something in the water

What does it take to make African mythology real? Everything we had. Over 70% of our Kickstarter Backers came from Tumblr. Thank you. Now it's yours.

Tenna art by @9Aaaalt29 on twt

A photo of anything else, seeing it at a smaller size, means missing some amount of detail, anything from a sense of depth to small components. Other cars all have small details which are usually related to issues like safety, aerodynamics, ergonomics, aesthetics and so forth. Many of these details are required to operate safely, which you might not even realize, including things like the curvature and shape of bumpers, visibility through mirrors, window design, and so forth.

The Cybertruck has none of these elements. The aesthetics, such as they are, revolve around specifically reducing and minimizing details, similar to the minimalist appearance in expensive houses. It does not include much in the way of safety design, or fuel efficient design (which still matters electric or not), or even ergonomics. Its lack of comfort to passengers is one of many notable faults. It is often described as resembling a child's drawing or bad render, and it's for the same reason. In both cases, the images lack fundamental elements which are even present in cars manufactured over a hundred years ago. Why does it look like that? Because it's a car shape minus every detail of a car that can be removed - full stop. Not just safely removed, but removed while still somewhat meeting the definition of being a car.

When you scale up something blocky but still a car, like a Jeep or something, you can see all the details. Even as square as a Jeep is, it has bumpers rounded and extended to reduce pedestrian injuries, crumple zones, flowing lines at specific points to reduce drag and aid fuel economy, clearly marked signal lights, doors built with human entry and exit in mind, windows that shatter safely but can't be peeled off the frame by hand, collision detection, fuel tanks that won't explode and so on. If you project a picture of a Cybertruck on the side of a building at actual size, it looks pretty much like a real life Cybertruck. A dumpster looks like a Cybertruck because it's the same zero detail shape. You think it looks big because your brain is going "wow there's that shape that has the detail of an image on my phone screen, wait why is it a thousand times bigger than the same image?"

When you scale up a Cybertruck it no substantive change in detail level, which makes it looks exactly the same, and that feels wrong. It looks like a toy at any size because a toy isn't supposed to work within and around living people, it just rolls along the ground and you try not to trip or choke on it. The bigger version of the small thing should come into sharper focus in person. A Cybertruck does not.

Like I said, the museum was a pretty snotty institution. It’s got a LOT of objects it’s way famous for possessing, but nobody knew about the absolutely massive collection of Moche erotic pottery it had because the curators were totally embarrassed by this stuff.

Some examples:

Pretty hot shit, right? They never, ever put any of this stuff on public view or published it in any catalogues but - we legit had like several hundred pieces of Moche ceramics in the “dirty pots” category. Anyway, I was left alone to just do my job with regard to the database for several years, ok? And I figured, well, these’re accessioned objects in the museum’s collection - better get down to bidness. 

I catalogued every goddamn bestiality, necrophiliac, cocksucking, buttfucking, detached penis, and giant vulva drinking cup in that collection. I’d be like, 

A drinking vessel in form of a standing man wearing a tunic and cap. He holds an oversized erection in his hands and stares into the distance (note I did not say “like he’s hella-constipated”). The vessel has a hole at both the tip of the penis as well as around the rim of the figure’s head, thus forcing the drinker to drink only from the penis or risk spilling wine all over themselves from the top of the vessel. Red and orange slip covers the surface of the piece.

Pretty straightforward, right? Apparently the deep seated fear of these objects that the curators exhibited was meant to spread to me as well, but - no one ever gave me that memo, because I guess Midwesterners reproduce asexually. When the curators understood that I had catalogued all of these objects in addition to the other, non-sexy pieces in the collection, they were apparently livid, but knew they had no legs to stand on in terms of getting pissed at me for it. 

I visited the museum’s online public access database a few years back and - every single description I wrote of these pieces has been totally neutered to say something like Male figural vase. 

Washington Post is paywalling the article but it looks like Taylor Farms — a consumer bagged salad brand that also supplies produce to grocers and fast food chains like Taco Bell, Walmart, McDonald's, Chipotle, Burger King, KFC, and Meijer —may be at least one of the sources of the current cyclosporiasis outbreak.

Body Horror: Things that cannot happen in real life. EX: The Thing, stomach mouths, eyes on hands, etc

Gore: Fresh injuries, often severe. EX: Severed leg, gutspill, deep gashes, etc

NEITHER: Healed injuries and burns, congenital differences, missing appendages, etc. If I could theoretically go to the store and see that character browsing the isles- It isn't body horror or gore. That's just a person. *AND the amount of people that tag, not just fictional characters, but real human beings as body horror is staggering. Its not solely a fandom issue, ableism and bigotry against anyone that looks sufficiently "different" is prevalent in real life and has devastating consequences.

SHELTERWOOD: A SUBURBAN GOTHIC

A docu-horror podcast about grief, terror, and the American Dream. Follow podcasters Nicholas DeRoso and Solomon Crockett as they plumb the depths of Shelterwood, an infinite suburban development beyond the veil in search of Saddie DeRoso, Nick's missing sister.

For those who love Limetown, Lake Mungo, Twin Peaks, and I Saw The TV Glow.

From the producers who brought you @re-dracula. A Bloody FM production. Read our press kit here.

Episode links and transcripts below the cut: