bleiben will ich, wo ich nie gewesen bin

moving to an apartment i like in a little town that just really sparks joy for me did a lot for me regarding not being terrified of the future. like i am busy thinking about fixing up the apartment and being inspired by the possibilities i see here and considering i haven't even lived here for three months i'm already more involved here than i ever was in berlin simply because everything is smaller and it's not so overwhelming. like, the cis male friends who doubt i'll find love here, they're at the back of my mind too but at the end of the day how was i going to find love in berlin while severely unhappy with my living situation and alienated by the whole city overall? i think i'd rather sort myself out before i inflict myself on others that way. and, who knows. there's going to be a pride event in this little town this year, not this month but later. and maybe until then i actually have the courage to attend and meet people there. who knows, who knows. my cis gay friends who are all over 40 say the wildest things to me anyways. married guy who played with my feelings for several years telling me to taste the honey of passion first time i mentioned two guys who seemed to be interested in me perhaps. 50 year old married cis gay friend telling me there are plenty of men to have fun with even if i don't seek love. and how married men are easy to have flings with and i'm like, i wish honey... anyways, where was i ... well i think moving here was the right call and i'm going to settle into myself here in many ways