hollanov

like yes, he's freed from his family, but this is still subconsciously his paradigm for love.

Shaneberry and Ilyamon

u gotta speak up shaney

bonus crybaby

1410

Ilya: what. what is wrong with it

Shane: do I really have to explain that to you

what Ilya’s wearing:

ive been wanting to draw this post since i saw it! bonus (based on tags):

“Lily can’t get pregnant!” Shane shouts at him, throwing his towel against his locker. The wet sound snapped everyone’s eyes at him.

Their captian never yelled. Never.

Hayden had been ribbing him all practice in his usually, puppy like ignorant way, where he couldn’t, or perhaps wouldn’t, see how his words tore Shane apart.

Shane snapped.

“How many times have I told you that Lily and I are casual. Friends. Not everyone wants to get married and have five kids before 30,” Shane grumbled as he picked up his towel. Not everyone can, he thought selfishly.

Hayden stood completely still, like a prey animal who knew it had been spotted. “I was just — ”

“I know you were just, you always just. No matter how many times I tell you to drop it, to stop setting me up with Jackie’s friends, to stop asking when I’m having kids, you just can’t stop.” Shane closed his eyes and leaned his forehead against the cool locker door. He forced himself to breathe in and out. Focus.

“Lily and I are not in a relationship. We’re both very focused on our careers right now, and franky I don’t want kids while I’m only 24. Neither does Lily. And even if we might one day want to have kids, we can’t…” Shane hated lying, he hated saying Lily instead of Ilya. He hated that he had to conceal his love from his best friend.

For all that they were brothers, Hayden had a tendency to irritate him with his childlike, happy- go-lucky personality. He didn’t know what it was like; He drafted 17th overall, he was white, a decent player with a decent family background, a beautiful wife who was happy to forgo her education to raise their kids.

Hayden wasn’t half asian. He wasn’t an immigrant. He was the poster card hockey player; the white man, with a white wife and their four (beautiful and amazing) kids, who advertisers would never second guess publicly endorsing.

Hayden and Jackie was everything Shane and Ilya could never be. And at times Shane hated them a little for it.

“Even if we might one day want to, it wouldn’t matter. Lily is only in America on a work visa, and as she can’t get pregnant naturally we would have to look into adoption or surrogacy, something that’s practically impossible for us right now with our jobs. And her family isn’t…too happy about me.”

“Her family’s racist?” Comeau piped up from his seat. “And why would her workplace care who she’s dating?”

“Jesus christ, man. Racism is a thing. Xenophobia is a thing. I’m half asian and she’s an immigrant. If the wrong person hears about our relationship and decides to be a little bitch about it, her employment could be cut and she’d have to go back to…a very shitty place.”

“But that’s illegal,” JJ mumbled to himself but looked down as soon as Shane set his eyes on him. JJ knew personally that just because something is illegal doesn’t mean it can’t or won’t happen.

They’d both been on the receiving end of racist remarks by coaches and players without any support from the higher ups. It was a known ‘don’t speak about it’ issue at the Montreal enterprise.

“Yeah, but it’s also reality.”

Forcing his breath to stay even, Shane threw a hoodie over his head and tried to picture Ilyas beautiful smile. He had to protect him above all. Protect them. Opening his eyes he noticed that all his friends had theirs set on him.

The whole team knew about Boston Lily. They knew he was quiet about her, that she was the only girl he’d been with for years, and that it might be serious. She had become somewhat of an urban legend amongst them. No one knew anything, and it had to stay that way.

“It’s safer for us, for our future even, if we keep it under wraps for now.” Shane turned to look at Hayden, who to his credit looked heartbroken and slightly ashamed. Shane hated that it filled him with a sense of satisfaction.

“If we one day decide to make a go for it, she’d have to apply for a permanent residency in America or Canadian citizenship, which will take years. If we want kids that’s a whole other issue. A whole other five to seven years of background checks, biological testing, etc.”

It was clear from the way Hayden sunk into himself that he had never even considered this possibility. That he and Shane lived in two very different worlds.

“I probably won’t be a father until i’m near 40, and even then, I plan on playing for as long as possible. Lily too, wants to focus on her career. Your kids would finish high school by the time any of ours are even born. That’s if we’re lucky enough to have them, which isn’t a guarantee.”

A soft ‘fucking hell man’ was heard from the back of the room, but he couldn’t pick out who it was. It didn’t matter though, as all the guys looked at him with pity. Shane fucking hated pity. As did Ilya.

“Right now we’re both happy with our arrangement because that’s all we can be.” Shane pretended no one could hear how his voice wavered. He forced himself to sound harsh as he put his foot down.

“So just, back off. Stop asking about Lily. Stop setting me up on surprise blind dates and asking when I’m having kids. It’s not gonna happen for us, I mean me, for at least another ten to fifteen years so. Just. Back off.”

With a loud slam of his locker, Shane marched out of the room, head down, hands clenched tight in his pockets.

Tomorrow would be better.

Tomorrow he would show up and be the captain the team deserved.

(He’d most likely get a talking to from Theriault for exploding like this, and he’d apologise like the good boy he is, and he’d leave all his personal problems at home, and focus only on hockey.)

But first, he needed to go home and cry in the shower.

Ten to fifteen years.

Ten to fifteen years before he could live a full life with Ilya.

But it would be worth it.

Hockey was worth it.

Suddenly, Ilya erupts into childish giggles, before nudging Shane and holding out his phone.

‘Hey Shane, look,’ the giggles persist, ‘is you when you are angry.’

and this is what he sees.