sanctuary for non-functioning brain cells

just received the best text message I’ve ever had. from my mom

the real danger days listening party event is happening in my car where it is 102° outside and i am driving very fast with the windows down

Understand that both of these men are homosexuals

oh my gosh they actually said "fellas, is it gay to love your wife?" unironically.

the best kind of ancient mychem footage is when it looks about two seconds away from being some kind of really fucked up amateur porno

Who wants to hear a DIY tiling pro tip that the experts won't tell you

Yes!

Do not drop your phone into the bucket of tile adhesive. This step is actually completely unnecessary and massively complicates the tiling process.

You say this but my uncle is a tiler and he swears by the “drop phone in putty bucket” technique. I think you’re just posting this for clout

Your uncle is caught up in a tradition that he was taught as an apprentice that he never questioned. Modern putty doesn't require phone, the formula has changed.

MY uncle says some customers still demand the phone putty technique because it "doesn't look right otherwise"

Drop an empty phone case in and those customers can't tell the fucking difference because there is no fucking difference.

the number 1 rule of fanfic is have fun and be yourself. the number 2 rule is the average healthy adult male can lose roughly 2 liters of blood before dying.

the pokemon move Swift is fascinating to me. a pokemon shoots stars at you and you "I bet a cat could do that." that's normal. that's Normal Type. you got Scratch, Tackle, Headbutt, and of course, shooting rays of heat-seeking stars at people.

I always thought the star animation was some sort of abstraction of whatever the move was supposed to be, but no in Japanese it's called Speed Star which also translates to Speedster so they translated it to Swift. It was always stars and that was always normal

the TSA's dick detector is the epitome of security theater. how many times have you ACTUALLY caught a woman trying to smuggle a small bomb in her panties

i mean average sized bomb

man half of my mutuals are named some shit like Snooble at this point im doing some poob as bullshit in my life

i love my scab #myscab . certainly it will stay this way.

#myopenwound #mybleeding

Sent a 12 year old on a fake Hero’s Journey last week and holy shit he actually did it

tumblr is great bc its like a diary where I can take other peoples diary entries and glue them into my own diary

not my dumbass misreading this as "dairy", like sure i guess you can take people's milk and milk products and glue them to your own here, sure.

you can milk me if you want :)

it you @flippyspoon

It is so fucking funny to me how easily scandalized some people are wym callout post for a cannibalism kink. Grow up. This is the nothingburger leagues and you're throwing up in the stands

It’s actually the peopleburger leagues

Blocking for being funnier than me

"it's not that deep" START DIGGING!!

DIG

DIG

DIG

DIG

DIG

DIG

DIG

DIG

DIG

DIG

DIG

DIG

DIG

DIG

DIG

OOPS TOO DEEP

CLIMB

CLIMB

CLIMB

CLIMB

CLIMB

CLIMB