cowboy up or stay in the truck

Hey I need some money to buy my meds and some other stuff until I start my new job and start getting paid. I'm limiting the option to just sketchy portraits like these for $45 USD

the cigarette company is your fucking enemy.

the cigarette company is a soulless corporation that wants you to be hopelessly addicted to a product that does nothing but kill you, but slowly enough that they can wring a meal's worth of money out of you every day that you could have spent on something more vital to your existence and happiness, but you won't, because if you have $10 in your pocket that's cigarette money before it can be anything else.

No one gets anything out of this exchange but some dickweeds getting richer and making you sicker.

I tell this story to everyone who will listen, but I smoked Pall Mall menthols and for a while there I noticed a piece of paper stuck to the back of the pack under the plastic that I kept not reading.

I assumed it would just be like, "cigarettes are addictive and cause cancer" etc etc and that had never deterred me yet so I didn't care. whenever people told me "those'll kill you" I'd do a big sarcastic "oh my god why didn't anyone ever tell me before?!" and take another drag.

One day I read the paper out of boredom. Paraphrased, it basically said "we were caught adding more nicotine to our products for the purpose of getting you more addicted and a judge ordered us to notify you so here you go."

They stuck the glue on the text side and slapped it on the pack so some of the words would rip off if you ever actually read it.

Up to this point the company had been an incidental non-entity in the margins of an exchange between me and the gas station clerk. Suddenly they were a very real player in my life with a vested interest in destroying my health and wallet at the same time until I die.

I felt like the company had just looked me directly in the eye while giving me the finger. They said FUCK YOU, ADDICT, GIVE ME ALL YOUR MONEY AND THEN PERISH with their entire chest.

And I was paying them over $7 a day to kill me

That's what made me mad enough to quit. And it still took me 2 years to actually achieve it.

I tried EVERYTHING. Nothing could make the cravings go away. Weaning yourself off is a joke, you never get to 0. I had to just stop cold turkey and suffer through it for a few months. And for a lot of that I wanted a cigarette every second of every day, until I didn't anymore.

And the way I managed that was by realizing that buying cigarettes is something I had to actively go out of my way to do, and if I didn't have any cigarettes I couldn't smoke them. Ergo, all I had to do was NOT buy any cigarettes.

It hurt like a motherfucker but it was still immensely easier for me to stay off them when I framed it that way: Making it through another day required me to simply do nothing instead of something. I'll take any excuse to do nothing, most of the time.

@just-browsing-8675309 I like how every time we encourage people to stop smoking the biggest coward loser on the planet pops up out of the garbage to be like "actually ☝️🤓 I would rather die of lung cancer than eat food, because eating a single full meal might make me a disgusting fatty 🤢🤮 and I'm so fucking terrified of fat people that I'm convinced starving and surviving on cigarettes is preferable to eating like, normal food, and enjoying food. I'm incapable of loving my body unless I look like the fencepost some loser with no taste wants to fuck"

I'm going to tell this story once again: the skinniest I ever was in my life, I was stick thin, BECAUSE I was living the way this fucking loser thinks is preferable. When I was 22 I weighed 117 lbs, at 5'6". Here's a photo of someone the same height and weight (I don't have old photos of me from that time)

You'd lose track of me if I turned sideways. And people complimented me and said, "wow what do you do to stay that thin?"

And I'd tell them the truth: "I dont have any money for food so I just smoke cigarettes instead."

And they'd look sorta shocked and say "Oh! Well, you look great."

Do you think that those people cared about my health and well being?

Do you think the fact that they'd be more willing to fuck me was doing me any particular good?

And the thing is I was never fat BEFORE that. My normal weight at my maximum height was 125 lbs for years. For reference again, here's someone with that same height and weight.

Here's me at about 150 lbs after enlisting and going through basic training, which added muscle density

Now here's the thing. Currently in 2026 I'm fat (I ain't taking a picture because I am sick as hell right now and don't feel like it). I average about 210 lbs when I get weighed at my psych's office and half of that is in my gut. But my diet is about the same as it was when I weighed 125 lbs, as when I weighed 150 lbs (but it's much better than when I weighed 117 lbs).

I didn't quit smoking until 2022, and I was already fat when I quit - I started gaining the weight in 2019

Can you guess what changed in 2019 that caused me to inflate?

I went to a psychiatrist for the first time and got prescribed fucking anti depressants.

I didn't get fat because I'm an overeater. I got fat because the cost of getting my mental illness and depression under control was taking medication that changes how my body stores fat. Half the time I only have the appetite for one meal a day and I try to make it a square one with plenty of greens.

And you know what?

I'm the happiest I've ever been. I love my fat body. I'm hotter this way.

And I'm not interested in dating skinny losers who think my gut and love handles are ugly. Literally not even attracted to people like that. If my fat gut repulses you, that is a net positive. You are too weak and cowardly for me. The fact that you are self-excluding from my dating pool is a benefit to me. Move out of the way faster so the fat fetishists can get to me. This wide load only accepts loads from freaks who like how I jiggle.

I'm fat, smoke free (except for the ganj), a reasonably healthy eater, and I'm happier than I've ever been in my life - with my body, and with myself.

And when you die of malnutrition and lung cancer, I'm gonna have fat fucking sex on your grave.

Bonus round:

-'it's about 5 years off your life' you dumb motherfucker, look up what smoking a pack a day does to your life expectancy. it's more than 5 years off.

-'makes it harder to run' bitch so does smoking. hello???

-'makes you harder to date' so does smelling like rancid ass, check the comments. we all think you fucking stink. also you have a hairy tongue.

i didn’t want to have to do this but i have 0 income and my account is now in the negatives. i’m currently unemployed and still struggling to support myself and my disabled mother while she recovers from surgery.

if you enjoy my content, please consider donating via cashapp. my account there is older so my display name is shorter. i decided to only use this to ensure some privacy as every other app requires my full legal name. it’s uncommon and i’d rather not doxx myself.

i’ll be considering commissions soon for gif requests or other edits once i’m a bit more stable. currently aiming for $175 to cover a recurring bill. anything helps. please and thanks in advance

my cashapp is $icypisces

(20/175)

please also support other Black people who make posts for survival on here, especially Black women, as we are still facing insanely high unemployment rates due to antiblack racism and misogynoir

The Oldest House has fallen. Reality is bent. Time is warping.

lots of white patients are already trying to find white doctors.

when I worked for a medicare part C plan provider, and my job was to give people the names of doctors in their network, it was not uncommon for elderly white patients to angrily insist on a white doctor in every way they could without saying the quiet part out loud.

"I want an American, I want someone who I can understand!!" - said in response to me giving them a last name that sounded Asian. trying to tell them that you can't gauge the doctor's nationality or accent based on their name only gets them more frustrated.

Mon cadeau ce soir ...