monochrome candor

like the thing that is so crazymaking is that the hygienists and assistants, who are technically not qualified to judge the quality of my work but have more years of experience than most of my bosses and actually see how i work compared to other dentists, tell me that i’m amazing at my job. and then the other dentists at the company, who are qualified to judge the quality of my work but rarely see it since it’s not like we’re working on patients at the same time, never have reason to reach out to me about my work unless there’s a problem so it feels like they only ever tell me i’m bad at my job. so i swing wildly between “damn i’m really good at my job” and “damn i’m fucking terrible at my job” multiple times per week. and i don’t know which is the truth because i’ve only ever had one performance review and that was 3 months after i was hired and they sprang it on me completely by surprise and i cried during it, so i have gotten literally zero feedback since then except for when other doctors message me to tell me there’s a problem. and now my satisfaction with the company has eroded so much idk that i could hold my tongue during another performance review. and it’s not like i ever planned on working at this company permanently but i’m sure as fuck not interested in trying to find a new job and i really really like the office i work at most of the week. edit okay wait i forgot about the continuing ed appointment where we did fillings and the only feedback i got was “looks great 👍 here’s a tiny thing you can do to make it a little prettier” so maybe i am good lmfao