disgusting.

Soccer players are the horses of sports. They run around in fields for hours on end. They stub their toe and they die. They fall and they die. They run into each other and

as funny as “those are his hooves you bitch” I’m mad that it overshadows that lil wayne really did have socks on in a jacuzzi 

can y'all stop just throwing random words together and expecting us to understand it

you had to be there

Bro, be honest, are you getting a little bit Genghis Khan?

*exists* oh no, I’m making things awkward!!

i've got the kind of eyebags that make people in movies say 'you look like hell, detective. go home.'

we justifiably give Biden a lot of shit but I think "at least 3" is the funniest possible response to some right wing dipshit asking you how many genders there are

"whats your 5 year plan?" buddy I nearly go insane thinking about what I should have for dinner

every spelunker should go in with a cyanide tooth capsule so if they get stuck they can take the gentle way out instead of being tortured by the earth for 72 hours and then dying anyway

Every single fic update there is an author trying frantically to find the right balance between a nonchalant aside of "leave a comment if you enjoyed =)" and clinging desperately to the coat tails of a random stranger, dragging along behind them on the street wailing "Please, please! I have to know what you thought! I'm desperate to talk to people about this! Ask me about the alliterative repetition! Ask me about the symbolism!"

do not start gambling. go outside and locate a bug. now post it on inaturalist. bam. nature's gacha game

i am strange and i look like a peppermint. is that ok .