take Ilya's dick out of your mouth before you talk

ilya learns the word queerbaiting on twt and accuses shane of it every time he won't kiss/cuddle/be gross w him. and he knows shane will never say it back bc he's too scared to say the word queer

I do have an odd soft spot for what I have dubbed the "Bad Gays" in queer romance novels. Ryan's movie star ex Adrian who cheated on him should kiss Sasha Ilya's coach's son. I wanna watch them callously disregard other people's feelings together

tbh i think shane plays at least half his games hard anyway. just from the adrenaline and being the best. and when he scored a hat trick that secured their place in the playoffs for the first time? came in his nut cup

one must imagine shane in a bathroom stall in the metros locker room right before a game against boston, headphones in watching the video ilya just sent of himself jerking off in the bathroom in the guest locker room along with a message that just says good luck tonight :)

haha so cute the centaurs have a video of ilya and shane — let me stop you there. shane would never. he would never! he has an airtight agreement with the marketing and comms team that anything posted of him is strictly professional. he knows every comment on social media will be about him and ilya already, and he will NOT be encouraging it. he is a hockey player. my shane would rather die than discuss his married life on instagram on the official centaurs account. or any platform. are the other centaurs doing this?? the other hockey teams??? no. he is an athlete not a reality star.

you know that post about characters that try to solve every narrative challenge with a self-sacrificing suicide. well what's great about ilya is that he's not even in a genre where that's a reasonable solution. like it makes sense in buffy. it does not make sense in hockey games. but does he let that stop him?? no he has the CONVICTION of his beliefs. ilya captain voice alright boys listen up i know we're down by 2 but we can still win this cup. if i disembowel myself on the ice-- (the entire team groans in unison)

In my beautiful mind after they are outed and married shane is always complaining that he has no phone storage space like he’ll say “hold on I gotta delete DoorDash” why? “My camera won’t open if I don’t free up some space” and Ilya finally is like moya lyubov this is a solvable problem. And he takes Shane’s phone to check the storage and his photos app is taking up 90% of the space on his phone and Ilya is like okay just delete some pictures. Easy. And Shane’s like ?? No I need them. “Can’t you save them somewhere else?” I mean, Yes, they’re already saved but I want easy access to them. “What do you need easy access to look at all the time.” Don’t worry about it “Shane.” Don’t worry about it!!!!! And that’s how Ilya finds out Shane’s “husband ❤️” folder is 25k pictures deep

there’s a really beautiful AU that exists in my head where shane is some sort of faceless technically-focused reviewer on youtube (like the lockpicking lawyer) and ilya is a dedicated viewer leaving increasingly horny comments about his hands and like, sending him expensive locks to pick on camera

Shane and Ilya are both princes to me. As in having a fantasy prince archetype. I like a prince as a character archetype— often beautiful, intelligent men in their prime. They are experts in a craft (swordplay, playing an instrument, languages, etc- in this case, it's hockey) and have the weight of expectation on them. They have so much to gain, so much to prove, yet they themselves have very little power to have what they truly desire. They are punished for ambition but they are expected to be ambitious. Princes in stories often serve a purpose of punishing hubris or pride. Princes are set to inherit everything, but their place of favor is fragile. They are beloved by people around them, but no one can truly know them. No on can know their fears, because no one else is in their shoes. Except of course, another prince.