trying.

i have been informed by literally every french speaker on earth that “une pipe” is slang for blowjob

not to be vague but.

You wouldn’t think it but actually in my experience knitting and crochet are perfect for Meausre Once Cut Also Once No Prablem bitches. I cannot un-cut a piece of wood or erase a pen mark, but I can frog any number of stitches. I get so much knitting per inch of yarn. It’s downright economical when you think about it.

a book should be $5 a little drink should be $2 and museum access should be free and all hours

If I keep practicing I might even be a person soon

smitten is such a great word :) omg he's so cute it feels like i'm being killed by god

I haven't seen project hail mary but i am pretty sure markiplier was not in that movie

lately my kids have been playing Baby Knife, which consists of somebody acting as a baby with knife hands chasing people while going "baby knife baby knife" over and over. is this a thing or are they just insane

we have a new teacher this year who has never had kindergarten before & she rounded em all up & told em No Baby Knife and No Zombies and idk how to tell her that 1. all kindergarten recess games boil down to Give Birth And Kill Each Other and 2. the absurd vaguely inappropriate games they make up are usually better than when they try to play an Actual game like soccer

Baby Knife is straightforward. theres a baby knife. baby knife chases you. thats about it. when they try to play Real Sports every single child is playing by a different set of rules unbeknownst to the others and none of them are playing by the Actual rules. everybody is mad at everybody else and running up to tell on their colleagues for cheating every 3 minutes. this doesnt happen when they play Baby Knife

We were incredibly boring. We played "murder ball" which was just Capture the Flag over the whole school grounds (outdoors only) and violence was permitted using the ball.

we had British Bulldogs which was where one line of kids had to get past another line of kids (and vice versa) and violence was expected, much like we imagine dodgeball to be

Please god it would be so funny

there is no downside to voting for Count Binface. its not taking away from other candidates bcos they aren't any and the more votes he gets the stupider Farage looks.

I'm still thinking about the guy who saw me realize my wheelchair wouldn't fit in the elevator because he (also a wheelchair user) was already inside it and immediately quipped, "This elevator ain't accessible enough for the both of us."

rachel berry is the funniest person to ever exist because who else would triple cast their boyfriend, ex boyfriend and ex sorta boyfriend as her one boyfriend in an overdirected music video to an objectively ass 70s song, shooting the entire thing three times so none of them know the other guys are involved, getting mad when none of them understand her artistic process of trying to be seen as a bad girl and then 5 minutes later kelly clarksoning total eclipse of the heart