Bisexual John Danziger Evangelist

@teacup-captor

is that female character really that uninteresting and irrelevant and lacking personality or do you just choose not to read any of her scenes as deeply as you would with a male character

All these tourists having a great time at the World Cup isn't surprising b/c the first rule of America is that this place rules if you have money to blow and it's a nightmare if you don't. The prohibitively high cost of attending the World Cup filtered out all the ppl who don't have money so all the people who actually made it to the U.S. are basically guaranteed to have fun

America hates the broke and woke and so every rich chud from abroad who comes over here goes home singing our praises. Tale as old as time.

everyone eat more vegetables NOW!!! and mention the last vegetable you ate in the tags so we're all on the buddy system. I'll start: bok choy

please. Untitled Artwork was my father. call me Untitled Artwork (1)

i must not get takeout. takeout is the wallet-killer. takeout is the little-death that brings total obliteration. i will face the kitchen, fridge, and pantry. i will make choices about what to cook and then execute them. when hunger is gone there will be nothing. only i will remain.

#i'd kinda assumed there was more alpaca in an alpaca

"Alpacky! Oh, no, it's just a stick puppet. I was trigked and rused. WAIT...."

My maltipoo used to look like this when she got a bath. Teddy to drowned rat.

...el wiwi?

at some point in your life you will be boiling fruit, water, sugar, and lemon juice in a pot to make a syrup or jam. the instructions will tell you to simmer for a certain amt of time. your timer will go off and you will look at the pot and go, "hm, this doesn't look thick enough. maybe i'll let it go for another 10 minutes." this is the devil speaking. it's only so liquid right now because it is at boiling point. it will thicken when it cools down. learn from the follies of my youth and do not let this happen to you

at some point in your life you will be making a sauce or a stew in which you need to add cornstarch to thicken it. and you will prepare a slurry of starch in cold water and think "this looks like way too little starch to thicken this amount of liquid." this is the devil speaking. cornstarch instantly polymerizes at 95°C and if you add too much it will turn into an impossibly thick goop.

at some point in your life you will be making some sort of cream based dessert that requires gelatin to thicken it. and you will soak some gelatin sheets in water and think "this is too few gelatin sheets for this amount of cream." this is the devil speaking. it will thicken in the fridge and if you add too much you will end up with milk jelly

at some point in your life you will be baking cookies. you will take the sheet out after twelve minutes as the recipe instructs and the cookies will still be glistening and soft. "these don't seem cooked enough," you will think to yourself, "i should place them back into the oven until their edges are nice and golden." this is the devil talking. this is how you get dry, overdone cookies. the cookies will continue to bake on the warm sheet for several more minutes and then harden up after sitting on a rack for a while. trust the process. trust the process.

at some point in your life you will be adding a small pasta to a soup and you will think "that is not enough small pasta." this is the devil talking. the pasta will absorb the stock and expand. this is how you end up with a soup that is a solid mass of soggy ditalini.

At some point in your life you will be adding garlic to a dish and you will think "that is not enough garlic." These are angels speaking. They are correct. Add more garlic.

This is actually fucking insanely horrifying what the fuck

I was talking to my brother-in-law yesterday about how the current state of the US government is a direct consequence of the Gamergate movement, and I think these examples are just more proof of that. Turns out trollocracies are a pretty shit form of government: the only thing they’ll give the masses is bread and circuses, but the bread’s all moldy and the clowns ain’t funny