Me, my shit and I

I’m sorry?

That’s a challenge.

Oreos aquired.

I’m going to hide them in a super simple place at first

And find a new hiding spot

Hehehe

Now to hide them right under her nose

Aaaaand put them where she would never find them in a million years

:)

You get some cookies! You get some cookies! Everyone gets cookies!

Then a devious idea struck me…

I put the remaining Oreos in a baggie to hide by themselves. Now to “hide” the package where it will probably be found…

And pin the actual stash to the inside of the closet wall

Look at that. So sad. So few Oreos left

Guess I’ll just pin em right to the middle of the wall in the middle of the living room. She’ll never find em there

Oh, guess I should put this back up

Bwa ha ha ha! You guys! You guys don’t understand! I was planning on doing this and when I got home and looked at it I was like “aww, it’s too thin. They won’t fit.” I even TOLD my wife this and how I was disappointed that I wouldn’t be able to hide them back there.

But then I looked again. They dooooo

Thank you all so much for the love. I knew y'all would like this, but I had no idea you would like it THIS MUCH. People calling us “goals” and stuff… Man…. It’s kinda hard to take in ya know? Anyways: if this post gets Over 9000™ before I get off work today I will pick up Halloween Oreos on my way home and this will not stop

And, as promised, a dopey grin

She is so happy that the Oreo Saga continues. Just look at how happy she is

But she never looked inside the blue chair

Good stuff, but it’s time for some cookies

Gotta have some while I think about where these guys are going next

Hmmmmm

Got it.

Wife and I were sewing Elly’s Halloween costume up

Yea, she is going to be a spider and it’s super cute and all but. But. Loooook

Holy actual shit the Oreos fell out from the table literally next to her.

The moment she got up I threw them into the closet

Also:shout out to whoever it was that lost a follower for this post

SO ANYWAYS in honor of Halloween, the oreos have been moved to the Christmas decorations.

I figure I COULD leave them there till thanksgiving. We’ll see if I feel the need to move them again before then

Fa la la la la sucka

Uh.

Well.

Found em!

Ahhhh ok

Yo. What’s up.

Got some separated and ready for lunches tomorrow morning.

Lets see you find em in here babe

Oh, also

I decided that maybe it’s dangerous for everyone and every cookie involved hiding them inside the furnace air duct. Time to see how they faired…

Well they look ok. But TIS THE SEASON so let’s do this

I’ve decided to play it a bit risky this go round. It is a bit chilly out and time to put the guards over the hoses. Oh well, I’ll hide near them anyways. Put a little fear in my life

Tee hee

They up there now.

Like, for example, I cared for a kid for a while who was nonverbal and didn’t like being touched. Around six years old? Their parent said that they were fussy and had a strict schedule, and that they had problems getting them to eat. Their last few nannies had quit out of frustration.

So, I showed up. And for the first little while, it was awkward. The kid didn’t know me, I didn’t know them, you know how it is. And for the first… Day and a half, maybe? I fucked up a few times.

I changed their diaper and they screamed at me. I put the TV off and they threw things. Not fun, but regular upset kid stuff.

Next time, I figured, hell, I wouldn’t like being manhandled and ordered around either. Who likes being physically lifted out of whatever it is they’re doing and having their pants yanked off? Fucking few, that’s who.

Next time, I go, ‘hey, kiddo. You need a new diaper?’ and check. ‘I’m gonna go grab a new one and get you clean, okay?’ ‘Wanna find a spot to lay down?’ ‘Alright, almost done. Awesome job, thanks buddy’.

I learned stuff about them. They liked a heads up before I did anything disruptive. They didn’t mind that I rattled of about nothing all day. They didn’t like grass or plastic touching their back. They were okay with carpets and towels. They liked pictionary, and the color yellow, and fish crackers, and painting. They didn’t look me in the face (which was never an issue- I hate that too, it fucking sucks) but I never had reason to believe that they were ignoring me.

Once I learned what I was doing wrong, everything was fine. Did they magically “”“become normal”“” and start talking and laughing and hugging? No, but we had fun and had a good time and found a compromise between what I was comfortable with and what they were comfortable with. (For the record, I didn’t magically sailor-moon transform into a socially adept individual, either. In case anyone was wondering.)

I don’t like eye contact. It’s distracting and painful and stresses me out.

They didn’t like eye contact either.

Is eye contact necessary to communication? No. So we just didn’t do it.

Was there ever a situation where I HAD to force them to drop everything and lay down on the lawn? No. So the thirty second warning came into play, and nobody died.

“But they never talked!”

No, they didn’t. And they didn’t know ASL, and they didn’t like being touched.

So you know what happened?

My third day in, they tugged on my shirt. ‘Hey monkey, what’s up?’ I asked. And they tugged me towards the kitchen. ‘oh, cool. You hungry?’. They raised their hands in an ‘up’ gesture. ‘you want up? Cool.’ and I lifted them up. They pointed to the fridge. I opened it. They grabbed a juice box out of the top shelf, and pushed the door closed again. ‘oh sweet, grape is the best. You are an individual of refined taste.’ I put them down and they went back to their room to play Legos.

“But they didn’t say please or thank you!” “But you should be teaching them communication skills!” “But!” Lalalalala.

1. The entire interaction was entirely considerate and polite. I was never made uncomfortable. I was made aware of the problem so that I could help them solve it. There was no mess, no tears, no bruises, no shouting.

2. Did my brain collapse into a thousand million fragments of shattered diamond dust out of sheer incomprehension? No? Then their communication skills were fine. Goal realized, solution found, objective complete. They found the most simple and painless way to communicate the situation and then did it.

Kids are not stupid. AUTISTIC kids are not stupid.

I’m willing to bet real cash money that the real reason the last few nannies had quit had a million times more to do with their own ability to cope, not the kid’s.

To this day, that was the most relaxed and enjoyable job I’ve ever had.

And I know I don’t speak for everyone. All kids are different. All adults are different. But in my time and experience, pretty much 95% of all my difficulties with children come from ME not being understanding enough. Every single “problem child” I’ve worked with turned out to be a pretty cool person once I started figuring out how to put my ego aside and let them set the pace.

the results: 

As most of you know, PETA (People for Ethical Treatment of Animals) produces lots of sexist, racist, fatphobic, and even ableist ads. Their ideologies match, unfortunately. They are incredibly unreasonable, too, and they effectively want to remove companion animals from human contact entirely.

Members of PETA have done the following to me.

Attempted to take my service dog’s leash

Threatened to take him away

Sent me death threats

Threatened to euthanize him out of “mercy”

Claimed that I am a “slavedriver” and “active participant in the speciesist h*l*caust” (Ah yes, please tell the romani-german-native girl that she’s basically a Nazi. Good idea.)

Left threatening voicemails on my phone.

Scared me so badly that I had to move house at one point

Grabbed my service dog

Tried to pry my hand off of my service dog’s harness

Threw paint on a faux fur-lined coat I was wearing (the paint got matted in my hair to the point where I had to shave my head)

Their “Adoption” services are a complete lie. Do not bring an animal to a PETA facility or allow PETA volunteers or employees to take an animal. THEY WILL KILL IT. 

Their own documentation shows that they euthanize approximately 90 - 97% of all animals they take in, on a yearly basis. This includes everything from seriously injured/ill animals, to healthy puppies and kittens.

Their position is, supposedly, that animals are equal to humans and as such use really ableist, racist, and wildly inappropriate metaphors that undermine real human oppression and suffering. Often just for shock value. If they applied their principle, then they are basically saying that mentally ill or struggling and homeless humans should be put to death on mass.

In addition to all of the above, they also promote the idea that dairy products cause autism.

Plus, they harassed Steve Irwin’s family while they were grieving his death.  They’re pretty terrible.

About why PETA

And if you’re a guy and you notice some creep is following or stalking a girl, and that she’s obviously uncomfortable or panicked, go ahead and say hi, long time no see, pretend to be her cousin, and tell her discretly you noticed there was a shady guy. Ask her if something’s wrong, if she feels unsafe, if she wants your help (very important - she may not trust you enough, no one could blame her, don’t take it personally). (and don’t you dare take advantage of the help you offered for a flirt opportunity, that would make you no better than the creep)

getting a blowjob is a sexual thing and it also does not ‘feed’ anyone whereas breastfeeding is literally not even a sexual thing a baby is having food that they need to live like it’s nowhere near on the same level as getting a blowjob omg

if you are uncomfortable seeing a woman breastfeeding then that is your problem because you have oversexualised breasts so much that you can’t even stand seeing them being used for their actual purpose and also you’re an idiot

1.) Breasts as sexual fetishes is a (largely Western) cultural construction. Yes, it’s a fetish – anything you are sexually attracted to that is not the genitals of an adult is a fetish, or paraphilia. My professors have met non-Westerners who think our men are “like babies” because they are attracted to breasts.

Breasts ≠ genitals. Scientifically, they are considered secondary sexual characteristics – same category as facial hair. They can be sexual in a sexual context, just as necks and feet can be. But their primary purpose is reproductive.

2.) Breastmilk is not a “bodily fluid.” It is FOOD.

It is not categorized by the CDC as a biohazard, and so no you don’t need to freak out if your coworker wants to store her milk right next to your Lunchables.

MOREOVER,

Breastmilk is not just protein and vitamins. It is a living, dynamic substance that BUILDS HUMANS.

It has hundreds of ingredients (<— actually that list needs to be updated because they’ve discovered more already). There is a lab at the University of Washington St. Louis, where they have written all of the ingredients of human milk on the wall – They have run out of room on that wall. Among those ingredients:

The exact ratio of protein-sugars-fats that human infants need (cow’s milk doesn’t even come close)

Antibodies to pathogens in the baby’s environment (synthesized by the mother within hours of coming into contact with a given pathogen) and other immune factors

Stem cells. FUCKING STEM CELLS. (They used glow-in-the-dark mice to find out what they do!)

Hormones (support growth and regulate behavior)

peptides

Self-digesting fats (what the whaaat)

Growth factors

water, vitamins, minerals, carbs, etc.

prolly other awesome shit we don’t even know about yet because we’ve barely scratched the surface of this research!

These ingredients change hour-to-hour according to the baby’s needs. It will even add more water on hot/dry days. Fuck, breastmilk kills cancer in a petri dish. Breastmilk. is. not. a. bodily. fluid. It. is. liquid. gold. 3.) When you tell a woman to go to the bathroom to breastfeed, you are perpetuating the notion that it is dirty and shameful and needs to be hidden away. This idea is the biggest barrier to achieving breastfeeding goals in the United States. Because women feel ashamed, they often stay isolated at home when they should be spending time out and about with friends and family and having, like, a life. This isolation can contribute to postpartum depression. From the Surgeon General’s Call to Action to Support Breastfeeding: Women may find themselves excluded from social interactions when they are breastfeeding because others are reluctant to be in the same room while they breastfeed. For many women, the feeling of embarrassment restricts their activities and is cited as a reason for choosing to feed supplementary formula or to give up breastfeeding altogether. And since we have this culture of shame and privacy surrounding breastfeeding, young girls and women don’t see it enough to learn what is normal/not and how to do it, so they often give up when they run into problems because they don’t realize there’s an easy fix. Moreover, an infant needs to be integrated into society in order to develop properly. He/she needs to see faces and hear voices. Isolating them – or throwing a blanket over their head – takes this important component of their development away. It also often annoys them because they are understimulated. 4.) YOU NEED TO SEE IT. That’s right, YOU. Even if you are a dude. Maybe you aren’t a parent, but you probably have loved ones who are. Or you might become one yourself someday. And if you are American chances are you have no idea how breastfeeding actually works, because you never fucking see it. It’s messy and complicated, and hard. It used to be a part of everyday life, because there weren’t any alternatives – So we learned how to do it by being around it all the time, NBD. The whole sexualization/modesty thing surrounding breasts wasn’t a thing until like the mid-20th century. Check out this 1871 drawing of a woman breastfeeding IN FUCKING CHURCH:

i have a degree in physics

If you are considering meeting up with someone online use this trick identify who really are who they claim to be:

1. Ask them to Skype 2. If they refuse or can’t for some reason ask for a current selfie 3. If they also refuse or can’t do not meet up with them 4. If they provide one ask them to send another with them holding 3 fingers up 5. If they refuse read step 3 6. If they provide a selfie where they show 3 fingers they are probably for real

(If you’re still unconvinced try again with them drawing something in their hand)

“My [fill in trusted adult here] wants to come too. [pronoun] said we can do our own thing and [pronoun] will just sort of grab [pronoun] own table, but I wanted to let you know. Hey, if you have an adult coming too they could sit together!”

If hearing this freaks the other person out and they decline, TERMINATE ALL CONTACT. Do not pass go, do not collect $200, go directly to block. I’m 26 years old and if you tell me you’re coming with a friend or parent for your own safety, I will automatically say “hey, cool. Y’know, if you’re nervous we can just do Starbucks or something, I’m okay meeting in a busy place. That way your [adult/friend] can hang out, too, and they don’t have to pay for [admission, a movie ticket, whatever].” Your safety and comfort is important to me, and is important to any good person you meet online who wants to meet up IRL. In the early 2000s when I first started seeing online safety PSAs, this was a widely-spread tip. Use it.

And for the record, you can use this over the age of 18, too. I still won’t meet people from online except in public places. You never know–that person holding up three fingers and drawing a Pokemon on their palm could be some pervert’s child, niece, nephew, family friend’s kid who was encouraged to take some silly pictures. Always voice-verify and always meet in public, with another person if possible. 

In a public place.

With members of her family there.

You’re never too old for this kind of basic safety stuff. Don’t be too casual about it. I knew her for 12 years before we met in person and I was absolutely not insulted that she still wanted that extra layer of protection.

I stood up and threw my arms up into the motion of an air guitar, my wife is begging me to sit back down, and I pointed at the guy who may be Keanu Reeves, and said, “Most Excellent.”

He stood up and did it back at me. Then we both had a moment and pointed at each other. I sent him another of whatever it was he was drinking. It was a cucumber sake martini. That was the end of it.

Or so I thought.

He left before we finished our meal. By the time we were done, dessert came that we didn’t order. We thought, “oh, must be compliments of the chef.” Then the bill never came. When we asked for it, our waitress said Keanu Reeves took care of it.

IT WAS REALLY HIM. And he left a note. It said, “thanks for the refresh. Keanu.”

When I finally saw him again years later, because of work. I brought it up. Then he air guitar and said, “most excellent. I remember. At Nobu’s. Thanks for the drink.” We chatted a bit and I got an autograph for my mum because she’s a huge Keanu fan. Then that was that.

Then Keanu walks up. Calmly charms the guy. Slips the usher behind the bar cash to cover the bottle, without the guy even noticing, and walks him back in to his seat like it’s a normal thing he does every day. He didn’t know the guy, didn’t know any of us, but effortlessly deescalated the situation and quite probably saved some jobs that night. 

Yes!

Basically scientists have found that if you start selecting for people-friendly animals, you see a bunch of hypothetically unrelated traits start showing up in all sorts of mammal species: floppy ears, piebald/patterned coats, etc.

This is true for everything from cows to dogs to rats! One of the coolest long term studies on this has been the Russian fox experiments.

So essentially the science goes like this:

You have two copies of every genes, one from each parent.

We tend to simplify genetics, and say that for every single gene you have it is random,l coin flip which copy you pass on to you offspring. We also tend think of genes as a 1:1 ratio of genes—>traits.

But! This is not quite the case.

Genes have a specific physical location and order relative to each other on your chromosomes, and the chance of genes being inherited together goes up the closer together they are located. This means random, unrelated traits can wind up being more commonly inherited together in specific patterns just because those genes are located close together, and you don’t get that completely random reshuffling of two parent’s traits. Some of them tend to stay “stuck” together.

This is called linkage, and it’s why you often see red hair, pale skin, and freckles together, for example.

The second factor that plays into this is that a lot of times 1 gene affects several different traits (or several different genes affect 1 trait). This means that sometimes you really *can’t* untangle two traits because they have a similar cause. For example, say genes for increased aggression are responsible both for making a spider a better hunter (pro) and making a spider more likely to eat its offspring (con). Because the same gene is the cause of both things, natural selection can’t really untangle them.

Circling back to the redhead/freckles/pale skin example, these traits are affected by a number of different genes, but also one gene in particular: MCR1, a gene that changes how your body responds to hormones promoting melanin production. Again, one gene related to pigment production can affect a BUNCH of different traits. (And also skin cancer risk. Fun!)

Domestication Syndrome in mammals turns out to be due to both linkage and genes affect by multiple traits!

See, when we domestic animals we want them to be friendlier/less aggressive, which normally translates to less FEARFUL.

And it turns out that the same genes involved in adrenal responses and other stress reactions are also involved in melanin, cartilage, and bone production. So when we domesticate animals we get these recurring changes in pigmentation (white patches, piebald costs), floppy ears (cartilage), shorter muzzles and other changes in physical stature (bone growth), etc.

We also wind up selecting for a lot of neotenic genes in general— that is, retention of childhood traits into adulthood. That’s because baby animals tend to have lots of friendly/trusting/biddable/curious traits we are looking for.

And honestly, who can say no to a face like this?

ps, since it was mentioned:

the same genes involved in domestication probably help animals form social groups in general. if you need to get along with and trust strangers you need a decrease in the panic/aggression genes.

cats, for example, probably domesticated themselves when they started living close to each other and to humans to feed off of pests in grain silos.

and yeah, some some recent theories suggest humans may have ‘domesticated’ themselves: