words we ought to say more often:
apocryphal
anatine
wherewithal
grotto
umstroke
posthaste
superlative
beastmode
fuck OFF. WHO ASKED FOR THY OPINION
crepuscular
peripatetic
apropos
effervescent
taciturn
AnasAbdin

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he wasn't even looking at me and he found me
h
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@garpty
words we ought to say more often:
apocryphal
anatine
wherewithal
grotto
umstroke
posthaste
superlative
beastmode
fuck OFF. WHO ASKED FOR THY OPINION
crepuscular
peripatetic
apropos
effervescent
taciturn

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Hello self flagellating trans masc. In front of you is a computer with tumblr open. Your task is to make a post about your own experiences with transphobia without derailing it by putting in a million disclaimers about how it would be worse if you were transfem and that your experiences don’t matter because there’s a hypothetical trans woman out there who has it ten times worse. You may also not call other trans men or nonbinary people names or imply that they are whiny or hysterical. Wait shit dude have you been dead the entire time I’ve been talking?
Something I haven't seen many people talk about in PHM is the fact that Eridians probably don't have the same attitudes towards time as humans do. Think about it: Erid is an inherently dayless place, having an atmosphere that allows no light and thus no concept of day or night. We don't really think much about how our entire lives are structured around this cycle that Earth life has been experiencing for eons. Erid life has no concept of this at all. Eridian sleep schedules are somewhat irregular and not synced to each other (they can't be, not if someone always stays awake to watch). They don't track birthdays like we do, they can't unless they're paying attention to their solar cycle, which I'd expect is a relatively new thing for their culture. Maybe they base age on their near-perfect memories or how many layers their carapace has or how big they are, or experiences/accomplishments. They may have an idea of an Eridian year, if their planet has seasons or something like that, but I doubt it has a whole lot of importance to them.
I'd image having an alien who relies so heavily on cycles and repeated patterns in order to function normally would be mind-boggling to the Eridians. What do you mean it celebrates the exact day of its birth every so often, just because? Wait we need to program a reliable change in light levels to simulate its planet, which has almost no atmosphere? And we have to schedule any interactions we have with it around this cycle? Wait it tracks its age by the scientific year, not by life experience and physical aging?
Constantly being reminded that this guy Rocky brought home that saved their entire planet is, in fact, a complete alien.
#getting a piece of equipment set up to go deliver to the alien and you can tell from its biodome data that it's awake and active #only to be told by your planet's saviour “no grace is experiencing a subjective 'one ey em' right now #and would feel frightened if you approached his living space soon. you have to wait about thirty thousand seconds.“ #you're like. “is it doing something private?” “no. judging by energy use I think he's observing audiovisual entertainment.” #“then why can't I communicate with it” “because” <- peer review passed
Why does my dad text like this??? Who taught him this??
Yeah…I think he just uses our texts as his own personal tumblr at this point
probiotic drinks are so funny. we put a billion guys in here
we gave your drink an infection

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the problem millennials + older have with trying to understand the 67 meme is that they keep trying to compare it to past funny numbers.
listen. 67 is not 69. it's not 420, or 21, or 42.
it's E.
you remember this shit?
it's this. 67 is E.
i'm gonna be honest with you all i straight-up did not notice that the E in this picture was fucked up. i don't know what's going on here and i'm scared
chaotic neutral
that’s. not what that means? honestly this is lawful evil
i dunno that seems pretty chaotic to me
no no no see “chaotic” means “untethered by rules” not “creating chaos” but this person has very clearly followed the rules to the letter, which is the clear sign of lawful evil.
Went to take this picture of this insane bigfoot sex sign and only after opening my camera did i notice the entire flock of little chickens chilling in the dirt. life is good again
me looking at the sign then seeing the chickens
I just learned that the Russian word for “ladybug” translates to “God’s Little Cow”
It’s the same in Irish! bóín Dé!
in hebrew it’s “our rabbi moses’s cow”
Oh I love this news!!!!
Multiple cultures upon seeing a ladybug for the first time: “Who’s cow is this????”
It feels like some early humans were naming things and one of them ran out of ideas.
Human 1: (points at animal) What’s that?
Human 2: Cow.
Human 1: (points at bug) What’s that?
Human 2: … little cow.
Human 1: But it’s so much smaller. Who would have use for such a small cow?
Human 2: (panicking but in too deep to stop now) God.
The “Lady” in the name “ladybug” is the virgin Mary. People just cannot stop giving religious names to this bug.
The reason for this was that if you lived in an agrarian society then your survival was a throw of the dice every year, depending on the success of the crops. A failed crop year is a very hard year where deaths are expected. And if you grew a cereal like wheat, there were several things that could cause your crops to fail, but one of the big ones was if you happened to get a fuckton of aphids. You know what eats aphids? Ladybugs! If there are lots and lots of ladybugs around, there was a good chance that it’d be a good crop year! They were little crop protectors! When your family lives or dies on the success of that crop, of course they’d be seen as a blessing and given an appropriate name!
That is such an interesting etymology!!!!
And entomology too i guess
in German they’re Marienkäfer which also pretty much means “Mary’s Beetle”
In French it’s “Good Lord’s Beast”
Not even a cow, it’s just a little Creature but we know for sure God loves it.
In Dutch it’s “Lieveheersbeestje”, the Good Lord’s Little Beast
A liddol creeture
cats are genuinely fucking useless man
okay sure that’s progress i guess
WE’RE SO BACK
are you enjoying your One Cold Paw

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Frankly, I don't buy the theory that the repeated sweeping deletions of trans women's blogs have principally been the product of bad-faith mass reporting campaigns abusing automated moderation. I've been falsely mass-reported before, on multiple occasions, and nothing's ever come of it. Someone is pulling that trigger.
A real page on the White House website
The American century of humiliation is goin great 👍
someone fired a bullet through our bathroom wall the other day when we were gone, which is scary (but probably accidental), but the weirdest part is that we can’t actually find the place where it entered from outside... the wall inside is fucked up and you can see the hole where it came through, but there is no corresponding entrance hole on the exterior of the house. somehow the outer paneling was undamaged.
I think the exterior of the house is asbestos siding which apparently hides bullet holes really well.
There’s also a dent on the opposite wall where the bullet bounced off, and it looks like it had a really bizarre trajectory. Anyway, the neighbors say it was from a car chase where bullets went flying everywhere, so I’m not actually worried beyond “wow hope that doesn’t happen near me again”.
This is the most American post I have ever seen
“someone fired a bullet through my asbestos from a car chase” yeah fair
Had a little "chat" with your pal Monty Hall last night. [grins sinisterly] Let's just say he won't be a problem anymore.
Me (pressing the barrel of a special three-chambered revolver to his temple) "Behind one of these chambers is the rest of your life, Monte."
Monte: "I want to switch!"
Me: (it clicks empty) Fuck! Man. Fuck. Okay. Here's my car keys. Lemme Google the bus map.
togey fox has announced that 'Undertale'' has been cancelled

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TOBY CAME TO MY HOUSE BEAT UP MY FAMIYL AND MADE ME SNORT SO MUCH CRACK LIFE IS BEAUTIFUL
DELTARUNE JUN 24!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
"my favourite book :]", 2009