We need a flick where King Arthur wakes in modern Jamaica and is very confused.

I think that would be so much funny. He wakes up on a remote beach in Jamaica and he only speaks/understands Brythonic and Medieval Latin. Locals assume he was a tourist who fell from a cruise ship or received a head injury and floated away from a resort. The authorities cannot match his description to any missing persons reports and his fingerprints and DNA produce no hits on INTERPOL. They suspect he may be Welsh or French because the language he speaks resembles Welsh or Breton but France and the UK both state he is not a citizen of their country. Stateless and deeply confused, he is taken in by the community near the beach where he was found, being cared for by a number of local families and doing odd jobs. He slowly learns English and adjusts to the contemporary world, uncertain if his belief that he is the legendary King Arthur was formed by whatever traumatic event caused him to end up Jamaica or if he is actually King Arthur and Prydain is in eminent peril. Mysterious letters from Morgan begin to reaffirm his belief he is King Arthur. He must choose between staying in Jamaica and continuing the happy life he has made for himself or finding a way to get back to Britain without any documentation.

ancient king white boy stuns locals by ordering in perfect Jamaican Patois

He gets to Britain and everyone expects him to sound like a posh noble Englishman because that is the picture Malory painted but he prefers to speak Welsh and when he has to speak English, he speaks with a thick Jamaican accent.

also the way he pulls britain out of said peril really pisses off the right wingers, at least in part because he recognises that he cannot do it alone and chooses those he trusts (his jamaican community) as his knights

Absolutely, Guinevere is the Jamaican nurse who took him in in this universe and many of his friends in the Jamaican community that took him in are analogous with/reincarnations of common characters from Arthurian mythology. Except for Merlin. Who is the original Merlin. Who is living a retiree lifestyle in The Bahamas for plot and wizard foresight reasons.

but if I were to say that I don’t think vampires inherently and universally represent queerness and that if that’s the only way you engage with any story containing a vampire then a lot of very important messages are going to go straight over your head? i would be killed to death.

ESPECIALLY an issue when vampires very explicitly represent fear of outsider immigrant non-white invaders! Dracula can absolutely be read with a queer lens but we cannot let our desire for ~spooky gay stuff~ blind us to the very real xenophobia, antisemitism, and orientalism present in a LOT of the foundational media in vampire history! nor the racism present in modern vampire stories!!!

@hamletthedane’s tags: #Vincent Van Gogh is crying somewhere in the after and I’m crying just thinking about that#you knew!! you saw the patterns!! there is a whole planet painted in the oils from your brush!!#TIL that the craft Juno went as close as 4000km from Jupiter’s weather surface#for context: the craft was closer to Jupiter than NYC is to LA#which is space terms is like. basically being on the planet#holy shit

Me likey

(they’re called ‘free’ because they are ‘freed’ from your body, as in detached and then grafted back on—it costs extra because it’s a whole extra skin grafting step lol)

The tumblrest sentence I have ever seen

kevin day should’ve been an ancient greek tragic heroine and instead he got stuck in a self published 2010s contemporary sports/crime thriller… and he didn’t even get put on the woke team so he doesn’t know about estrogen or bisexuality

You’d think that once you finally get long term access to a cat and your yearning to have cat access is fulfilled that you’d become slightly less obsessed with seeing people’s cats but no if anything it gets worse

SOO CUTE AND TINIE 😭

what about blorbhov from my complicated russian novel though

blorbeaux from my nilihist french plays

blorbón from my weird latin american magical realist novels

blorbug from my kafkaesque short stories

von blorbow from my german sturm und drang novel

Don Blorbo from my opera

błórbżo from my polish poetry

blorbocles from my ancient greek epics

Mr. Blorby from my Jane Austen novels

Blorbio from my early modern plays

useless rosetta stone

Waiting for Blorbot