let's talk about Bridgerton tea, my ask is open

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PUT YOUR BEARD IN MY MOUTH

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he wasn't even looking at me and he found me

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@glassphinix

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https://twitter.com/birdtickler/status/1552657242909904897?s=21&t=q4JEDIALmV-cAjcoEOypdw
ok so I looked it up, and it turns out they made a track out of PVC pipes, down a hill. The owner didn't realise PVC expanded in the heat, so on a turn the track just fell apart and the dude inside went over a fucking free way and into a swamp.
The funniest part is that the inspector was watching the whole time, and once the ball stopped he left without saying anything. Park management just shut it down then and there.
"The ball cleared a small hill, briefly going airborne, then zipped right across Route 94, the two-lane road splitting the park. Cars honked and slammed on their brakes. If there had been opposing traffic, Frank would have become part of a real-life game of Pong, volleying from one bumper to another.
Still in pursuit, we followed the ball toward a small lake in Motor World that had been earmarked for a fleet of tiny bumper boats for children. The area wasn’t open yet, but the empty boats were being tested and floated on the surface. The ball soared over the grass and smashed into several of them, scattering the others with rippling waves from the impact, which launched some of the boats several feet in the air.
Charlie and Ken waded into the water looking for the hatch. After some difficulty, they got it open. Charlie pulled Frank out by grabbing him under his armpits like a baby. Frank crawled up the bank, coughing and sputtering. He splayed across the grass as we all stared at the ball, which bobbed in the water like it was attached to a fishing lure.
We did not ask for the inspector’s report, nor did we ever hear of one being filed. Ken Bailey returned to Canada. The snow-makers cleared away the PVC. Told to dispose of the Bailey Ball, they rolled it into the woods, where it remained for many years."
I don't know that this beats the teeth story, but it's pretty great.
it's always "you gnawed off your own leg to escape like an animal caught in a trap" and never "why didn't anyone try to help you out of the trap" or "why weren't you provided with any other resources to escape the trap with except for your own teeth"
collection

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Hiii could you please post the Astarion buttocks reduction comic here……. Thank you 😔
Sure thing boss (Did I never post it here?)
a while ago I read this sci-fi short story from the 50s where a guy is kidnapped and interrogated by aliens using a very sophisticated lie detector, but he realizes that the lie detector works off technical truth, and with some careful phrasing and misdirection, he manages to make them believe that humans are a race of immortal, overpowered, omniscient telepathic beings. and it works.
my favorite part is when he tells them that humans are "capable of transportation without the aid of spaceships or any vehicles, just by using mental power to control physical matter". it's true, we can. it's called walking.
okay I found it, it's The Best Policy by Randall Garrett
and it has other gems such as "I know beyond a shadow of a doubt what every member of my race thinks of you" (they don't know you exist) and "every human knows exactly as much about the location of your home planet as I do" (nothing)
Parenting in the 80's Part 1 with Jenn Marsala
Just discovered Clint Walker tonight and it’s like, what if Halsin were real and starred in westerns in the 60s
I need you all to see what I mean
@hotvintagepoll
new. hot. men
Rocky does Grace know you’re a massive pervert who walked around his ship naked for months and called your eating habits beautiful and made him watch that like an absolute FREAK. Does Grace know his queerplatonic mate is also the eridian equivalent of a monsterfucker.
YOU NO TELL GRACE THIS OR ROCKY GET BIG ANGRY

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local middle school science teacher gets his pipes cleaned
It's so jarring to see other Simon!Blood AUs on here haha
too weird for normal kids too normal for weird kids Just right for being alone and miserable my entire life
a Common misconception under this post is that the weird kids will not judge you. I have news for you
i think if you make shirt merch and your big design is always on the back of the shirt you should try again
As a full-time wheelchair user, I concur.
i know the way people talk about their pets now is probably how we’ve been doing it for all of history. a cat owner in ancient rome saw their cat lounging on the dining pillows and commented “he thinks himself to be the senator claudius 🤣”
The first attested cat in Japan was given to a young 9th century emperor and his diary about it includes such gems as 'I affixed a bow about its neck, but it did not remain for long.", "The color of the fur is peerless. None could find the words to describe it, although one said it was reminiscent of the deepest ink.", "When it lies down, it curls in a circle like a coin. You cannot see its feet. It’s as if it were circular Bi disk." and "I am convinced it is superior to all other cats.” Basically posting about how his void is the best little void and so good at getting really round
if you work with kids 80% of your job is just this
I refuse to let you leave this in the tags. fly. be free

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i like these two
affirmations:
- it’s fun to be awake & in an upright position
- consciousness is a gift
- i CAN do this anymore