take Ilya's dick out of your mouth before you talk

shane: hey :) play better next time best buddy :)

Ep. 4 deleted scene 😌

Right after moving together and getting married they get to know each other in a completely different light, as they have to share an everyday routine. And sure, sometimes they butt heads, they can get annoyed, but most importantly there is this curiosity. The curiosity to learn more and more about the one person they love most in the world, to understand each other's quirks and habits.

Over ten years they build a relationship, showed each other secrets they have never shown anyone else before. And still, due to their impossible situation, there is so much they missed during this time, there are so many little tidbits to discovers, so many stories to tell. There are so much ordinary, mundane things they still have learn about each other, and Shane and Ilya happily go on the journey to discover them all, because it is about each other, their literal favourite person ever. How could anything about Shane or Ilya ever be boring to each other?

And even if they run out of stories to tell about the years they spend seperated, they are the kind of people who never get tired of listening to each other, rambling about whatever random thing crosses their minds. Ilya telling Shane for thirty minutes about a nonsensical dream he had? Be sure Shane will have follow up questions. Shane talking about one of his hockey books? Ilya will listening as if he found religion and Shane was the preacher. Ilya giving an in-depth report about his trip to the grocery store that is almost as long as the trip itself? Shane is locked the fuck in. Shane maundering, completely unstructured and unfiltered, about his favourite birds and this special hike he would like to do one day and then ranting about the newest gossip in the birdwatching community? Ilya is charmed that Shane unmasks in his presence, talking freely without a care in the world, and Ilya makes sure they do this hike next summer. Ilya will animatedly replay the game they just played on their PlayStation and Shane will give commentary like it was a real hockey game.

They could be at a Centaur bbq and some guys talk about their cars and Shane would completely ignore that and talk shop with Troy instead, but as soon as Ilya gives his two cents on the new BMW, Shane's head would snap around to Ilya and he would hang on every word he says.

Shane could give the rookies his mandatory hockey pep talks and Ilya would listen to Shane with the biggest heart eyes and nodding along, as if Shane wouldn't give the same lectures every year.

Like she comes to a game on a rare evening off and everybody in the family seating area has to mention how long it’s been since they saw her

& they’re just double checking - does she want in on the playoff jackets - she didn’t make it to any of the first round games last year so they just wanted to check

Clean Sweep by @theburialofstrawberries | 29K | Shane’s brain cycled rapidly through a half-dozen celebrities, porn actors, Grindr profiles, every attractive bartender who’d ever served him a beer, trying to find a comparison for this level of outrageously concentrated beauty in one person, but he was drawing a blank. The man—Ilya Rozanov, Facilities Attendant, his badge read—gestured around the supply closet. “I help you find something?”| I'm pretty sure everyone and their mother has already read this, because it spread like wildfire through my circle...if you have been living under a rock, somehow, this is  a canon-divergent AU set during the 2017-18 MLH season. Shane is Shane and Ilya is a janitor. This is totally going to be a classic in the fandom! So, SO good. Amazing characterisation and I love how the author remixed the main beats of canon and all the slight and big changes in this AU really work.

Don't stop believing (hold on to that feeling) | 33K | A series of vignettes following Shane's relationship with music through the medium of karaoke, set along the timeline of his relationship with Ilya.| I urge you to give this fic a chance, because going on the summary alone I honestly was very sceptical. And I shouldn't have been! I would have never imagined a story about Shane Hollander and bloody karaoke could be this good.

white collar crimes | 21K | So Shane Hollander is, how do you say in English, a dirty little thief. A clothing thief, to be precise. Ilya can't say he saw that coming, but he also can't pretend he's all that mad about it. His shirt looks good on his Shane. On Shane. On Hollander. Right. His shirt looks good on Hollander.|  Set during the situationship. Great characterisation and banter and feelings. Second chapter is my fave but it's all very good.

No Friction, Just Chemistry | 20K | After leaving behind his last job, Ilya threw himself into a new profession: making and selling all things one can pickle. His week revolved around the Sunday farmer's market. Everything seemed simple and predictable until a new vendor arrived late in the season.| I normally don't do full AUs but Vee is a genius and I'd trust them to hell and back. This was the perfect rom-com version of Hollanov. Cute, fun and in-character. It also comes as a podfic, read by the author, and that's always a big plus for me. 

so you must like me for me by @alasse9 | 36.2K | It turns out, having the worst thing you can think of happen to you when you're seventeen years old can end up being pretty liberating. And land you an unexpected best friend.| Shane is outed before the draft, goes seventh and ends up in Ottawa. Best friends to lovers, a trope I really like that somehow works really well for Hollanov. Sweet and earnest.

(Oh I believe in) Yesterday | 9.4K | Time loops are just a fact of life to Wyatt, insane as that sounds. He’ll happily settle in for a repeat day every couple of weeks. Chances are he’ll wake up tomorrow morning and go to regularly scheduled practice. A teammate probably pissed off their wife, which is an easily fixed problem. Or, the Wyatt-Hayes-centric-time-loop-Boxing-Day-fight-fix-it-fic| A super a fun and original take on the time loop trope! Love Wyatt as our POV character, he's so well-written and his relationship with Lisa is just lovely.

All Love Must Leave but Search For It I Will | 23K | A shoulder injury takes Ilya out for the season ten games into his second year with the Ottawa Centaurs. With one good arm and an empty house, Ilya battles with memories of his parents and his mental health.| Good depiction of depression (I have a thing for stories that explore Ilya's mental health). Great characterisation.

babies born in the month of may by @bitterbloodyorange | 5K | Yuna Hollander and the Art of Raising a Winner Without Giving Him (or Yourself) Too Much of a Complex About It; Ilya Rozanov's Incomprehensive Guide to Charming Your Stoned Boyfriend| Really lovely Yuna character exploration.

multitasking by @emotional-synth-music| 7.3K | *I am in hell, Ilya thinks. He's awkwardly hard in his cup and layers of gear. He can't focus. How the fuck is Hollander functioning like this? Is he actually so gifted at hockey that he can play at this level and still have space to let the sex demon in his brain run rampant? Is this what he's like all the time? *|Crack treated seriously. Ilya can suddenly hear Shane's thoughts. Hot and so lovely.

when you leave here by @iddayidnight | 8K | “It just feels like such a nothing story," Shane says. "But my mom’s so fucking... worked up about it.”  Ilya watches him. “I think,” he says carefully, “that your mom is also the parent of a teenage boy who played on that hockey team. And not just the manager of a person who is being asked for comment on a bad story. Yes?”  (Shane was fifteen years old when he moved to Sarnia.)| Extremely painful to read but extremely good fic about hockey culture. Inspired by We Breed Lions (which I discovered and read thanks to this fandom, obvs). Amazing characterisation.

Pencil in the Rest | 87K | Scent patches were mandatory for anyone participating in World Junior's, but a lot of the Russian guys Shane saw in the hotel or around the rink had them loosely attached to their necks or not quite centered over their scent gland. Shane had been on his way to his parents' car when the wind shifted, and he smelled that Rozanov, leaning against the wall and not-at-all-surreptitiously fishing a carton of cigarettes out of his pocket, must have been one of them.| Omegaverse with fully realised world-building and great characterisation. Excellent use of the soulmate trope. Unputdownable.And I say it as someone who's usually meh on both these tropes.

winning streak by @citrusses | 9.1K  | Everyone hates All-Stars. If anyone asks, Shane does, too.| Perfect, perfect Shane characterisation. Ilya is amazing too, but we are in Shane's head here. What All Stars means for our unhinged duo during the situationship era.

Shane As It Ever Was by @@exactphoify | 7.1K | Ilya wakes with no memory after an eventful night. Or maybe it wasn’t eventful. He doesn’t remember, that’s the problem.|Time travel fic. Short and sweet. And hot. Lovely.

oh well, I guess we're gonna find out! by @angel-deux-writes | 95K | Shane leaves that Vegas penthouse suite feeling wretched, and like an idiot, and like he never wants to see Ilya Rozanov again. Except, well. Then there are zombies.|Again, this took fandom over by storm for a reason, but if you haven't read it yet, my bookmark reads "OMG. Zombie apocalypse AU. Fucking perfect."

here we are and what the hell are we going to do with it | 24K | “Shane.” Ilya takes Shane’s head in his hands, squeezes his cheeks so that Shane looks puffy, absurd. Beloved. “I am saying that to me, even though you are retired, you will always be No. 1 hockey player. Fuck Wayne Gretzky.” That’s what does it, as Ilya knew it would. Shane rears back, spluttering, outraged, trying not to laugh. “Oh, I have committed blasphemy now. They will take back my citizenship, big crime, very sad.” Shane smoothes his hands along Ilya’s calves, rests his fingertips on Ilya’s ankles. “Fuck Wayne Gretzky,” he says. He looks like he can’t believe what he’s saying. Ilya wonders, distantly, if he can get it on tape to play back to himself when things feel particularly bleak. “We can live in exile together. I don’t care. You’re my, my best, my second best hockey player forever too.”| Probably the best 'Shane has to retire and comes to term with it all' fic out there. Excellent characterisation all around, I love that this was plenty angsty without being over the top.

Dance Yrself Clean | 3.3K  | Two summers, nine years apart, and the changes they bring| Really good Ilya character study.

clouds in my coffee | 7.4K | A scandal breaks. Rose drives to Ottawa, to be not-alone.| A fic in which Rose gets some of the care and comfort she deserves.

When I Walk Into The Room, I Do Not Light It Up. Fuck. | 12.2K  | Transitions are hard for Shane. Joining his husband's team turns out not to be an exception to that rule.| Shane struggles to adapt to Ottawa. Amazing Shane POV. Lots of hockey, which makes it all much more grounded and interesting.

@scunthotter

It's fun to imagine the degree of poor communication required for this AU to work. Like, Shane and Ilya aren't great at talking in any universe, but at least in canon we can (sort of) give the excuse that they don't have that much time to talk. Here, they're around each other constantly! I wonder how they navigate that. Also, #myshane would hate a threesome, so that being the instigator makes perfect sense to me.

Basically, give me any version of hollanov being toxicly obsessed with each other and I'm there.

Ok, yes!! I would definitely enjoy the toxic codependency of it all, and seeing Shane come up with excuses to handwave Ilya's crimes. He's laundering money through a small business? At least he's also giving back to the community. He's had people killed? They probably deserved it. But my most favorite thing would be when Shane inevitably gets nabbed off the street by a competing organization, and Ilya has to rescue him. It's the perfect opportunity for a "who did this to you?!" scene, which is a not-so-guilty pleasure of mine.