what a nerb

if people were to take communion based on you, what would your body and blood be? mine would be bourbon and a spicy sweet chili dorito

WODJSKXNSIJXSKD

I beg your pardon

it's a classic scam. you buy cheap ingredients, renovate them using heat and other ingredients and flip em. by the time the cops catch up you've moved on to another dish

finally, a logical explanation for why fuckbucket is such a good word.

fucktrumpet and shitbiscuit finally make sense now

Ah, a great explanation of how I arrived at “cheeseneedle”

Every episode of the Mandalorian further confirms that Yoda’s species is actually a race of ravenous nightmare gremlins and being a kind, empathetic, noble pacifist was 1000% a choice.

#some human criminal: “I don’t know about you ‘Master Jedi’ but some of us just have urges that we can’t fight!”#yoda: “know what I think everytime I see a child do you? hm? ‘food’. Yes. ‘Easy prey’. ‘Helpless and unprotected it is.’#’'Eat the child do I? No. Feel the urge to eat? Yes. Base instincts we all have…learn to master them we must.”

There’s absolutely nothing in the star wars canon to suggest yoda wasn’t eating children off screen

Conservatives will be like “Why are you holding me accountable for my bigoted beliefs? Whatever happened to tolerance???”

I looked this up and it is TRUE, Bye Bye Bye has reached number 86 on the charts as of the evening of November 7th. Other top 200 hits include Talkin’ About a Revolution by Tracy Chapman, Georgia On My Mind by Ray Charles, and Fuck You Goodbye by The Kid Laroi.

why people on the internetdo a shouting? small letter, small voice, small baby bird. thank u

What?

like I'm sorry but this is so funny it is causing me to lose my life. "we are all living through a global pandemic, nobody has any money, our democracies are horrifically morally bankrupt and our world is dying. here's how to break down spiritually in a palatable and socially-approved way!"

"Sorry, I'm afraid I can't have a meeting at 4 today because it conflicts with my crying session"

"Sorry, I have my weekly spiraling panic attack at 2pm tomorrow. Would Wednesday be okay for you?"

First encountered this in terms of scheduling time to grieve. It's not emotional constipation. It's the opposite. Unless you want to become completely disabled, you need to give yourself time to fall apart.

i have 15 years’ worth of outstanding library fines in three separate cities and it’s my hope that eventually a bounty hunter librarian will come to collect and we’ll get in a bar fight and fall in love

I also can’t rent movies in two different towns so there’s that.

Bruh, if you don’t think that having historically significant events well documented from multiple perspectives is a good thing, then idk what the hell u doin.

Besides, like, that is literally a Giant Monster Rampaging Through The Town. What the fuck is the everyday person gonna do other than Tweet/Instagram/Post about it going “It’s the apocalypse you guys! Eyyyy lmao #apocalypse #deathrising #nofilter”?

#like come on your cellphone may not defeat the beast#but it can gain you like 50000 followers before the skies start raining blood so#who’s the REAL winner here? (via @purplebloodedmajesty)

And heck, even if your own death is inevitable getting information out could help save other people, even if it can’t save you. ‘Here are 20 livestreams of the giant tentacle monster including how it moves and attacks, how can we beat it?’ is way more useful than ‘an entire city got wiped off the map and things smell vaguely of calimari idk man’

reblogging for this perfection: ‘an entire city got wiped off the map and things smell vaguely of calimari idk man’ 

I personally would be trying to give the Great One flowers and chocolate, but I don’t fault others for watching to get a picture of something so glorious and terrible. 😍

That’s haunting