desert dryad

what the FUCK is going on right now. what is going on

this post is so funny because it has over 10k notes and no context but all you have to do is look at the time stamp to know exactly what the context is

I got a job at a gas station across from a casino and a guy keeps coming in to buy whole cartons of cigarettes and talks in the third person calling himself "snake eyes pete" and every time I tell him his total hes like "tell ya what if old Pete rolls a snake eyes why dont you give it to him for free?" and he rolls the same set of loaded dice on the counter and it does not matter how many times he rolls snake eyes I will not give him the cartons for free he gets so mad

hi so yeah im trying to find the hotel california and i know i have to take the highway to hell but i accidentally turned left onto the boulevard of broken dreams. i took the first hard right onto the rocky road to dublin cuz i thought it would loop back around but it didnt lol and i know im waaaaaay off course bc i just drove by the house of the rising sun haha. so how many miles until i get to the hotel

500 MILES?!?!?!

just received the best text message I’ve ever had. from my mom

#op its your job to kill that whale

The thing about Piano Man is arguably the Piano Man is an unreliable narrator because he was drunk the entire time.

I think the Jedi council should have at least considered sending obi-wan over to Dooku to be like “yes hello I am here for sith training” just to see what would happen

Like, we know from the rako hardeen arc that he’s a good enough actor to pull this off. Combined with Dooku’s clear affection(?) for him, I think the council would have most of the separatists’ top military secrets in a month, max

Anakin suddenly throwing himself hard into being the perfect Jedi to guide his master back to the light is hilarious

"rocky would hate stratt because she hurt his bestie" plausible, even likely. "rocky wouldn't hate stratt because he understands the stakes of needing to save the actual world" nuanced, intellectually stimulating. "stratt would hate rocky because her ex wife whom she killed is happier with him" intriguing, avant-garde.

#7 billion fucking people on earth weren't enough but you'll die for the alien. sure. no yeah. sure.

its important to get a realy big water bottle for at home usage so you dont have to get up and refill it as often