Overqualified for Nothing

This has been the primary source of anxiety and frustration and instability and depression and self loathing for YEARS.

Better not fuck it up.

My current company, where I have been a half-time apprentice for a year, is making me full time and training me to become a permanent project lead in July.

I have been absolutely busting my ass there, especially for the last two months when I’ve been doing an extra 50% hours while still holding my other job. So I do actually feel like I deserve it? Which is weird?

Anyway. It’s gonna be scary and hard cause I am not naturally a manager/leader type. But it is an organization I already know and love. They have a worthy mission. They are good people with good intentions. And I already know the job. That feels like a MASSIVE win when it comes to starting a new job.

I still have to finish and deploy this client project that has consumed my life for two months. But that will be all done (knock on wood) by next week.

In the meantime, I’m getting excited about decorating my office. We’re trying to be fairly classy and grownup with the vibe in the rest of the house, but I think I want my office to be fun and vibrant and fully of colors and stuff I like. It sounds dumb but I really have no design/decorating sense whatsoever, and am very jealous of people who have An Aesthetic. But I have been realizing that if I am truly honest about what brings me joy, it is all neutrals and pale colors and wicker baskets and shit and tasteful photo walks and floating shelves with plants. I wish I were that person, but I’m not.

So about a month ago Clark had another hard farrier appointment where he was just obviously miserable and could not hold his feet up for long. My friend asked if I knew if anyone in his pedigree was a known carrier for any of the common QH muscle disease. I have his papers but know nothing about QH bloodlines. So I splurged on a genetic test through UCDavis that is specifically a genetic disease panel for QHs.

Aaaaand….he has PSSM1. Which is a glycogen storage disorder that basically causes muscle tightness, pain, tying up, etc.

I’m bummed but also hugely relieved, because it explains so much about his behavior etc, and validates my instinct that he just hasn’t been Quite Right.

Unfortunately there isn’t any cure or treatment really. But management involves super low sugar/starch diet, higher fat, and basically daily exercise.

The diet is not a huge change from what we’d been doing, but riding almost daily is a massive change for us both. It is very very helpful to know though that pushing through the discomfort on days when he feels resistant or tired or stiff will actually help him feel better. It’s a challenge for me though, cause my policy with him has always been that if he communicates he’s uncomfortable and he doesn’t want to participate, we stop. I hate having to make him do stuff anyway.

Anyway. I rode four times this week. Doing short 10-15 minutes, mostly walk, with some short trot stints. He has been so so good, and feeling pretty darn good too.

For diet right now he has a round bale of grass hay all night, and then turnout all day with minimal grass and weeds to nibble on.

Then AM and PM he gets:

1lb. Stabul 1 super low starch grain (peppermint flavor cause he’s a picky monster)

A scoop of MadBarn Omneity pellets.

Cosequin ASU

Loose salt

1/8 cup canola oil.

Gonna start slowly increasing the canola oil. He doesn’t need extra calories, but the research suggests PSSM horses benefit from more fat even if they aren’t underweight. So I’m gonna try to keep the grain down to only what he needs to mask all the supplements and add as much oil as he can tolerate.

Will soon also be adding Vitamin E and Magnesium oxide, as these are the things everyone seems to agree can be helpful.