There's a butterfly in the well...

This is consistently the case. Creators tend to do their best work when they are in a healthy place and receiving proper treatment and not being self destructive in their efforts to cope. Go figure.

im gonna try explaining myself, cus im a gambling addict and im waiting for the day that it actually works.

"forgiveness" is personal, that's why I said in the post that you might inflict harm on people for which they can never forgive you, but that's their quest. if you abuse someone, you can't go no-contact with yourself. you actually keep living in your own head indefinitely, and ultimately you need to learn to live with yourself in order to continue living a full life without further harm. this is not necessarily an anti-carceral thought, although i am generally anti-carceral myself. I simply want people to like, fix their heart and atone for real with measured accountability & self love instead of dissociating, self-marking themselves forever and guaranteeing their recidivism.

Even if everyone else has forgiven you for the abuse you did, you must never allow yourself to let what you did be forgiven. Once you've done that, you've gotten to the point where you might do it again.

And if you believe the world works like that one other thing also has to be true: You know you are a ‘good person’, so nothing you ever do could be truly abusive. You could never truly harm another person. And if you did they must have deserved it. Because you are a good person.

And wow, does that not just sound like something abusers usually say, when confronted with their own behavior?

All of these steps towards self-forgiveness require fucking work that fundamentally changes the person seeking that self-forgiveness. That is the fucking healing process.

If you don't allow people the grace of self-forgiveness, then there is no room for self-improvement. If there is no room for self-improvement, then there is no way to heal. And people that can't heal will inevitably do monstrous things. Pointless shame just makes hurt people more volatile.

This!

If someone who did something shitty is doing everything to be better so they won’t do that harm again, and all people do is throw their shit in their face forever, they’re not going to bother to change because that’s all they’re being seen as.

The people they hurt don’t owe them forgiveness, but the hurt people also shouldn’t follow the abuser around and destroy them as they try to do better so they don’t repeat the harm.

"I hope you die."

Listen, my tumblry darlings, listen. I despise loads of people. Loads. Never wished death upon anyone online. If you're going to do that ugly shit, at least have the nerve to do it in person. To their face. If you're going to fuck around, you have to legitimately risk finding out. Otherwise, you're just a sad, pathetic, possibly angry with no outlet, coward who probably needs to look inward and figure out why you think it's okay to tell people shit like this, and I don't listen to cowards. Neither should you if you get this same kind of fuckery sent to you.

You are good. You are kind. You are important. But also, this provides an excellent opportunity to continue to exist out of spite. With spite, many things are possible. Spite is like seasoning. You can eat without it, sure, but it's so much more delicious with.

This is the shit people feel free to say to me on main, or at least their sockpuppets. This one in particular got a good (bleak) laugh out of me because when I checked their blog, their most recent reblog was "I think the whole point of being alive is to be kind"

Like yeah, sure you do. Asshole.

Anyway. I've survived out of spite for far too many years. That's why I'm a suicidal wreck trying to remember how to be a person. But I continue to remain alive because of the kindness and love of others. So yeah, actually, I do believe the whole point of being alive is to be kind.