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Overindulgent father Astarion who tells his children theyâre allergic to any kind of jewellery that isnât made of the highest grade Dwarven crafted gold.Â
Itâs not even because Astarion might have a certain aversion to silver, no, he just raises his children to have standards, thank you very much.Â
And it doesnât end with shiny things, oh noâŠÂ
The AncunĂn brood is known to be dressed in perfectly woven cotton, silk and soft leather clothes, no matter the occasion.
Theyâre seen playing with expensive toys, reading artfully illustrated books that certainly belong behind thick glass, not in childrenâs sticky hands.Â
Thereâs even talk that one of the children is not as naturally inclined to music as his parents claim him to be, surely his lyre must be enchantedâthe instrument certainly looks extravagant enough!Â
And then thereâs always this air of effortless haughtiness surrounding the AncunĂn children whenever their nannies and servants are parading them through town as if they were perfect little dolls; objects to show off the wealth their parents acquired in quite the mysterious ways.Â
So, itâs no secret that Astarion and Tav are pampering their childrenâsome might say theyâre even spoiling them rotten.Â
And maybe they are, especially Astarion.
But he doesnât see why he should raise them any other way, nor does he want to. Â
When it comes to his children, Astarion has his own standards, and as long as Tav agrees with him nothing really matters.Â
Because, these people, they donât know anything about the AncunĂns.Â
They donât know that itâs not unusual for Astarion to wash out dirt and mud and strawberry stains from comically small finery, leaving behind only the memories of a day spent playing in the garden, chasing after ducks, picking flowers, lazing in the sunâŠ
That any holes and tears the childrenâs clothes might suffer are quickly mended, making them look as good as new in no time.Â
Nor do they know that Astarion doesnât mind fashioning a brand new dress to match that of a favourite doll, either. Or to embroider a pretty vest with the likeness of that stray cat the children seem to adore, although their father would rather they donât touch the mangy animal.Â
No, those people know nothing at all...
âNot tired!â Astarionâs youngest cries; the vehement denial of her fatherâs earlier accusation is cut short by a telltale yawn.
The room still smells of fragrant lavender oil and peaches even when the bath water has already grown tepid, just one or two degrees above what Astarion would consider too cold to be enjoyable.Â
Amused, he raises an eyebrow at the protesting toddler before he lifts her out of the copper bathtub with little effort.Â
By now, he knows every step of this game.
âTut-tut, my dear child, what did mama and I say?â Astarion kneels, quickly wrapping a soft towel around the child to keep her warm. âWe only tell lies outside of this house.â
Unfazed by her fatherâs gentle scolding, the girl crosses her arms that havenât yet lost their puppy fat across her chest, reminding Astarion a little too much of a very displeased Tav.Â
Suppressing a sigh, he leans back to consider the pouting child, wondering what could possibly be upsetting her this timeâthe list is growing longer by the day, after all.Â
âWhatâs the matter, dear?â Astarion asks gently, hoping itâs something easily fixable as itâs growing rather late.Â
âWant apple!â
Decades ago, Astarion mightâve rolled his eyesâhe knows exactly which stupid apple the child wants, itâs been haunting him all dayâbut once he started to treat his childrenâs problems as if they were his own, his life has grown somewhat easier.Â
âWhy, letâs get an apple on our way to bed, then. Would that be alright, Your Highness?âÂ
The girl promptly nods her head, allowing Astarion to pat her hair dry before dressing her in a clean night dress.Â
She rests her cheek against her fatherâs shoulder as he carries her first to the kitchen to grab a fragrant apple and a knife, then to her bedroom where they settle on the cosy window seat, just like they do every night.
Soft moonlight is pouring through the windows; the child giggles at the way the knifeâs blade is catching the silver light as Astarion peels and cuts the apple into even pieces.
âHere you go,â he finally says, giving the slice of apple one last examining look before surrendering it to the impatient little hands reaching for it. âA sweet treat for my little sweet. Doesnât it taste so much better when we donât eat it off the floor, darling?â And when itâs not crawling with antsâŠ
The appeased toddler nibbles at the juicy fruit as Astarion carefully combs through her still-damp curls.Â
Her hairâs getting long, he notices, knowing that taking care of it will become more time-consuming each day.Â
Once, Astarion wouldâve thought this task tedious, brushing out hair thatâs not his own, oiling and braiding it for no other reason than knowing his children enjoy him doing it.Â
But thatâs why he loves doing it in the first place, he supposes.
Astarion can tell by his toddlerâs heartbeat that sleep is about to claim her.Â
The half-eaten slice of apple is still clutched in her little fist as he cradles the child to his chest, slowly rising from the window seat to put her to bed.Â
Heâs just about to lay the child down that the fruit drops to the floor, his daughterâs tiny hand clutching at his shirt instead.
âThank you, papa,â she mumbles, more asleep than awake.
Astarion pauses.
He breathes in the clean, yet unique scent of the little girl that is forever engraved in his brain, the same way he knows under which exact constellation she was born. When she took her first steps, what her first word was. Soon, he will have to memorise her favourite colour, and what she likes to eat when dirty apples wonât be that appealing anymore.Â
By now, Astarion knows this game by heart, knows that with every year that passes, he has something new to learn about his children.
And sometimes he wonders what itâs like to grow up with clean bed sheets and full bellies. Sleep filled with naught but warmth and happy memories. Ever open doors and tears that are dried by tender kisses. Living in a house where mistakes and anger are welcomed, safe.Â
He wonders what itâs like for his children to know that their fatherâs love comes without conditions. Not now and not ever.Â
Sitting down on the bed, Astarion holds his youngest a little closer to his chest, unwilling to let go of her, yet.Â
Heâs often accused of spoiling his children when most people can only just grasp the very surface of his love for them, the bare minimum of what he feels for his one and only, precious family.Â
These baseless accusations are as unimportant to Astarion as the people voicing them.
Heâs raising his children to have standards, wants them to take their fatherâs love for granted, to accept nothing less but pure devotion.
Itâs the only way Astarion knows how to love them, the only way that comes most naturally to him.Â
Astarion looks down at his little girl, now fast asleep, a gentle smile tugging at her lips.Â
After all these yearsâall these childrenâheâs still in awe watching them sleep in his arms as if no harm in the world could ever befall them.
And it wonâtânot if Astarion can help it.Â
âNo, thank you, my heart,â he whispers, pressing a kiss against the crown of the toddlerâs head.Â
When it comes to his children, Astarion holds himself to the highest standard.
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Demons and monsters that torture people because they feed on human suffering are so dumb. People are suffering everywhere my guy go literally any place and take a deep whiff.
Monster that feeds on suffering becomes a professional caretaker for people with chronic pain and terminal illnesses. They can't change the fact that these people are suffering, but they help a bit and in the meantime they're fat and happy off that Sweet Sweet ambient pain in the air.
Two towns over there's a demon lord trying to get their cult to abduct people for torture, but they keep getting stopped by heroes and the like, so they're barely scraping by. Meanwhile Belogarth the Registered PCA is chowing down on back pain, medication side effects and looming mortality for eight hours a day and has become the most powerful demon on earth without realizing it.
Finally a medical professional who believes that they are in pain. Because the fucker is actively chowing down on your agony. Not only am I going to get treated by them I'm going to invite all of my chronically ill friends to come as well.
Turns out if you treat the pain then the humans will bring you more humans who are suffering. It's like a restaurant where the waiter is so impressed by your ability to eat food they're giving you more on the house
They say things like "well, it's a real feast day for Belogarth today!" and "if my meds are held up at customs again I'm gonna put Belogarth in a food coma" and Belogarth is the one feeling weird about it
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I drew this poster for Jon Acuff and his FINISH book tour. Big thanks to Jon for this collaboration, his book has some great ideas about how to complete creative and life goals.
Love this, but reblogging it specifically for âGet rid of secret rules.â Thatâs one of the most amazing illustrationsâand pointsâIâve ever seen.
He has, like, three charitable organizations he funds, named after his father, his mother, and Alfred.
Between both Bruce and Batmanâs contributions, Gotham should be a better city than it is, and the only reason it isnât is DC Editorial Mandate that basically says Gotham has to get worse and worse and worse or thereâs no Batman stories they can tell (and, obviously, they have no other characters besides Batman).
âOh, oh, just charity my way out of dealing with the Penguin, a living, breathing 19th century Marxistâs cartoon of the bourgeoisie? Just fund anti-Clayface measures? Crack down on corporations who put out shapeshifting cosmetics? What socio-economic pressures turn botonists into actual fucking dryads?! What inspires anti-animal terrorism? THATâS NOT EVEN A REAL KIND OF ECO-FASCISM!â
There are like, half a dozen curses. The Lazarus Pits are leaching into the water, Slaughter Swamp is an unconnected body of water a few miles outside of the city that also ressurects people (see Solomon Grundy), the Bat-demon Barbatos and his followers (the Court of Owls) have been fucking up the city psychically and financially, the malevolent influence of the warlock Doctor Gothamâs tomb in the center of the city, the madness hypersigil of Amadeus Arkham (in Arkham Asylum: A Serious House on Serious Earth), there were several outposts of subterraneans and aliens beneath the city during the Silver Age, constant chemical warfare that makes it the equivalent of a WWI trench managed by MK-ULTRA, itâs in New Jersey, and I think God just hates it
tired: Batman could do more good by running charities than by fighting criminals
wired: Batman could save literally every other city on the planet simultaneously with the amount of effort and resources heâs pumped into Gotham, which is a lost cause, but this is his city damnit.
Inspired: Batmanâs diligence is containing the menace that is Gothamâs madness from escaping too far from city limits.
For all his billions, for all his activity, for all his efforts, Gotham is a bonfire fed by the madness of mortal people, cultivated by dark powers and just existing there makes living souls like kindling for it. And left to its own devices,itâd become a breeding ground for supernatural unrest that no mere social service system or social awareness of activist campaign, no government program, no actions of a singular vigilante, could ever hope to undo.
Batman is single handedly if need be but fortunately not alone so often, holding back the noxious psychic influences of warp and wyrd entities and what they do to the very environment and landscape through the power of sheer, unbridled humanity.
Ascended: Gotham is containing Batman, because the forces of evil, consciously or not, have figured out that if let loose, this motherfucker and his sprawling adoptive family wouldâve solved every crime in the world ever, so they throw literally everything they have at his home town in hopes that he stays there.
Like. What if, because Gotham is such a shitshow, anyone looking to improve their lives has their eye on being able to move out of Gotham, so whenever Bruce Wayneâs charitable endeavors come somebodyâs way, they take it, pack their bags, and move the fuck away, and take that money with them.
Meanwhile thereâs an ongoing influx of people to Gotham primarily because theyâre flat broke and real estate in Gotham is dirt fucking cheap because itâs a shitshow, and thereâs always places hiring because 1) theyâve got Bruce Wayne money to try to make a difference, 2) thereâs no shortage of places that need to be fixed up a little, and 3) villains are always in the market for new henchpeople.
So youâre a broke millennial from any other town in the country, and you have student loans, a job that hasnât kept up with inflation, and your landlord has raised the rent three times this year so far and itâs eating up two-thirds of your paycheck. You look for housing on the internet and discover that one-third of your paycheck will get you the mortgage for an actual house in Gotham, a house you own and will never have to deal with your scummy rentjacking landlord again. And Wayne Industries is hiring, and so are sixteen different disaster remediation places, and six staffing services with a sort of weird vibe to them but they offer benefits, since when do temp agencies do benefits, and sure the crime rate is high but the rest of the worldâs heading in that direction anyway, especially if youâre homeless, which youâre gonna be in like four months if that jackass your landlord raises the rent one more time, so get in losers, weâre going to Gotham!
And you settle into your bigger-than-expected apartment and get a job that brings you a comfortable paycheck and you learn to live with the terrorist attacks and the explosions and the gunfire and the neighbors and the drunken billionaire swimming in the restaurant fountain, and you pay off your student loans, buy a car, suffer a few monthsâ unemployment when your boss goes to jail for trying to assassinate the mayor and then your partner loses their job for a few months when the office gets smothered in a jungleâs worth of climbing plants and you develop hospital bills when you both get caught in a hallucinogenic terror gas eruption at the mall, but hey, youâd be homeless by now in any other city, so you live with it.
And then itâs a few years later and youâre wanting to start a family, but the neighbor three doors down owns pet hyenas and the park was firebombed last week and someone froze all the water pipes and you crashed your car into one of the impromptu ice sculptures and youâd really like your kids to grow up in a normal city where they donât have to receive advice like âdonât talk to strange plants.â
So you visit one of the social work offices and get yourself a bit of assistance, save up your money, sell your house for the price of a down payment to the sort of incoming fool you were six years ago, and use your polished resume to get yourself a job someplace that doesnât have What To Do If Clown Attack on their safety training syllabus.
You came, you left, and Gotham remains. A shithole.
This is a really well thought out way in what keeps Gotham moving. Sure thereâs the people that have been there theyâre whole lives, families that go back generations, but these are reasons people move in. The kind of people that want out. And maybe are desperate enough to take that Job hunching.
Itâs also weird to see my pithy response circle around over 20 times and end up back on my dashâŠ
Iâm really glad that KC Greenâs work is being more widely recognized after the whole âThis is not fineâ comic came out.
Heâs been in the comic making game for a really long time and he hasâŠa bit of a knack for creating things that are used as reaction images and never credited back to him.
Heâs a really cool guy and a great artist and I HIGHLY recommend following his work.
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For The Dark Urge playthrough of Baldurs Gate 3! There is no further warning below the cut, so if you care not to be spoiled, do not continue to read!
For those of you interested- ahead lies: Angst, hurt/comfort, canon-typical violence, blood, mentions of death, no MCD or any perma-death anyway, and lots of love. Greif and pain and emotional hurt are heavy themes as well!
Last warning! â ïžSpoilers aheadâ ïž
I've just gotten to this point in the Dark Urge run (where you reject Bhaal and fucking) DIE, and DUDE- I am stunned companions say NOTHING to your LITERAL DEATH after rejecting Bhaals gift or whatever. (Not in the scenes anyway) So, I'm writing how I think they'd respond cinematically, because your lively Durges deserve to be mourned and loved.
(Of course in-game this would be limited to the dialogue, but I've describes how they would be animated anyhow)
Lae'zel -
She's running to Durge the moment they start lifting from the ground, but pauses once their eyes start rolling back and blackening. There's something beyond her control happening, and she needs it to stop- and it does. With Tav hitting the floor eyes black, soul gone. She's immediately yelling at the others to do something, hand her a scroll, something- but nothing is working. Her shoulder slump after a good few minutes. And finally her voice breaks. She holds a hand to her chest as she wails in agony, holding her Tavs body like it's the last time- because to her- it is. "My angel, my moon. My great protector. I have failed you" She hisses, eyes scrunched shut.
Shadowheart -
She's been afraid her whole life. But even in the face of Bhaal, she will not be afraid if it means Tav will be safer. She immediately casts warding bond, if they're in danger, she'll halve it. If you're going to get hurt, so shall she- and she's okay with that. "Hang on-!" And then it all goes black, she falls without a word or scream, but she's content. If she dies protecting Durge, she cannot ask for better.
(After cutscene convo) Once Durge has been revived by Withers, it's up to them to get a scroll and revive her from the bloodied mess on the floor. She's stunned and confused, but the moment she sees Tav okay she couldn't care less. Why did you do that? "It might sound silly, but I was scared that you would be alone through whatever was about to happen. I don't regret it, if you're wondering"
Wyll -
"Gods- NO!" He shouts, a hand reaching out for them as they hit the ground. He's over them in a flash, holding their head in his arms, trying desperately to wake them, find a pulse, wake up himself and have this all be some sick nightmare. But of course, no such thing happens. The Tav he knows and loves just ceased living before his eyes. There's blood soaking into his every apparel and he's crying his eye out. It crosses his mind. Mizora is powerful- even if she can't fix this, she will know someone or something that can. He'd give anything- his whole life, he'd gladly be a lemure if it gave Tav back. He almost calls for her- until Withers starts his speech. (During the 'your rejection of Bhaal has earned you a place among heroes' section of his dialogue, he'll turn to Wyll and add: 'No devil's, demons or feinds required, I assure you')
Karlach -
If she wasn't raging before, she is now. A tomb-rocking scream echoes around the chamber, eyes wide with horror, body shaking and burning all over, engine out of control but she couldn't care less. One of the others will tell her to calm down. "FUCK THAT! FUCK EVERYTHING! FUCK THE GODS ABOVE AND THE HELLS BELOW." She roars. It goes on, swearing, screaming, swinging- and then, finally- collapse. She drops to her knees and punches the hard ground next to Tavs body, sobbing and exhausted. Withers walks in the the most gut-wrenching agonised scream of why
Gale -
He's frozen as it happens. His hands crackle with weave but he can't move. He needs to do something- anything, but time moves without him. All he knows is he can't breathe, all he can smell is blood and he thinks he's going to be sick. He can hear invisible bones cracking, distant blood dripping and their last choke. The wizard stumbles forward, barely making it to their body before collapsing beside them, on his knees and positively glowing from the mark on his chest. The orb can sense his distress and buzzes within him, as though it can smell the death. He pulls and hand to his mouth, kissing it gently- unable to comprehend a kiss goodbye. "Oh- Gods. Oh my love" he sobs, brows furrowed in what looks like physical pain. "I'm so sorry... I'm so, so sorry..." He wheezes out, scarcely finding breath.
Astarion -
He doesn't let their head hit the ground. He's swift as he catches them, but frantic as he sets their head on his thighs as a pillow. He pulls open their eyelids only to find a blackened core beneath, animalistic and distinctly unfamiliar. "Wake up, damn you...not after all this! You don't get to go!" He yells sounding genuinely furious- like he was going to get violent. If any of the others approach he doesn't notice. "We still have a cult to cull, we have a brain to control- I need you!" He yells, voice raw and eyes wet, the anger melting into greif. He makes a sheild of himself over Durge when Withers walks in, dagger/shortsword in hand, teeth bared, despite his damp face.
(Withers greets Astarion: 'Cry no more Spawn of sanguine- the universe is finally in your favour')
(Only Halsin is romanced for obvious reasons, but closeness is still implied for Minsc and Jaheira)
Halsin -
He catches Durge on the way down, their head on his chest as he lays them down over himself. "My heart? Can you hear me? Please say something" He begs hands glowing with healing magic, eyes aglow as well. He tries for a little, but then his breathing changes entirely, a small hushed gasp sounds from him, his he starts shaking his head, eyes wide. "Oh- oh Gods- Silvannus, please- I cannot bear to lose- oh Gods" He gasps, breath becoming harsher- finally letting tears fall. "Oak Father- please, wherever they go- keep them safe" he prays, teeth gritted in agony.
Jaheira -
She looks away as Tavs life is sapped away, unable to watch another Bhaalspawn friend suffer. When all falls still and silent, she looks among the other companions, shocked and frozen. "They're at peace now. Take comfort in knowing they chose to keep you all safe." She says with a proud nod- but her eyes are wet and her nose scrunched a little with a sniff.
Minsc -
There's small squeaking in the berserkers ear, before he sighs, almost a sob and speaks with a tired voice. "Wise words, Boo. I only wish our friend could hear you" Before he turns away, unable to look at them on the floor. "I am proud to have called them our friend. We should make them proud in return"
Hope you enjoyed! To the lovely people who have made requests, I will get to them as soon as I can!! Thank you for the requests, and please feel free to send me more!
I laughed so hard at this I accidentally exited the Tumblr app and when I reopened, Tumblr had bolted back to the top of the feed, so I just rage scrolled through every single thing both posted in the last hour and that I scrolled past in the last hour to find to present this incredible tiktok to you, my dear followers. Esp @ritterssport
Christmas/Holiday Boars have always been a thing but it still blows my mind that people choose my Holiday Boar to celebrate. Thank you for all the love, Stay safe and Happy Holidays!
can we take a moment to just think about how incredibly scary magical healing is in-context?
You get your insides ripped open but your friend waves his hands and your flesh just pulls back together, agony and evisceration pulling back to a âkinda hurtsâ level of pain and youâre physically whole, with the 100% expectation that youâll get back up and keep fighting whatever it was that struck you down the first time.
You break your arm after falling somewhere and after youâre healed instead of looking for âanother way aroundâ everybody just looks at you and goes âokay try againâ.
Youâve been fighting for hours, youâre hungry, thirsty, bleeding, crying from exhaustion, and a hand-wave happens and only two of those things go away. youâre still hungry, youâre still weak from thirst, but the handwave means you have âno excuseâ to stop.
You act out aggressively maybe punch a wall or gnash your teeth or hit your head on something and itâs hand-waved because itâs âsuch a small injury you probably canât even feel it anymoreâ but the point was that you felt it at all?
Your pain literally means nothing because as long as youâre not bleeding youâre not injured, right? Here drink this potion and who cares about the emotional exhaustion of that butchered village, why are you so reserved in camp donât you think itâs fun retelling that time you fell through a burning building and with a hand-wave you got back up again and ran out with those two kids and their dog?Â
Older warriors who get a shiver around magic-users not because of the whole âfireballâ thing but the âI donât know what a normal pain tolerance is anymoreâ effect of too much healing. Permanent paralysis and loss of sensation in limbs is pretty much a given in the later years of any fighterâs life. Did I have a stroke or did the mage just heal too hard and now this side of my face doesnât work? No iâm not dead from the dragonâs claws but I canât even bend my torso anymore because of how the scar tissue grew out of me like a vine.
Magical healing is great and keeps casualties down.
Or maybe magical healing doesnât leave scars or damage. It is magical, after all.
So after years of fighting, your skin is still perfect. Unmarred. In fact, youâre actually in better shape than regular people who donât get magical healing when they fall out of trees or walk into doors or cut themselves while cooking dinner. Youâre in such good shape that itâs unnatural.
And the really good healing magic takes away more than just the obvious injuries. You first start noticing it after about ten years when you go home and haha, you look the same age as your younger sibling, thatâs funny.
Not so funny ten years later when they look older. Or forty years later, when you bury them still looking like you did at twenty. When do you retire from this gig anyway? How much damage is too much damage?
How many times do you glimpse the afterlife, or worse, how many times donât you? What do you live through, get used to, show no outward sign of except a perfectly healthy body, too perfect for any person living a real life.
How many times are you sitting in a tavern with your friends and you hear the whispers, because the people around you know. How can they not know? Your weapons shine with enchantments and your armour is better than the best money can buy and there is not a damn scar on you. You hardly seem human to them.
How long before you hardly seem human to yourself?
And you find yourself struggling to remember the places where the scars should have been, phantom pains that wake you screaming, touching all the old injuries and finding nothing there. Itâs all in your head. Was it ever anywhere else?
How long before youâre fighting a lich or a vampire or some other undead monster and you wonderâŠ
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We got asked if this is cute and okay. I can very happily say yes, this is stupid cute and those are happy porcupine noises.Â
One of my favorite things about doing zoo work was all the noises you never realize the animals make when theyâre excited or interested in a new thing. Coatimundis squeak and snuffle, and giant porcupines make that sound.Â