take Ilya's dick out of your mouth before you talk

sorry i cant stop thinking about it

So does the Ilya haunting Shane au end up with him turning into a real boy one day

“shane can’t acknowledge his identity as a gay man outside of his hookups with Ilya, maybe not even while he’s in them actively engaging in homosexual intimacy. what’s really intriguing is that hockey’s just the vehicle for their foreplay. it’s a socially acceptable path for men to engage in intricate rituals of physical touch and domination. Marilyn Frye wrote in The Politics of Reality: Essays in Feminist Theory that ‘All or almost all of that which pertains to love, most straight men reserve exclusively for other men. The people whom they admire, respect, adore, revere, honor, whom they imitate, idolize, and form profound attachments to, whom they are willing to teach and from whom they are willing to learn, and whose respect, admiration, recognition, honor, reverence and love they desire... those are, overwhelmingly, other men.’ So in Shane’s mind, he’s avoiding the cognitive dissonance of his internalized shame by masquerading his desire for Ilya as another form of competitive play between two men, something that’s become so normalized and frankly even desirable for him as a career athlete”

Shane calls Ilya on the verge of tears one morning, telling him he came in his sleep. It's all "I'm sorry," and "I didn't mean to," and "I know that's no excuse." And that's how Ilya finds out that Shane has been living with self-imposed orgasm denial ever since they became boyfriends because Ilya always tells him when he can cum when they're together so, in Shane's mind, that means he can't cum if Ilya hasn't told him to.

AU where Shane and Ilya don't hook up or have a decades-long secret. They don't really know each other at all, except to play each other.