#oreos

Fuck ICE.

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See, me and a group of my friends have this Thursday night tradition where we theoretically get together and do crafts. Oftentimes this ends up as a game night instead, in which case we claim the craft of playing a game, or watching a movie. But what it always has is Weird Snacks.

You know when you go to the grocery store and see some wacky new flavor of something and think "Gee, I'd like to try that, but I don't want to commit to eating an entire package, and I'd feel bad throwing it away if I hate it." We have collectively solved this problem by inflicting it upon each other every week. That way we all get to try the Weird Snack and it increases the likelihood that at least one person will want to keep whatever's leftover.

Last night @crowscriven inflicted the salmon mousse (part 1, part 2) upon us, but dessert was my horror to bring. I had ordered the Thanksgiving Dinner Oreos back in November, but because of shipping shenanigans they went to my parents' house and I didn't get them until Christmas. And it was finally time to unveil them.

I'm something of an Oreo fanatic. I love trying the new flavors. I carry a quart of milk with me to every Craft Night and drink all or most of it while consuming oddities. And these were very special, only-by-mail-order Oreos that came in this lovely tin:

And when I opened them, the smell (which we later pinned to one specific cookie) was horrendous.

All the better to inflict upon my friends.

Here's our list of flavors; note that all of these were regular Oreos with various candy coatings rather than committing to trying to flavor a cookie like a dinner. A shame. Some of them would have definitely been improved by at least choosing the vanilla cookie over the chocolate one.

I'll go through the comments in the order of intensity of experience:

Sweet potato:

It was fine. Tasted vaguely like confectionery. Nothing special.

"Is this supposed to be sweet potato?"

"It's sweet, not very potatoey."

Carmel apple pie:

It was a bit like one of those things from McDonalds. For me personally this was the second worst one, but everyone else found it unoffensive. I just have a migraine issue with certain kinds of cinnamon flavoring.

"It's alright, kinda cinnamony."

"Tastes like a packet of apple cider from the grocery store."

Cranberry sauce:

This was the winner of the evening, and we are all grateful that we saved it for last. It was very cranberry, with little sour crystals that made a very nice tartness with the sweetness.

"I'd eat more of those!"

"Definitely the best one to end on."

"Can I have the last piece?"

Pumpkin pie:

Very disappointing. It tasted a little like a PSL without the coffee, but only a very little. Just sweet and vaguely holiday-flavored.

"Cheap latte."

"Like licking a pumpkin-scented candle."

"Like letting the wax melt and dipping your finger in it and then putting your finger in your mouth."

"Don't they already make a pumpkin pie cookie? Why is this so lame?"

Creamed corn:

It sure was corn. Nobody like it very much, but it was at the least palatable and tasted food-like.

"Exactly what it says on the tin."

"Why is it so sweet?"

"Very much creamed corn and very much not a flavor an Oreo should be."

Turkey and stuffing:

This was flat out the worst thing we have ever tried at Craft Night. It managed to wrangle that throne from the durian pocky with no contest. We used to argue about which flavors of Oreos were the worst (my personal previous least-favorite was the Sour Patch Kids flavor), but this took the cake. Zero debate.

"This smells vile."

"Strong not-food vibes."

"I think I liked the durian pocky more."

"This tastes like a dirty sponge smells."

"Like gravy you left in the back of the fridge for a week."

"It's like I ate turkey, vomited a little in my mouth, and swallowed it back down."

So! Overall, a terrible but very enjoyable experience, which is what Craft Night should be. As @quohotos very accurately stated, it was like going to a Yankee candle store and being allowed to eat the candles. Except for the turkey one, which was like eating hot garbage.