queerplatonic partner or your platonic best friend.
Also just picture a hobbit explaining to Big Folk 'oh yeah, we're married. They're my best friend's romantic partner's best friend's romantic partner's best friend. We're roommates. It's chill.' and just watching their brain implode. And having no idea why.
Because. Also. They have no clue that they're the only ones that do this. Especially the hobbits that live in the Shire and don't interact with outsiders much, certainly not to get into cultural discussions. They just assume that the Big Folk are more private and therefore use an umbrella term since they think what the exact relationship in their marriage is is no one else's business.
Enter: the massive misunderstanding that is the engagement between Bilbo 'has just enough understanding of dwarven culture to follow his dwarves' behavior without really getting it' Baggins and Thorin 'token of motherfucking friendship' Oakenshield.
Thorin survives the battle (obviously), and now free from goldsickness discovers that the only good thing he's done since arriving in Erebor is give his hobbit a proper engagement gift. Probably should have courted him a little first, but he's still wearing the mithril, so Thorin figures it's fine. Bilbo, meanwhile, knows that he's been given an engagement gift, but is a little confused by the manner it was given in. He'd sworn Thorin's feelings for him were romantic, but then he proposed talking about friendship. Which implies they're getting *insert hobbitish word I haven't invented yet for platonic marriages here* married, not *other hobbitish word for romantic marriages* married. And, well, Bilboâs feelings ARE romantic, and he knows he'll regret it and be miserable later, but he loves Thorin enough that he'll marry him any way Thorin wants. (This is not recommended in the Shire, but does happen. Bilbo just never though it would happen to him.)
They go on like this for a bit. Thorin is a bit confused on how much Bilbo's cut back on the physical affection since they got engaged, but assumes it's some hobbit thing- which isn't ENTIRELY incorrect, it's just not at all the kind of hobbit thing that he thinks. This lasts for about a month or so until Bard and Thranduil are getting married (this is not going to devolve into my headcanons for post-restoration Daleish culture. It's not) and Bilbo politely inquires as to the nature of the thing, confusing everyone until Gandalf awkwardly clears his throat and informs Bilbo that non-hobbits only get married one way. This confuses everyone else even more, and Bilbo ends up having to explain a lot of hobbit culture to curious dwarves, elves, and men while Thorin just listens in dawning horror as he remembers how exactly he proposed, until he bursts out with an interruption that he needs to talk to his betrothed and drags Bilbo off for a long overdue talk.
They work everything out and get happily married, and the entire Company teases Thorin about it for the rest of eternity.
Also, the Big Folk of the Fellowship (we will also not delve into my multicultural Fellowship stuff here) definitely all marry each other after the quest is over in one of those complicated hobbit marriages where it's like 'here's my romantic partner and his best friend who's also my best friend and said best friend's romantic partner who's also our best friend', half because they've adopted so much hobbit culture at this point and half to confuse the fuck out of literally everyone else.
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I've been reading Heated Rivalry fics since December and I thought today was a good day to look through my bookmarks and recommend some of the best One-shots I've read in this Fandom.
Below are 16 recommendations to honestly incredible fics, some of them are really popular and you might already know them but we have over 20K fics in this tag (insane) so I think this list might still be useful for someone.
(Some of these might fit in more than one category, but I choose the one that I belive better represented the fic)
â Character study
Compatible by jewelledfoxes
Explicit / 18K / One-shot
Ilyaâs blood has always run hotter than Shane's.
Or: Yay Hollanov free use! Everybody cheered!
(It's about sex but it's also about their relationship and I have read it several times totally recommend it)
The Performer by toxotes
Explicit / 14K / One-shot
Sometimes they're curled up on the bed together afterwards and Shane runs his hands up and down llya's body, rhythmic and smooth, touching just to touch. Ilya stunning in the literal sense of the word: Shane is paralyzed by him, struck dumb. Desire may never be a problem here, but understanding is: Ilya feels distant and incomprehensible to Shane.
A cross-section of Shane Hollander's sex life
(It deals with a lot of complicated feeling about sex and attraction and Shane growing up and accepting himself)
Us until You by chaentics
Mature / 10K / One-shot
you, plural.
or: Svetlana has Ilya, and then she does not.
(Svetlana POV on ilya during the whole hollanov situationship)
My 30-Days of Anon HR Freak Shit by Anonymous
Not a One-shot but a series of One-shots (kinda)
(It's really filthy but has really good writing and there's delightful character studies in most of the fics)
â AUs that explore Shane and Ilya's relationship with a slight twist (might include magic)
don't leave me this way by frenchleaves
Mature / 36K / One-shot
ilya gets hit on the head during the emergency landing in Tampa and thus begins his week-long stint as a ghost. whatever bad thing that can happen, the proceeds to do so. it's definitely not fun for ilya, and definitely not fun for shane either.
(It's a lovely read and the summary explains it pretty well, you should read this)
for the bible tells me so by vividblossom (dirtymudblood)
Explicit / 17K / One-shot
Shane Hollander struggles to reconcile his faith with his undeniable attraction to a man.
Or a case study in Lust.
(Shane featuring Religious Guilt because why not?)
â Time travel (yes it has its own category)
fall in love again and again by Ehlihr (ehlihr)
Mature / 24K / One-shot (kinda)
Chapter 1: Shane wakes up on the same Tuesday over and over again after leaving Rozanov in a rush. Tuesday is his second least favourite day of the week, so he's not really happy about it.
Chapter 2: Ilya notices Shane acts strangely. He just never remembers
(Not a fan of the groundhog day trope but this fic made me reconsider that)
circle back season by Anonymous
Teen / 9K / One-shot
At the cottage, Shane and llya meet eighteen year old Shane Hollander. This is really only a surprise for one of them. Everyone handles it as well as can be expected.
(The time traveler's wife AU basically)
nothing's ever the way that i remember it (i don't want a violent end) by queenofseventeen
Mature / 31K / One-shot
Quietly, in a voice that couldn't disguise his pain, Ilya said, "I already chose you, Hollander." Then so silently that it was barely different from breathing. "Sometimes I wish I hadn't.
(a.k.a llya expresses regret about choosing Shane and Shane gets sent back in time to fix it only in this universe Ilya never came onto him at all.)
(Shane time travels and decides to choose ilya in a different universe)
â Hollanov getting outed in different ways
for richer or poorer by lowkey_existential_despair
Explicit / 14K / One-shot
There was a twitter post. A video. The caption said #pissgate. The video started playing automatically, and Ilya saw the nondescript white tile of the Metros locker room, and then the camera peered around a corner, and there he was. There Shane was. It played just long enough for llya to hear himself-say it-and Shane- piss on me. please-before his phone fell from his nerveless fingers and shattered on the concrete.
(I was put off by the watersport tag for a long time until I finally read it and all I have to say it that it deserves to be read even if you aren't into that)
me and my wild boy, and all of this wild joy by colacatenjoyer
Not rated / 4K / One-shot
All in all, it could have been worse.
It's not like you can measure the full length of Shane's dick, or see the exact moment that llya swallows down the mess of spit and his own cum from Shane's mouth after he sucked the life out of him.
It's just, well, everything else.
(A video gets leaked and they deal with the aftermath)
â Cute and hilarious and kinda weird (in a good way)
a load of lies by badmetaphors
Gen / 5K / One-shot
BREAKING: Local man gets pavlov'd by the KonMari method, more at 11.
(Featuring Centaurs and Ilya's laundry kink)
Baby By Me by Anonymous
Teen / 7K / One-shot
In which a single misunderstanding spirals into becoming the MHL's greatest secret: Shane Hollander is pregnant.
(Exactly as described in the summary, hockey boys are incredibly stupid in this and it's hilarious)
Teenage Dirtbag by Nullevoy
Teen / 5K / One-shot (but it's part of a series)
Clips and photos of llya's teenage years in Russia get leaked
(Teenage ilya is a menace that wears tracksuits everywhere)
Impacto by ilyacruzeirense
Mature / 16K / One-shot
When Canada's hockey star, Shane Hollander, is your twin brother, it's expected that llya Rozanov becomes part of your life; just not in the way that the public may think.
Or, 5 times that Hudson, Shane's twin, notices something more than a rivalry was happening + 1 one time Ilya finds out that Shane has a brother
(Super weird concept but absolutely fantastic fic 100% would recommend)
Dinner Tonight? by FriPie
Explicit / 15K / One-shot
There was nothing standard about Shane and Ilya's relationship, so it really shouldn't have been so surprising that they had their first date over a decade after meeting each other.
It also shouldn't be surprising that it took roughly five minutes before it turned into a competition.
(It's just them having a first date after everything, so it's really cute)
The Centaurs' social media team post one of those "guess the real couple" videos (as a joke, because their captain and alternate captain are very publicly married). There's a series of clips of various players being physically and verbally affectionate with eachother. Then it ends on Shane and Ilya, finishing a one on one drill and then hurling insults at eachother across the ice as they argue about who won. It cuts off as Ilya drops his gloves and starts skating over at top speed.
(It breaks containment and people who know nothing about hockey comment with concerns about a hostile work environment, possible discrimination, crossing boundaries. Shane ends up posting the full video, which ends in him grinning as Ilya pushes him into the boards to kiss him. He captions it "since rookie year". Ilya comments "summer before".)
really hate being an avoidant anxiety haver. worried about things not going correctly? here's a coping mechanism that Instantly makes all your problems Worse bc you simply didnt do anything to fix them! :)
Gonna take this moment to be extremely grateful for the ao3 team behind the scenes, as much as I complain, please take your time, we are forever grateful to you đŤľđŤĄđŤĄđŤĄđŤĄ
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In my defense for being late with this, the HEATED RIVALRY fandom has been putting out not just bangers, but longfic bangers that update regularly, where multiple fantastic authors are still in their feverdream state and I am but a simple reader who is trying desperately to keep up. It's so far beyond being a problem that it's wrapped back around into being the best thing pretty much ever! I still can't believe this fandom that had like 2k fics when I joined will soon have 20,000 fics, what a time to be in a fandom!
This set has a whole bunch of fics that changed my brain chemistry, like that incredible Irina fic or that fic that humanized Alexei for me and now I can't go back or the Bears sort-of-not-really kidnapping Shane because the Voyageurs suck or some absolutely incredible explorations of Ilya's self-harm tendencies or the funniest Kip portrayal I've ever read or Shane being a competitive freak vs being a horny freak for his husband: FIGHT, all of it is absolutely wrecking my id. Nobody save me, I'm exactly where I want to be.
HEATED RIVALRY - NO I WONâT BE CHILL ABOUT THE GAY HOCKEY PLAYERS SHOW:
Sinking While Swimming by CaffeinatedFlumadiddle, ilya/shane & hayden & alexei & svetlana & cast, 28.2k
   âMaybe you don't have to-â âUh-uh. No backtracking now.â Hayden pointed a finger at him. âIf you tell Shane, fantastic. Would love that, quite frankly, but until you do, I want those goddamn pictures, Rozanov. Am I clear?â Ilya wanted to make some quip about Pike trying to get a different kind of picture out of him, but given the circumstances... He just nodded. âGood. My kids tragically love the fuck out of you, so figure this out.â Ilya nodded again. âAlright then.â
Mama's Boy, Mama's Boy by WhimperSoldier, ilya/shane & irina & cast, NSFW, 68.3k
   Shane's first mistake was going to talk to Ilya Rozanov before their game. His second was immediately, stupidly, meeting the eyes of Rozanovâs very much dead mother hovering at his side.
(We Could Be) Something Great by Anonymous, ilya/shane & bears, nsfw, 77k wip
   When Ilya Rozanov goes down on the ice, the Boston Bears are already moving to defend their captain. No one expects Shane Hollander, captain of the Montreal Voyageurs, to be the one who throws the first punch. Or: the Boston Bears figure out Ilya and Shaneâs relationship firstâand decide that instead of letting their captain move to fucking Ottawa, theyâll just kidnap a his boyfriend instead. Shane Hollander would make a better Bear anyway.
tongues a-wagging by Anonymous, ilya/shane & oc & cast, 29k
   Barstool Sports Canada reports that Montreal Metros captain Shane Hollander has started learning Russian from new teammate and Russian rookie Sergei Dovonchezky. Ilya has some thoughts. None of them are particularly kind.
Live Through This (And You Won't Look Back) by Snaptic, ilya/shane & scott/kip & hayden & cliff & j.j. & cast, 49.9k
   Shane rolls onto his side and stares at the faint outline of the window. The darkness presses in, but it doesnât feel as suffocating as usual. Before he can talk himself out of it, he reaches for his phone. The screen lights up the room, too bright. His thumb hovers for a second, then he opens the thread. Shane: I think we should tell Scott.
let me give you innovation (got that good good) by splatticus, ilya/shane & centaurs, NSFW, 9.6k wip
   Ilya can't keep out of the box, so he's not allowed to put it in anymore.
A Sacred Ottawa-Pike Peace Treaty by Mooeyeddie (mooeyeddie), ilya/shane & hayden, 9k
   Forced into ridiculous âbondingâ playdates by their spouses, Ilya and Hayden are adamant about doing it their own way
Grady v. Rozanov by Pickle_Chips, ilya/shane & scott/kip, nsfw, 19.9k
   Kip can't believe no one else can tell how outrageously gay Ilya Rozanov is, but he's not complaining, he's happy to have someone else to talk to at all the hockey functions. Or: Perfect gaydar haver Ilya Rozanov finally gets a taste of his own medicine. A series of looks into Kip and Ilya's friendship, starting after the cottage.
A Dozen Forget-Me-Nots by technicallyverycowboy, ilya/shane & hayden/jackie & hayden/shane, 6.2k
   Hayden coughs up the first petals the night Shane's trade to Ottawa is announced. Hayden doesn't have hanahaki and if he does, it's purely platonic and if it's not, nobody ever has to know. Especially not Shane.
Pull it Off by smugrobotics, shane(/ilya) & oc, 1.2k
   Shane hires a stylist.
shane hollander boy kisser confirmed! by chuyasexual, ilya/shane & hayden/shane & hayden/jackie & centaurs, 16.1k
   In 2021, Shane Hollander reveals his relationship with former rival Ilya Rozanov to the shock of chronically online people worldwide, whoâve spent the last decade convincing the world heâs secretly in love with his teammate Hayden Pike
you're gonna go far, we'll all be here by writinginasnowglobe, ilya/shane & luca & centaurs & ocs, 3k
   Ilya: everyone welcome luca haas new rookie 𫨠Ilya: i gave him all your numbers do not introduce yourself Ilya: i do not need phone buzzing i am busy
One for the Road by PastyPirate, ilya/shane & centaurs, NSFW, 28.4k
   âYou canât go two weeks without fucking me anyways,â Shane heard himself saying, and instantly felt like heâd chosen the wrong dialogue option. He shouldâve said something like Iâd like to see all the ways you can figure it out or maybe not sharing a room has never stopped us before. Ilya let out a laugh, âPlease, you beg for me all the time.â âIâm not the one who canât go more than a day without jerking off ââ shut up Hollander, SHUT UP âI can totally go two weeks without fucking.â
The chips are set to fall by icopythefax, ilya/shane & scott & cast, 17.8k wip
   At the 2017 All Star Weekend, Ilya takes fate into his own hands to produce at least one out MLH player by the end of the season. Thus begins his part-time side hustle as community organizer, mastermind, and Commander-in-Chief of the Gay Hockey Army.
The Condom Cartel by CognitiveMiser, ilya/shane & ocs, 5k
   Team Canada is undefeated, the Olympic Village is buzzing, and Shane Hollander just wants to focus on hockey. Unfortunately, his husband has discovered capitalism. When the Olympic Committee announces a condom shortage across the Village, Shane assumes itâs just another chaotic headline in an already surreal tournament. What he does not expect is to discover that Ilya Rozanov has been quietly selling their unused âcomplimentary health suppliesâ to stressed-out rookies and possibly half the international athletes...for five euros each.
Scotty Didnât Know (but he sure does now) by halfbaked_ziti, ilya(/shane) & scott, 1.8k
   âYou have problem, you bring it to me,â Rozanov growled. âNot him. Me. I am not so easy of a target, not like boring Canadians. And you keep that shit off the ice. Chirping, yes, fine. Not that. Never that. You are older than the game of hockey, should understand difference by now.â Canadians? âWait,â Scott said slowly. âIs this about what I said to Hollander the other day?â
bad bluetooth by goldengalaxies, ilya/shane & hayden & j.j., 1.8k
   âYou have a message from: Lily.â The automated voice read out. Shane almost swerved into the other lane trying to press the mute button on the dashboard.
Our Cup Runneth Over by Ottawacentaursstan, ilya/shane & centaurs, 6.9k
   The rise and fall of a Cool Party Guy (aka the Centaurs win the Stanley Cup and Shane gets uncharacteristically drunk to celebrate)
Wrap It Up by alchemystique, ilya/shane & scott & wyatt & cast, 3.1k
   The Olympic Village runs out of condoms on day three. Luckily for Olympians, Shane Hollander took note of exactly how often this has happened previously.
I can see it, your face is glowin' by joldiego, shane(/ilya) & hayden(/jackie), 4k
   Shane is stooped over to strap on his shin guards when his phone buzzes once in Haydenâs hand. He doesnât mean to tap the notification. And oh god, does he wish he could un-tap the fucking notification. Because why the fuck has Lily, Shaneâs mysterious Boston hook-up of several years (no matter how fervently he denies it), sent him a picture of a fucking sonogram. Black and white, blurry, and undeniably baby-shaped.
MORE RECS UNDER THE CUT because I have some fucking manners. Sometimes.
No Angry Kitten by AkirasStories, ilya/shane, 2.1k
   ilya sends shane yet another picture of an angry kitten. (a texting & social media fic)
oh my god you should see your faces by writinginasnowglobe, ilya/shane & hayden & scott & centaurs, 13.2k wip
   A few months after the FanMail incident, Yuna Hollander decides to do what she does best. With the added benefit of having another son to lovingly manage, of course. The internet, unsurprisingly, loses its shit. Or, Shane and Ilya go on the press run to end all press runs, courtesy of Yuna Hollander.
Gotta catch 'em all. by mnamosyna, ilya(/shane) & cliff & oc, 1.8k
   CLIFF: I think my rookie may be one of yours. ILYA: Russian? CLIFF: No, dumbass. Gay. Marlow accidently helps Ilya add to his collection of hockey queers.
Statement for Immediate Release by katie_606, ilya/shane & hayden & farah & yuna & harris, ~1k
   Shane feels it necessary to release a subsequent statement following too many people questioning his on ice integrity against Ilya. But he does it on Instagram where the comments go a little wild, thanks mostly to Ilya.
shane hollander's guide to bottom prep by bisexualbuckley, ilya/shane, NSFW, 13k
   Ilya shrugs and runs his hand from Shaneâs waist down to his ass and back up. âBut you are so good at it. What is English saying? Having it with science?â âHaving it down to a science.â
I saw your face and you blew my mind by juniperjensen, ilya/shane, 1.8k
   It's that one Reddit post where the guy wakes up from surgery and doesn't remember his wife. But make it Hollanov. That's it.
The Heat by dntat, ilya/shane, NSFW, omegaverse, 6.2k
   The flight home seemed to take forever. So did the drive, even as he broke every speed limit. His hand was shaking when he tried to get the key in the door. Once, twice, he missed. Then it was flung open. Shane was standing there. He was dressed only in the smallest pair of briefs, the black fabric stretched over the curve of his muscular thighs and ass. A fine sheen of sweat covered his skin and his chest was heaving with shallow, panting breaths. His eyes were hazy and dark. He smelled like sweat and sweetness and Shane. Like everything Ilya had ever wanted since he was just a boy of seventeen. Or: Shane's suppressants are failing.
English Lessons with Ilya by taliiaa, ilya/shane & luca, 1.1k
   Luca: if we are holding our horses that means we want to go outside? Luca: take a break and go see animals? Ilya: yes Ilya: exactly
Lily & Jane Take Over Twitter by winter1477, ilya/shane & centaurs, nsfw, 4.6k
   The hockey twitter world explodes when a new Shane fan account under the name "Lily" pops up. And all she tweets about is how bad she wants to fuck Shane Hollander.
MINE MINE MINE by Anonymous, ilya/shane & david/yuna, 3.6k
   âSo,â Yuna says, as she polishes off her third glass of cabernet. âWhen are you boys going to get started on kids?â Shane chokes on his tiramisu. - Or: Maybe Shane doesnât want kids.
20 Questions & Mutual Destruction in Elevator 2T by fringe_problems, ilya(/shane) & scott(/kip), 3.6k
   Ilya takes out his phone and swipes to Jane and types quickly, eyes on Hunter: I am trapped in elevator. With Scott Hunter. I am coming soon as I can. Shane responds immediately: Please donât kill Scott Hunter
Shane Hollander, Man Who Would Eat Hockey If He Could by elumish, ilya/shane & scott & centaurs, 2k
   [Scott Hunter]: thanks [Shane]: I meant it. [Scott Hunter]: I know [Shane]: Please donât have sex in the locker room. [Scott Hunter]: lol (or: four moments throughout the years, as seen through the eyes of the camera)
Vibrate by NotEvenCloseToStraight, ilya/shane, NSFW, 6.6k
   One day, Shane will learn not to take the âyou are scared.â bait from Ilya. Today is not that day.
Snowed In by Evilharlowe, ilya/shane, 4.5k
   Shane and Ilya sneak away to a cottage for a rare weekend together. Then the snow starts falling, and it doesn't stop.
Scott Hunter Night by that1friendguy, ilya(/shane) & scott(/kip), 1.9k
   Ilya Rozanov was perhaps the last person Scott expected to show up at his impromptu Hunter Night. After post season awards. In a gay bar. Which could mean nothing.
Did he just� by anarchyat4am, ilya(/shane) & scott(/kip), 1.2k
   Rozanov flinches when a loud laugh breaks the white noise from the party inside, and Scott realises that Rozanovâs been doing the same thing he has all these years: cataloguing who is or isnât safe, watching, noticing, waiting.
meat ugly by thathastu, ilya/shane, 1.7k
   When Ilya agreed to let Shane adopt a cat to join their family, he did not expect Shane to fall in love with a hairless cat named Pork, the fattest, meanest, and ugliest creature that the shelter had to offer. And he certainly didn't expect for Pork to be his sworn nemesis.
Peeled Rotisserie Chicken by Nimming, ilya/shane, nsfw, 1.4k
   Moving back to the cottage meant relaxing and spending every second with his husband. Instead, he's having to fight for attention. Insert a two step plan for Ilya to steal back his husband's affection.
finsta by Marmeladeskies, ilya/shane & centaurs, nsfw, 1.7k
   LaPointe tries to catch him, but Holmberg leaps from his chair, holding his phone high and reading the post out loud so everyone can hear. â-following her from his main professional account. The transgender creator specializes in-â All heads whip around. Shane quickly grabs the laptop because Ilya is already on his feet, reaching for LaPointe who, Shane thinks, is seconds away from punching Holmberg to stop him from reading more.
Hacked by Masterless, ilya/shane & david/yuna, 2.1k
   Heated Rivalry AU where the relationship reveal happens because David Hollander's phone gets hacked and approximately 5,000 pictures and videos of Shane and Ilya being cute (both together and individually) get dumped onto the internet.
10,000 Condoms for Russia's Greatest Love Machine by Lexi_Leckstar, ilya/shane & oc, nsfw, 2.2k
   Or: At the 2026 Winter Olympics, Ilya doesn't get paired to room with Shane because of the Coach's stupid 'no-sex rule'
like the back of my hand by xianvar, ilya/shane & hayden, 1.3k
   Hayden is the person who knows Shane best. Even if he sometimes feels like he doesnât know him at all. Surely, that fear wonât be proven right after Shaneâs concussion⌠right?
the tape measure incident by 17darwinism, ilya/shane & centaurs, 1.3k
   Harris does the tape measure TikTok trend on the Centaurs, and he learns more than he ever wanted to know. But at least the internet seems to love it.
Letâs stay professional by jumpsuit_en (jumpsuit), ilya/shane & centaurs, 2.8k
   Calling your own spouse a coward in public takes nerve. Goading a three-time Stanley Cup champion takes another kind. Ilya Rozanov is the only player capable of unlocking both achievements in one breath. Or: Shaneâs first day on the Ottawa Centaurs, and Ilya supporting him in his unique way.
Washed Up, Irrelevant by lavery, ilya/shane & centaurs, 1.3k
   âThe third player.â Shane clarified, âIn the big three of active players? I mean itâs me and Ilya, right?â Amelia nodded mutely whilst Luca Haas, who had been asked the question, stared at Shane with wide eyes. âSo, whoâs the third?â Shaneâs face took on a contemplative look. âScott Hunter?â Amelia said with confusion. âHunter?â Shane looked surprised. âWhy?â Across the room Roz let out a bark of laughter.
the pda police by goldengalaxies, ilya/shane & centaurs, 1.6k
   Roz We are good looking and married and in love, is normal to be sexually active Hazy Iâm sorry but no. Thereâs sexually active and thereâs YOU TWO Shane @Hazy Iâm confused. We only have sex everyday? Shane Thatâs not that much, is it? Dykstra I canât tell if youâre joking or not???? Shane How often is normal? Roz Shut up Roz Everyone is banned from speaking Roz No more talking
You have all these people just freaking out about the safety of sex hormones being used for the same purpose they have been for decades, meanwhile the same people who didn't even know what GLP-1 was until a few years ago are now eager to get on these medications and nobody cares about possible long-term effects or regret.
one of the big chewy Shane Hollander things to me is that heâs a gay Asian in an overwhelmingly white and heterosexual sport, but that reality coexists with the fact that almost every single aspect of his physical life and body have been commercialized and analyzed and traded and put on display since he was a literal child. He has undoubtedly got so much pressure to conform to a hypothetical hockey standard and to repress his diaspora Japanese and gay identities! This is very true! But where it kind of looses steam in both canon and fanon stuff for me is where thereâs less focus on his relationship with Ilya and his sex life and their romance basically being the only part of himself yet thatâs not been packaged and sold and commodified into a brand deal. It is about the only thing he has which can be private: his and Ilyaâs alone. His mother markets his ethnicity for brand collabs and to get him to wear the right kind of tennis shoes for the deal. His super private vacation house is still something film cameras come in to and rearrange his relaxing yoga sessions for what looks good on tv. Rose is about the first friend he really makes who isnât a coworker and their relationship is headline Twitter feed news. Heâs been stripped to his underwear for ads he clearly feels uncomfortable. Coming out is different for everyone and thereâs always going to be so much behind it, but howâs it gonna be when the guy who has been scrutinized in the public eye since he was eighteen looses, even to the most well meaning and supportive people, the only thing heâs ever really chosen thatâs ever been privately for him?
This is indicated perfectly by Yunaâs almost immediate pivot back to business in the coming out scene.
Shane doesnât want to be a gay role model or a gay brand ambassador, he just wants to play hockey, and live a life with his boyfriend. This is yet another thing that heâs holding onto so tenuously and thatâs one of the reasons he doesnât want to come out.
As soon as he does, itâs not his anymore. Nothing truly belongs to him.
ilya getting cancelled on twitter for homophobia when a reporter asks him why he moved to ottawa and he deadpans âto be closer to my gay lover shane hollanderâ
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playing their first game after they come out and thereâs a kiss cam that of course points at them and shaneâs like oh no donât do this to međ and ilya is like đđđđđ
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