take Ilya's dick out of your mouth before you talk

I think it would be really funny if instead of thinking their son is some sexless shy virgin, the Hollanders think their son exclusively hooks up with puck bunnies and the reason he never brought someone home is because he's kinda a fuckboy slut. Like both Yuna and David are familiar with hockey culture and they're just glad that Shane isn't making headlines with his hook ups, or getting some girl pregnant, or even worse getting married and then cheating on his wife. He keeps his sex life private and so they don't have to talk about it. This assumption is all but confirmed for them when they start suspecting he is gay because of how straight people always assume gay men are promiscuous. Yuna is even prouder cause he's keeping his wild gay sex life so down low there's not even rumors. Her perfect media darling boy!

I think after Ilya and Shane leave on Pasta Night Yuna and David have to have a very serious conversation in which David says. Yuna. Love of my life. you cannot congratulate our son on successfully remaining closeted. you cannot tell him that you’re proud no one figured out hes gay. Do You Realize How Insane You’re Being.

the best thing about shane hollander is that hes literally cool. here's this guy who is fuckoff good at hockey like once in a generation talent (twice though because ilya is there <3) and he doesnt really drink he definitely doesnt party hes pretty soft spoken and keeps to himself (but they made him captain anyway. hes just that good) and is usually pretty stoic from an outside perspective and he can rattle off hockey facts and stats like hes got every wikipedia page memorized. AND hes fucking gorgeous. if he wasnt being tortured by being gay and having undiagnosed ocd and autism this shit would be nothing to him man

Post-outing alot of past Ilya lovers come out the woodwork to gossip about him in different magazines (ilya rozanov has bear kink? 2013 hookup spills the deets) and it becomes a thing involving lawyers and cease & desists & ilya isnt freaking out because he’s afraid of gossip but by how Shane is dealing with the rumors so he gently bring it up one morning like “we’re gonna talk about our feelings, please don’t be hiding your hurt from me.” And shane shrugs and sips his morning smoothie and says “i can’t be that mad at them: if i only fucked you once and could never again i think id be acting crazy too.” He won’t ever admit he feels like a kid taunting another with a toy like “hahaha i have the best Russian lover hockey boy toy & you’ll NEVER get to play with him again! He’s mine!”

The most turned on Shane has ever been in a club was when Ilya dragged him out in Boston for old times’ sake with some of the Bears & a girl came up to Ilya talking about what a great night they had together and clearly angling for a repeat and Ilya kind of bemusedly is like sorry I don’t remember that at all and then Shane drags him to the bathrooms and sucks his dick with the stall door not even fully closed

R.I.P. Ilya, you would have loved Doja Cat if you were written by someone with good taste in music.

Also bbno$.

Post-outing alot of past Ilya lovers come out the woodwork to gossip about him in different magazines (ilya rozanov has bear kink? 2013 hookup spills the deets) and it becomes a thing involving lawyers and cease & desists & ilya isnt freaking out because he’s afraid of gossip but by how Shane is dealing with the rumors so he gently bring it up one morning like “we’re gonna talk about our feelings, please don’t be hiding your hurt from me.” And shane shrugs and sips his morning smoothie and says “i can’t be that mad at them: if i only fucked you once and could never again i think id be acting crazy too.” He won’t ever admit he feels like a kid taunting another with a toy like “hahaha i have the best Russian lover hockey boy toy & you’ll NEVER get to play with him again! He’s mine!”

and while im on the bathroom scene ilya was trying to be cruel to protect himself from intimacy + ruin shanes ability to have expectations of him AND IT DOESNT WORK!!!!!!!!! FOR EITHER OF THEM!!!! shane is literally looking at him like he hung the stars like ilya just showed him that he still wants him + still likes him + shane is treating it like theyve shared something sacred and ilya realizes hes literally Right. He isnt crafting that kind of cruelty for anyone else . he isnt pushing anyone else like that . Having shane value that part of him turns it into DEEEEEEP intimacy for Both of them

and hes trying to punish shane by giving him mean mean instructions but hes also soaking up shanes relief and giving him explicit orders <- something hes done purposefully over and over To Calm Shane Down . Which he enjoys partially because HE gets to be the one calming shane down!!! like hes fooling himself!! hes trying to congratulate himself on holding back from letting shane see him but he is doing all his favorite stuff to shane and soaking in all of shanes beautiful reactions + shane is seeing him the whole time

It’s not senseless violence to me, not if it’s you

I can’t go seventeen seconds without opening the tumblr app to look at Ilya Rozanov and you’re telling me Shane successfully eluded him for two entire years??

i saw this somewhere else but reply / tag what you did today so everyone can see that we all did something different today