Title Coming Soon

good god when the mr clean magic eraser hits the stove......

the panties hit the floor

you know it brother

Cant tell you how many times I rawd*gged my husband after I caught him using a magic eraser to clean the pasta sauce I burned onto the burner like some kind of primordial insect

you know what i wish you would tell me

the generational divide marches on. i have never jerked off to playboy bunnies. and i will never jerk off to roblox porn

"there's roblox porn????" this website really is a millennial safe space

The idea of Roblox porn reminds me of a microfic I read where the first generation to have grown up with neural implants from birth, having had parental lock software detecting and blurring IRL nudity for the first 18 years of their lives, arriving at adulthood and finding that they want the blur turned back on because it's more arousing than fleshy dangly bits.

Hotel Transylvania

I'm sobbing oh my god

Wait why does Dracula refer Joanne as *his* daughter?

if your child marries someone, that partner becomes your daughter-in-law or son-in-law. 

This is like an archeological dig site but the philosophers are still alive and talking

when tiger met dragon

crouching harry hidden sally

Dude my coworker left a scrumptious cookie unattended

It's no longer enough to just play heart gold and soul silver. We must find a way to live it

i hate when apps know that i’m screenshotting something. when i screenshot something, that’s me acting outside your realm of understanding, app. i am beyond what you consider the observable universe. you’re not supposed to perceive me. we don’t know when god screenshots the earth. we don’t know when he’s like, “okay i’m just gonna take a pic in case i ever want to add dinosaurs back to something later and don’t remember how.” and if we did, we wouldn’t act all smug about it like, “hey, you wanna share that post? you could just click here to share it.” no, man. you didn’t catch me. i screenshotted this for my own reasons. what’s next? i can’t take a photo of my computer screen with my phone out of laziness without being shamed by the printer i don’t own?

"subtext" and "buttsex" being anagrams of each other is an example of order and harmony in the universe